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No. They’re all legal, we hunt. All have trigger locks and are kept on a locked gun cabinet.
Someone provided the context of how disgusting your relationship is with this woman and how you're just an atm to this woman whose trying to baby trap you
Stop thinking with your bottom head and start using your actual brain to gain some self respect and leave this toxic ass woman you're too young to be doing all this bullshit
when all is says and done, many women are still hindered by their own vagina. the smell of it is a common fear. so it is entirely probable that she is disguted or is afraid you secretly are about her intimate smell.
neurologically, smell is directly linked to archaic part of the brain, while sight and audition has numerous pre-treatment step. you cannot control you reaction to a smell.
If he is your life partner, than you know. Otherwise, there are so many other people 🙂
It is bad and you shouldn't do it. Break up with your girlfriend and work out a living arrangement, be roomates but BREAK UP before even emotionally being involved with anyone.
My ex never wanted to be on top because he said it was “boring”. In reality, he was lazy and not very dominant. It sounds like your boyfriend is lazy
It's reddit. Everyone has to be okay with being fucked in the ass, apparently
This guy will get mad at you and break you in private. He needs anger management and therapy. I have flipped a chair twice in 53 years I owned the chair in the apartment I was renting. Have never had a public display of anger. The girl that was in my apartment had minor anger issues herself and said that it was a wake up call for her she had never in two years seen any physical anger from me. He is going to hurt you if you get involved.
Yeah. Really fucked up. I guess he’s being doing it for all these years (silently), but now I’ve gone too far for him to ignore.. it’s upsetting
If you have to ask if you're a narcissist you are most likely not one. That said, you were certainly in the wrong in this situation: Let me guess, you found out she's slept with more people than you have, and you blew up on her?
That is extremely shitty, not to mention sexist — but in itself isn't narcissistic behavior. I can see why she would have described it this way (it is very hurtful to women when their partners can only see them as the # of people they've slept with) but I don't believe she's correct.
What you need to do is ignore that remark and focus on your plan to improve. That is promising. If you follow through on it, in time she will understand you're not narcissistic but a good partner who is willing to work on himself.
What have they done to make her uncomfortable there?
absolutely.
We had to get a room a Christmas Eve, long story, BUT they always got spare rooms so they can charge up the wazoo for them when folks are strapped. But still where is he coming up with that kind of cash with. Little to no complaints?! Idk it seems like y’all need to have a serious conversation about boundaries because something ain’t right!
Honestly I feel like if she was drugged at all, it was definitely not roofies or a date rape type drug. She remembers way too much. I’ve been roofied before and so have some of my friends during our college days, it was always a lights out experience. As in you remember taking a sip out of the drink then just nothing for the rest of the night.
I think her chances of being drugged are not all that high. Most women get drugged with date rape drugs, not a party drug.
minors detected
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I think you're grossly overanalyzing this. His family seem to be pretty simple people who don't see relationships as much more than transactional. It isn't malicious, they are just simple-minded people. That being said, they are going to still be simple-minded when you bring your children to visit. Think about that before you let your boyfriend slip one past the goalie and have to deal with them as in-laws. You marry the whole family.
Ohhh me…. add in the subsequent binge eating disorder and welcome to the shit show am I right… OP dont let her be around your kids…
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Not as expensive as 18 years of child support if the OP is in a jurisdiction where this can be used to keep him from being the default father just because he's married to the mother. And while it should be obvious that with prosthetic testicles that he can't be the father, what is obvious and what is codified in law are often two different things, and the standard set in most legal cases is a DNA test.
What does his wife say to all that?
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She has never been an option for him. I guarantee that he's more dazzled by your willingness than he is a digital representation of her booty.
How in the world did you come to that conclusion? I don't care to be the center of attention, I don't need to cater to someone else's needs, especially when that person is also an ass. I have tried to be decent, but I get ignored. I shouldn't have to be treated like shit for this. He knows that I don't get along with his brother for various reasons, but is that really a reason to get ignored and be treated like an object?
This feels very “Hand that Rocks the Cradle” to me. You're upset at the pregnant woman for keeping in contact with the guy that got her pregnant, and talking about it being YOUR chance to start a family?
Honey, it's not your child. Chances are she will not want you around the baby in the early stages, and a judge will agree with that.
If you and he are meant to be together, he'll still be there AFTER the baby is a little older and you can actually be a part of THEIR family. Because again, it isn't your family.
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Good for you that you see how “premature” it would be to make any future plans based on this guy's future plans. Obviously if he did expect you to go with him that would be a clear sign that he has no respect for your goals. “Living abroad” also requires the permission of the country you're moving to so it's not like you could just go there without the proper visas, etc. It's always possible that you'll be able to conduct a successful LDR and someday end up together, either in your home country or this new one he's going to. Your instinct that it's way too soon to make any longterm arrangements based on this very new relationship is the right one.
I was pointing out how “get over your insecurity” is bad advice and because he is being bullied over it and you’re ignoring any nuances like race and it’s bearing on expectations and perceptions of penis size. You’re ignoring that black men like OP are fetishized for an assumption of them having very large penises and how that could and definitely does play into his insecurity. You’re saying get over it and you’re wrong while the closest person to him just told him he was right to be insecure.
No one shit in my cereal. I just think it’s really pointless to comment on the validity of insecurity when it all stems from more complicated mental and emotional issues and none of it is rational, and I think it’s rude to both do that and then call the person who is insecure petty for being upset that their partner targeted them.
I mean girls share their sex life with their friends all the time but I can understand why it's weird for her to share it with him. However it sounds like she was literally bragging about your dick so if you're mad about that then you gotta talk to her. I'd be happy if my partner was bragging about how good the sex is but if you don't want her talking about that at all then you need to set that boundary
i get it no ones perfect. as long as u learn. communicate to her if she’s willing to listen how you feel but also let her no you get how you over stepped and how she feels about sex also.
Grown ass man needed his daddy's help to calm down after being told that it's bad for him to abandon his kid?
That's even worse.
Hmmm…. Good question.
Touching and being touched feels very good, I did MDMA together with a group of friends, so there was a lot of hugging. I did it in a techno club as well, so many people there were having the same experience, and sometimes would ask if I wanted/needed a hug.I had specifically asked my friends to have an eye on me, in case anything happens.
I'm in a long term relationship, my gf is in therapy and consequently stays away from drugs (for the time being at least), but I talked about it with her beforehand. I did also find out during the trip that a female friend of mine that I've known for years actually used to have a crush on me, so we talked a lot about how happy we both are that we're better off as friends. So I guess there was a lot more emotional openness? I did feel a strong need to hold her hand later on (touching feels good), and she agreed under the condition that we establish boundaries beforehand, to respect my relationship. So I guess platonic handholding and cuddling? My gf didn't mind, and it felt very comforting.
I do have to say that I usually get pretty horny at some point, but at least for me it's not in an animalistic way where I simply wanna have sex with the next-best person. It's still manageable and just dancing is also nice, but if you are in a relationship, discuss boundaries beforehand – or take it together with your gf. Be careful with dosage though, if you take MDMA orally it may need a while to take full effect, after what I've heard about 45 minutes, sometimes more.
In the end, I've only taken it a couple of times so I'm no expert, just found it to be a pleasant experience 😀
Maybe ask around here on Reddit some more, there should be subs dedicated to trip experiences/advice, but I don't know any off the top of my head.
Sounds like she isn't that into you.
You go, partner stays home. No conflict
As someone with far more life experience, yes, please, walk away from this one. She lied over and over, you had to get the truth from the guy. Without trust there is no relationship and there is no way you could ever trust her. If you hadn't caught her I guarantee she'd continue to do it. If she didn't want to lose you she wouldn't have cheated hun. You deserve to be loved by someone who is honest and faithful. Best of luck to you. I know this hurts, many times doing what is best is also what is most painful
Mhm
As someone living the swinger lifestyle, assuredly “talking about threesomes” doesn’t mean you’re in an open relationship and sleeping with other randos is okay. Nothing even approaching that.
But I don’t think that it even requires my opinion for the average person to figure that out.
A lot of comments focusing on the meowing, but it doesn’t really matter what she does, the point is it details the conversation so it either becomes about the meowing (aka you telling her to stop) or you give up. You said she’s doing it when your trying to be serious and talk about your day, maybe she doesn’t want to have the conversation and rather than verbalise it, it’s easier for her to be annoying until it’s over.
It’s not okay, and she needs to improve her communication, but I think it would be worth discussing it beyond the meowing and focus on the result; is she trying to shut down conversations? Is it a particular type of conversation she’s avoiding?
Oh HELL no. What your husband did was awful. I'm angry for you. I would consider divorce if I were in your shoes.
Ask her what's upsetting her, and repeat it back to her (paraphrased) so she knows you've heard her. Listen without passing judgement, validate her feelings (that sounds really upsetting, that must be very hot to deal with, etc) and offer some immediate solutions, not to the problem but to how she's feeling. Run her a bath, light some candles and give her a glass of wine. Put on a movie and order some takeout. Go for a walk, together if she wants. Whatever might cheer her up or take her mind of it.
Ask if she wants advice or suggestions, but understand that when most people are upset, most of the time they just want to be heard and validated. Sometimes people find having a plan for handling problems to be helpful, but in the moment just saying “why don't you do X,Y, or Z” is often not well received.
You need to set some boundaries.
From my point of view, every partner should be allowed to have self time. Going to gym, meeting with friends, videogames, having hobbies etc.
You should discuss about this. For me it works with 2 days per week for me time where I can go to padel, tennis, meet with my friends, etc while 2 days I spend with my gf.
She needs hobbies and friends of her own outside the relationship
Your gut is practically screaming at you and you’re trying to not listen.
Right and seeing as how she is harassing them and trying to manipulate OPs BF into a relationship, I’m not going to trust her.
It sounds like they started dating when she was 17 though. A kid. If she has since realized that she might be polyamorous, or even if she’s just curious about other people, that’s understandable. She’s human. She shouldn’t pressure OP into something he has no interest in, obviously, but she’s not a bad person for asking.
Spaying them walls
Your partner is jacking off while you’re home? Yikes
You don't own half of his car unless you're on the title or whatever the documentation is in your country. Tell him that you'll discuss loaning him the money for the engine when he's paid you back the 450 he already owes you. It's not gonna happen but at least you won't throw an additional 3k away.
If you go out, buy a tonne of snacks. It's likely you'll stop wanting to cook, so having snacks is a good alternative. Plan a day to yourself to sit back and watch a tonne of light hearted movies, things like kids films especially.
As I’ve said in other comments, I am unsure. I wasn’t at the doctors appointment. It may not be available in your country
The past is a foreign land that we can never visit again.
Leave it in the past and just concentrate on the here and now and the future. If she wants to tell you then let her, but make it clear that it's neither necessary nor required.
It's the past afterall.
If after three years you don’t feel desirable, hell after a week, if he doesn’t make you feel wanted and sexy, nope! He’s gotta go. You deserve to feel like the sexiest person alive by your partner. You should walk in a room and feel his eyes on you. When that’s gone, we tend to believe we aren’t sexy or very hot, it’s just how our minds work. “I know he loves me, I just need to lose weight or get into shape and he will desire me again”. That’s not okay, not in my opinion. I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. I really hope you aren’t feeling down about yourself because he’s too blind to see how hard you are. You wear the exact costume you want and you rock that. Confidence is the hottest trait a person can have. Don’t let him take that.
Casual prejudice as comedy. Wow.
Ignore the out of touch doormats, you did the right thing. Don't let yourself be taken advantage of. Get a divorce and think of it as cutting away the dead weight.
She'll never know. Best replace the thoughts of him with other positive experiences.
I’d say there needs to be a compromise. it sounds like she’s having some kind of burn out or mental health break, but it doesn’t mean she can just up and abandon her family. she needs an exact date of when she’ll return and she can’t just randomly decide she wants to stay longer.
What difference does it make if snapchat does alert the sender that someone has taken a screenshot? The evidence has been captured. In this case it makes no difference if the perpetrator knows that the victim has evidence. Of course if there’s a threat of violence it would be a different story but I don’t get that sense from the OP.
And then he changed behavior again unprompted and stopped?
I'm curious how he came to be diagnosed (he needed to have been diagnosed with conduct disorder during childhood, although I suppose if there's documentation and corroborating information, CD could be diagnosed retroactively) and who it was who told him and under what conditions.
More important, though, is what he's doing to address it.
My single most important red flag isn't that he has or might have antisocial personality disorder, it's that he used that as a “gotcha” and to shut down mom. At least as conveyed here, he used it as an excuse and presented it as a sufficient and apparently unchangeable fact.
If he believes this is who he is and that it can't change and that it explains/justifies/excuses his hurtful, harmful, dangerous, whatever behavior… He's dangerous.
Um, all the legal benefits granted to married couples? Tax breaks? Automatically allowed into hospital rooms for ill family members? Automatic inheritance in lack of a will? Ability to share benefits? The list goes on and on, it's not just a piece of paper. Maybe those aren't romantic reasons, but they can make your life a hell lot easier.
Also, your kid will have your last name, they'll just have a second name appended to it. I don't really follow the logic here–you seem to think that including your wife's name diminishes your familial connection to your child? The whole point of hyphenation is to emphasize the child's connections to mother and father. I can understand your surprise, but you seem to feel threatened by the concept. Why?
Having said all that, your girlfriend isn't in the clear here, either. This is hella manipulative. She agreed that the kid(s) would get your name, but then reversed course after you got her pregnant. It is possible that she changed her mind once the hypothetical children became physically real–sometimes. But her next action makes me suspicious. She threatened to cut you off from your kid if you didn't agree?? What the fuck. What the flying fuck. And then you stay in the relationship because of this threat. Holy shit. She used your kid as a hostage to keep you with her. That's extremely fucked up, and Does Not Bode Well for the future.
I guess what I'm saying is, don't marry this woman. Not because of the hyphenation thing (which is a reasonable request), but because of the using your child as leverage thing.
Sorry, just been a lot so breaking it up was very hot because it’s just such a long story.
And I don’t actually think he’s a monster, just my wording sucks. I meant predator. And that’s why I don’t trust him or want to forgive him because that’s exactly why I don’t want him to get away with something that’s not appropriate at all.
And it’s just a rental so luckily this isn’t a permanent location and he wasn’t on the lease anyways because his credit was bad and we didn’t want to risk not getting approved to rent. I thought I knew him because i’ve known him for 5 years. My roommate and I can afford it all, it just was awesome to think we could save more money by splitting the rent with another person.
When she saw how much money you had, she felt challenged to throw as many red flags up as possible
In the US plenty of people drive 150+ miles every day to get back and forth to work so 190 miles a couple times a week isn’t bad for many of us.
Don't start judging simply because I'd prefer her not to vape. Governments implemented policies about cigarettes and now no one thinks someone is weird for saying they'd prefer not to be around smokers.. a grown up would certainly not want their S.O. to vape either because they know what's best for the person.
I agree with you. I interpreted your use of affection to mean sex.
The alcohol is only letting out what she really feels. Think about that.
sorry, my brain reading super powers aren't working today. ?
If this is threatening and means for divorce, just wait until she actually experiences the real world. Holy shit, let’s use some common sense people.
Hi OP! I know you’ve gotten some good answers already (& some…less so) but wanted to chime in because I didn’t see the one I was thinking of.
One of the simplest ways to get used to a change like this is to practice! You could try talking about your partner to other people who know them, talking about them to yourself out loud while you’re alone, writing about them in a diary, etc. & it may help you internalize the wording changes more fluidly.
I can definitely understand it being difficult to flip that switch, so to speak, especially when it sounds like you’ve both been hand-waving stereotypical gender roles in your relationship. I’d also second the comment that said to try sitting down with them to ask what all they might envision changing in your relationship, if you haven’t already, & also that it eventually should start to “click” more naturally. I literally came across some old gaming notes with a good friend’s deadname on it a while ago & couldn’t for the life of me recall to whom it could possibly be referring, lol. You’ll get there 🙂
Im not gonna say the classic “divorce”! But I will say that you both need some serious couples counseling. If he's acting this way after you've had a miscarriage AND emergency surgery, I can't imagine how worse he'd be if you did have a child.
And I know that we can't judge him entirely based on one experience right. HOWEVER, this one experience is really really REALLY bad and I would not recommend trying again for a child until you both have had some counseling.
You buy the groceries, you cook the food, stop buying or cooking meat. Then, if he wants meat, he has to cook. He might as well cook the rest of the meal while he’s at it (unlikely) but maybe then you two could cook together.
Also, stop with saying your leadership position is with a nonprofit. You are in leadership. You have a demanding job. That’s the end of that story. It’s admirable that you work for a nonprofit, but what that statement conveys is that your leadership position isn’t as strenuous or stressful as a private sector leadership position (although most know that isn’t true, a lot people do associate “nonprofit” with voluntarism, which doesn’t sound difficult even though it is). You work very hot, he should appreciate that.
This is similar to my situation. We eloped during COVID but my fiancé wanted the big wedding and I didn’t.
We are having a very expensive wedding at a luxury resort. $1000+/night type of resort.
In the end I’m glad we are doing it because so many of her friends and family want to be there to see her get married. We are fortunate enough that the cost isn’t burdensome though I’d rather have bought a GT3 all cash.
We have informed all guests that their presence is present enough. A lot of the people who can’t come want to give gifts. We set up a few Zola cash funds for charities of our choosing and these individuals who wish to give money (it’s a norm in our culture) will be giving it to worthy causes.
You need to recognize this is for your spouse. This should be a time filled with great memories..:not being salty.
Suck it up a bit and enjoy the ride.
Thanks for replying. I guess we will see this week how things go!
Also, i don’t text her all the time, maybe one every few days just to see how she’s doing. I don’t want to bombard her. Is that enough to keep her interested until I get to know her more?
Updateme!
So how often do you call your wife’s work and interfere with her professional business?
Why not? You’re her husband. Communicate. If you feel like you can’t because you’re afraid to stir the pot, you’re just contributing to the problem.
Ask if other spouses are coming to the after party. Ask if you can stay at the hotel. Easy.
Why isn’t she blocked. Nothing good will come from you texting her.
I must have zero shame because not only would I not hide this trash picking find, I'd tell them that they might recognize my living room rug while having the biggest smile on my face.
Are you patiently waiting for him to change or are you waiting for him to give you an STD? Please tell me you left ASAP!!
He can google and get basic education before he gets his dick wet. I feel so sorry for you that you're so aggressively defending and justifying actions of a crappy partner.
You're supposed to leave obviously
What is “BSC?”
It's clearly not “like killing someone”, which is a capitol crime and a threat to public safety. That's fine if you don't have an ounce of concern for your own privacy, but imposing it on others is CREEPY. It would be creepy if men in such a group spoke crassly about women they hooked up with and it's no different with women who do the same.
What about body parts (penises or vulva, unique body details, etc), falsehoods, other private details that are irrelevant to the public? I refuse to believe you have no line in the sand here that can't be crossed without consent.
The creepy 32 year-old stalking and listing after the teenager is such a gross but so sadly cliché situation. That's just disgusting. OP's wife needs therapy.
It sounds like he is trying to make you feel like you are special, so you will put up with it for longer.
What is keeping you in this relationship? Everything you have said was negative. I've been in an abusive relationship and the good moments were what made me stay (intermittent reinforcement, they call it).
I understand pretty well the fear that you won't find anyone else. And I'm going to be honest with you: after all the damage this person has done to you, it may take you some time to find someone. But how are you supposed to find someone else, a person that actually treats you with the love and respect you deserve, when you are trapped in this relationship?
It may not be the same for everyone, but I've been in an abusive relationship. I know what it feels like to only have your abuser. I know you have to choose between staying in a toxic relationship and literally nothing (no partner, no one to talk to, no friends, no hobbies… The void, nothing). And something, even if it's a bad, a terrible thing, is better than nothing. Always. It's a step down. But a necessary step.
Yes, you have to get worse so you can get better.
And after that, who knows? I was pretty damn sure I'd be alone, but you may find someone else, a rebound or not. I believe you need some time to learn who you are, what you like and how to online by yourself, on your own terms. Probably some psychological help too to tackle your depression, self-esteem issues and navigate your emotions.
Don't have a kid with this man when he's not ready and can't handle additional stress. A child will be for life and it'd suck to find out that you had a child with the wrong person and someone who can't see himself committing to you.
If you already have trust/abandonment issues, this is 100% just going to exacerbate them and I wouldn’t be surprised if you ended up with a little bit of trauma from it.
Do. Not. Do. This.
Regardless if you want your relationship to survive, it takes a certain type of person to be able to be in an open relationship. And it’s not like you’re not also sexual yourself – you’re just overwhelmed. No one is gonna feel sexy in that situation.
Instead of tryna get his dick wet in other places, he should be asking what he can do for you to help you get to a place where you do want to have sex with him. Can he pick up more of the housework chores? Do you need more stimulation/suggestion to get you into the mood? Does he need to start earlier in the day and lead up to it?
You’re supposed to be a couple, but not having sex as frequently won’t kill him. There are other sexual aids than seeking out another person. He should be working through this with you.
I did say it in my original post, he took it after a dinner I paid for and it was an accident. I went to the bathroom when check came back and he grabbed it. We both just forgot about that
It sounds like you’ve been ditched and I’m not sure there’s anything at all you can do. They will never admit why you weren’t hired for the seasonal. With time it will all die down. Find new friends.
I respect your feelings. It's Your life, don't you forget. Best wishes ?