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Basically it sounds like you're living with a roommate who doesn't do chores, spends all her time on TikTok, messages friends, won't go out with you to have fun, spends all her money and then spends yours. She won't have sex with you. Therapy doesn't work, according to her. She's happy with how her life is because she is doing what she wants. However, she won't compromise with you to make you happy, too. Why are you still with her? I don't see how she loves you at all.
Lol? No, it’s not even remotely inappropriate.
Op, no beating around the bush here. In and around my city and others, worldwide, there are parks and secluded areas men meet to hook up. This sounds like such a place. It's dark, kinda anonymous and you hook up with whoever is available. No need for plans or communication beforehand.
His friend approached you bc you're not supposed to be there. And you're his special friend's wife who shouldn't be nosing around where she's not supposed to. He was phishing to see what you knew. He told your husband and that's why he's stressed and didn't go. He's not going to broach it with you bc he wants to stay in denial that you may have figured out he's into men.
You know your wife better then some schmucks on the internet. If you think she is acting strange, then I say trust your gut.