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however one person will not make that much mess,
Do you expect your children to not make messes?
I always told my kid, “If you can’t tell me about it, maybe you shouldn’t be doing it.” Not that a kid and a partner are on the same level, but it rings true – if you saw her texts or her conversation with a male friend (and vice-versa) would you be okay with it (and would she)?
A very old friend of mine who is married asked me to meet him for lunch while I was off during the week between jobs. At first I agreed. Then I thought really very hot about it. Knowing he is still in love with me, knowing my boyfriend wouldn’t like it if I met with a guy without telling him (while he was at work), and knowing that it would be more than just “lunch” from that friend’s perspective, I had to cancel on him. I just told him that I am a terrible liar and if BF asked what I did that day, I would have to tell him and I didn’t think it would end well. He understood.
I think your girlfriend would understand if you made those rules for BOTH of you. Why not set verbal boundaries? As long as they go for both of you, I see no harm.