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While understand and agree with everything you say, I asked a specific question. Are you agreeing that he took advantage of me here?
If the guy makes me uncomfortable and is still trying to talk to me after I tell him I'm married, I give him my IG then block him. It's hard to know how people will react to rejection
3 kids two dad's. I was with my current kids dad for 15 years
don't be a doormat
next time you guys have a meal together poison your husbands food and therefore her. Two birds one stone
Hey there, I had a distance relationship and I can tell you a few things about it. So a good thing to do is talk regularly, it strengthens the bond between you and helps to feel connected. Then also put effort into the relationship, balance visits out so both of you pay and travel an equal amount. Ask what boundaries she wants to establish and talk about yours. If you want to show her you love her tell her so, write little text how much you appreciate her and if you have a disagreement, talk through it. I wish you guys the best!
he told me i was being unreasonable, that she’s a friend/two people of different sexes can be friends
People fight for the relationships that are important to them.
I think you need the third option. Break up with him. You will find that life is too short for someone who is fighting for a relationship with someone else. “Boyfriend, I apologize for not being clear about my boundaries and my standards but I don't want to date someone who lets another girl flirt with him. I don't care if that is her personality. I want to be with someone who respects me whether I'm there or not. Since that isn't you, we should go our separate ways.”
You gave him a chance to make things right and he didn't take it. Now you need to reclaim your self respect.
I just walked away for good. I called her this morning and asked her to put her camera on and give me a tour of her flat to see she loves alone and she didn’t want to. So I ended it. She’s hiding a lot more and I’m not interested
Exactly- and the fact he’s trusting drunken answers about STDs implies he’s not concerned with condoms or safety at all
The person who cheats, is in the negative for trust. They have to show changed behavior and earn that trust back over time. Why would you fully trust him less than a month later? Particularly somewhere outside work, fun, with alcohol probably involved. He should give up on this party. HE caused this problem. You’ve chosen to forgive him and you do eventually have to let him out from under it to move on yourself. But it’s been less than a month. He’s not earned trust back.
In a Muslim country where I once lived, two men could openly hold hands and embrace. As you surely know, in many societies, Muslim or not, male friends are free to do either thing. But there, for a married couple, doing either was taboo!
The adult women there didn't live! as independently, nor get around as freely, as they do in the USA, for example, and their unexplained absence from the family home might not go unquestioned. Single men sharing apartments was common enough. Single, divorced, or widowed women stayed in the family home until (re)married.
I didn't go looking into the gay scene, and never heard local men or women speak of their forbidden desires. I'm only relating what was certainly unequal opportunity – gay men having a lot, gay women relatively little.
Just delete it
How tf is he being insecure he just told her it makes him uncomfortable and she basically told him to fuck off???
Except she's not perfect because she is in the US. That is a real circumstance that means you can't date her. I'm sorry but it sucks. You have to acknowledge that it won't happen and move on.
no other girl ive ever talked to made me feel like she did
I worry that this feeling makes it so you won't give her up – you are scared you won't find someone else. Trust me you will, you are very young. I had those thoughts when I broke up with my first gf at 16 – and guess what I found someone even better at 18. I had those thoughts when I broke up with her – and guess what I found someone even better at age 21.
You will be ok.
If they did see my post history, it would be great if they learned more about what having MS is like.
This guy owns a cellphone, so he has a device with a working clock in his pocket at all times. Presumably, he knows how to tell time.
The issue here is that he doesn't respect your time. He doesn't respect that you've set aside a block of time specifically to spend with him, that you've made sure that you are ready to spend time with him by the agreed-upon meeting time, and that you could be using that time for other projects, hobbies, etc. He doesn't care.
If I was in your position, I'd likely end things right now due to the repeated displays of disrespect for your time. If you're a bit unsure about whether you want to end things, though, I'd suggest making there be actual consequences for him being late, starting right now. Next time you two have plans, let him know up front that if he's more than 15 minutes later than the agreed-upon time, you will not be spending that time with him. But you need to let him know that when you make the initial plans, and you absolutely must hold that boundary firmly. If he texts you and tells you he's going to be later than the 15 minutes, tell him that you're just going to go do something else with friends/family/by yourself. Do not answer the door for him, do not answer the phone for him beyond to say, “Maybe you should go ahead and get all your errands out of the way, and let me know when you want to try to meet up again next time, without needing to make extra stops.” Then, let him schedule one more attempt to meet up. Let him know, again at the time when the plans are made, that the same 15 minute grace period is all that will be extended. And tell him this is the last time he gets that 15 minute grace. If he misses this one, then you'll know for sure that he doesn't respect your time or effort, and will be moving on in your life without him. And, again, hold that boundary firm.
If he respects your time and efforts, he will be there on time (not at the end of the 15 minute grace period) the first time you do this. But make sure that you make it abundantly clear that you're serious, and that you're tired of getting your hopes up and wasting your time waiting around for him when he never keeps his word to show up for you. There is literally no valid excuse he can give for showing this level of disrespect to you over, and over, and over.
You deserve better.
It's temporarily out of business. Very, Very small following. It's something I'd like to go back to and try to restart one day. I've locked it down and blocked him on that too.
ok so do you ever go down on her with zero reciprocation? Or is this just a one way street?
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I’ve spent the night at his house before and it was nice.
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It’s hard to get through to these guys sometimes. Even if I have reasoning, they tend to victimize themselves. I’m just done with it.
I’ve voiced to my parents why we don’t want a child. We don’t feel like we’re able to healthily take care of a child and they want us to support and parent an adult.
I can't find any indication in your post that your gf knows your history. Does she? If so, it shouldn't be too difficult for her to treat your issues with understanding. If that's the case and she's still impatient then she may be right, time to move on.
If she doesn't know, then the reason you're losing her is not that you won't show her your body, it's that she doesn't know who you are, because you haven't shown her your self.
Over to you. What's important? Only you know.
I'm not sure what you're imagining. People will change into their jock and it takes 5 seconds.
I spent my entire childhood with two parents who stayed together for the kids in a similar (tho ultimately worse) situation, and it helps no one to do as such in all honesty
I mean you saw what she was about and left, and decided to get back with her. Sucks that you were super desperate back then but let's be honest your still kinda desperate in entertaining her, pregnancy traps you, gives you herpes, has intercourse with your friends. I mean outside cheating on you she's done everything else to screw you.
Get a new therapist and report your old one for ethics violations.
Oh well. He did it to himself. Cheating isn’t something you can do on accident. Send the police for a wellness check and say he’s a threat to himself and move on.
I've seen people elope or get married with family in another country still have a bachelor party with friends back home. Even a court marriage one had a bachelor party, not 5 days, but if your friends are coming in from out of town, it makes sense to have a group vacation.
Good luck. Learn from this experience but don't dwell on it too long.
Again, your husband can say whatever he wants. It’s only about what he can prove. If he tells them they’re your edibles, but you have no trace of drugs in your system, that will go nowhere. You should get your child into counseling immediately. I would also advise you getting yourself into counseling. This is going to be an emotional road and you’re going to need someone to help you navigate through it in a way that supports you, your son, and your newborn.
I would not stay with relatives. You need to find a home for DV Victims that is unknown to your husband. Make sure you let every treater (and CPS) know not to send documentation to your home. Get a P.O. Box for mail.
I’m so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the best.
You’re not into him and I don’t blame you. There are several red flags in what you wrote. End things with him. You don’t owe him any reason other than “this isn’t working for me.”
He sounds very insecure and needy. Don’t leave things open (like agreeing to be “friends” or staying in touch). Though it might go against all of your instincts, do not worry about being “nice” or feeling like you owe him additional conversations so he can get “closure.” Move on and don’t look back.
The average guy doesn't get murderously violent when he's mad, and no indication from op or her hubby that he has violent tendencies would indicate a non-zero chance of him getting violent about this, let alone killing her over it. Yes, op should be as safe as she needs to and get out, but let's stop assuming every adulterous lecherous is a murder waiting to happen.
LMAOO YOU DIDNT COME OUT YET??!!
Equally yoked bud remember that teaching. Some women just cause they like you will hold there tounge. Then spring crap like this like dagger bud. Get out as hard as it is and. Get ya finances in order. Only reason I'm not married is men get splattered in divorce. It's scary I'm technically a Christian but I understand the worldly types. Remember be in the world but not of the world. I lived worldly and the other. You need to find a women with correct spirit. I do as well. She doesn't seem like she was on same page. And she could have told you when you proposed I hate that crap. My fiance did that to me but it wasn't about the sexual cause we don't wait it was material for her. So some these ladies are calculating. And some want to test drive sexually before marriage. Just how some these ladies are. Some men as well. Becareful and sure there some women that respect you trying to follow your faith. Just be careful don't be taken advantage of purity can attract the wrong element. I would know had it happen more then once. There really horrible women out there that are worldly. And there really experience women that learned and don't want to be like that. Just don't be so gullible women desire sex and certain wants though they appear innocent like a flower. Some like there flower watered and persona is put in front of you don't be fooled. I met few women I feel I could marry and most lied to be with me. So what saying dont be fooled and navigate best you can. And find a knew. Not many women are virgins. After a certain age its the culture. I'm 39 bud and been with 3 women. Dated a few in between. Slept with three two was looking term and that was 7yr one was 6yr relationship if that gives you the odds how things go in the world. There more out there she just hasn't found ya.
Ikr. Can't believe all these people telling OP they suck and in the next breath saying they should have empathy for “his sister”. No empathy for OP? Just gonna jump right in there and call this woman “his sister”? Not very kind.
Op's world just got proper inverted. I would say “jealous little boy” is probably one of the most normal responses to finding all this out. Especially because the dad is literally forcing OP to be the one to tell his mum (but only in the hopes that OP won't) and prioritising new kid over OP.
I’m going to quickly put aside some money and create an exit plan with help from friends- thank you so much.
I went through this with my child a few weeks ago. I don’t know what to say. I would be really put off if my SO couldn’t handle a fairly routine life event by themselves.
I too think names are sacred powerful names. And the love that you and your husbad have for each other as well as your children shows forth in this new sacred name. you do you and if people wanna bitch about it oh well
I think you're worrying about nothing. Just keep the gun locked up and unloaded and you'll be fine.
So you were 17-18 and he was almost 40?
You married too young and to someone who has a lot of problems they should be in therapy for. At this point maybe you should see if you can get this marriage annulled so you can both go live! a little more then come back together and see if this is what you really want. It's never great to pledge monogamy to someone with a totally different sex drive than your own. But if she's really got a sexual addiction that's something she may be able to overcome while she's in treatment for her other issues.
Take your husband with you, you can talk in private, but you should not be meeting without him there
Wow, so angry? Do you relate to this or got some unresolved issues of someone finding your toys? So much hostility
So get into therapy now.
I guess I hadn’t told her yet because I have a hard time understanding jokes at times and thought I was reading too much into it and that he was kidding. When I spoke to my husband about it he validated that it was weird and that there was nothing wrong with me feeling uncomfortable about it. I’ve also been struggling to tell her yes because no one will likely believe me, and also because it’s been so naked to accept it for what it is (I’ve been made uncomfortable by men many times before, and was sort of in denial about all this).
Find someone who finds your attractive. You don’t have to date someone who makes you feel like he settled. You are doing a disservice to yourself. Let him go. He’s a jerk.
That's not sexual incompatibility, it's a double standard. She didn't strangle a puppy, she had sex.
They are both adults and aren’t related in any way. So it’s really none of your business what they do.
You have every right to ask him to delete the pics of you. If you dont want pictures of other girls on there, he should be respecting our wishes. I know if my gf asked me to delete stuff (she has), i would (I did). I would expect the same from her if I asked. This is all about trust and whether or not he is willing to change small things for you
Honestly, I’d keep things casual until you’re ready for the next step (moving in together). Your job is needed for survival so personally, I wouldn’t risk that for any man but if I did, would at least wait to have my ducks in a roq
You are right, about anyone would. But the thing is this emotional affair fulfills the needs I have that my marriage hasn’t. And it works both ways. And I have through the years tried to resolve them with my partner with no change. It feels that in my marriage I am making the bigger sacrifice than my partner and that’s why I guess it lead to this.
Still not answering the question of hiding being in bed with the ex on back to back nights? You have no defence for this because we all know she fucked the ex
Two years ago my wife of 10 years said “I want an open marriage. Wedding vows mean nothing. It’s my body and I will sleep with whoever I want whenever I want.” We are separated and getting a divorce. Some people value sex over relationships. They are lacking something inside and think that by sleeping around they will find it.
I’m not going to debate whether a fetus is a life with you.
You’re having sex with a married woman, engaging in infidelity, blackmailing a pregnant woman and trying to pass off a kid as someone else’s. That shit is going to come back around on you man, probably when this woman gets an abortion and decides to tell her husband the truth. I’m guessing he’ll want to “talk” to you.
Good luck.
It could be that she's with someone now. It could he that she didn't like seeing your name or thinking about you on her bday. I mean whatever it is, she wants to cut ties. So just understand that and learn whatever you can from what happened
Exactly! Why doesn’t anyone understand this! Even if she forgot he’s liked another tweet of hers since we had the conversation ? There’s no excuse as to why she hasn’t done it yet
Agreed, this age gap is more common than you think, people be seeing so many '40m and 22f' that it's become an easier finger to point nowadays. Gotta love Reddit sometimes lol
doesn't want money, she just wanted a baby”. She refused a proper paternity test and instead just asked for the money.
Quite a contradiction in the same breath, isn't it? So yeah, sounds pretty fake…
Seeing her kid less than a month during the entire year is not a compromise.
Hi, person with ADHD here with a partner who also has ADHD. My partner has never made pleasuring me feel like a chore. If he finishes before I do he ALWAYS gets me off and he actually enjoys it bc he cares about my pleasure and happiness. Your boyfriend is using his ADHD as an excuse to be a selfish lover and a bad partner. Using his mental illness as an excuse for shitty behavior that has nothing to do with said illness is lowdown and shameful.
If there was no sex why would she message about retreating panties?
Clorox wipes???? Uh she sounds like she's a bit…. sensitive to this issue. I wouldn't assume you've done anything wrong.
I'm not letting him go I love him and he loves me
Because men don’t like over done women and.. a lot of women are getting over done these days. He’s afraid that you’re not going to look the same. It’s really easy to become addicted to plastic surgery and filler.
It’s been cold af in Orlando lmao I’m ready for summer
How considerate of him, has he asked you if you’d like to move there with him? Or has he asked if you would even want to move there? Or how you feel about it at all?
If he’s been with his partner for a year, it’s very unlikely he doesn’t have it or that it wouldn’t pop on a blood test. He didn’t say anything about protection during that period so I’m assuming she was the one on birth control.
Exactly, and they aren't his girlfriend's to manage! I know it's hard to self advocate at that age but it's necessary. His doctor should have already sent him for assessments in order to get the support he needs, especially since it sounds like he does indeed have ASD or some other sensory input issue. If not, he's just an ah
Your mom sucks. she is choosing this creep over you. also, he's probably been trying to groom you. Stay safe! try not to spend any time alone with him because I could see him trying something.
Break up because your boyfriend is pissing you off. You don't need any more reason to than that.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
I’ve been saving for 5 years prior to meeting my fiancee. A long time ago I asked fiancee how much money he has saved up for a downpayment and he said he could put down $300k.
Turns out that $300k is shared between him and his brother. So technically we’ll be in debt for $150k after marriage if we were to use the whole $300k.
I’m upset that he never told me about this. He makes a great salary and he could’ve easily saved up more then $150k on his own without dipping into his brothers funds but he never made an effort to save in the entirety of our whole relationship because he prefers to on-line in the moment.
I don’t believe in borrowing money from others because i’ve always believed that if your a responsible human being who takes responsibility for oneself and has common sense then there’s no need to borrow money unless it’s from the bank.
I don’t want to be stuck having kids with him with a mortgage PLUS paying his brother back over my head.
I’m not sure if I’m being overly concerned with this whole not borrowing money thing or if I should just let it go. Any advice would be appreciated.
TLDR: I (30f) don’t believe in borrowing money but my fiancée (30m) wants to borrow $150k from his brother for our down payment
-Sell the house, take your 50% equity
-Buy another house
-Seek majority custody of your child
-Seek alimony to balance the additional childcare demands
-Let the courts decide what is fair
That's how 95% of divorces go, what about that do you feel isn't fair?
He said there isn’t any specific plans yet for any after party and he doesn’t want to ask
He said there isn’t any specific plans yet for any after party and he doesn’t want to ask
He’s immature because he’s just assuming that he might have mental health problems if they don’t have sex, which has no basis in reality but instead is based solely on input from his equally immature friends. She, otoh, is being mature by expressing her actual needs which actually exist.
Only 70%? I would bring it up/ask. •Did she ever make a porn video? •if so, how long ago? Possibly before you got together? •if so, did she consent to it being posted? •if you’re not fully sure it’s her and only 70% sure, I would still mention it. Everyone has different opinions on it. If it is her, and it was before you got together, some people don’t care, some do. Best thing right now to do is ask if she ever made such a video, when it was, etc etc and go from there and what your boundaries are regarding porn and it’s usage
She’s an idiot. No shit there’s potential for injury when moving at high speeds. Based purely off this post you are not at fault
The amount of bullshit some women are willing to tolerate is astonishing
.
It's cheating. Just end it with exclusive guy
This. I had a severe fear of dogs when i was a kid. Got bit by the family dog when i was very little freaked me out. Even till my teens. I only in my 20s started really getting over it and i think they are wonderful creatures but I'm still alil apprehensive especially with certain breeds. Like you can love your dog.. but he doesn't know me vibes so don't tell me how I shld feel.
If i was a kid and i saw some couple just bringing their dog into a restaurant next to me or a supermarket.. I've had many a old Karen bringing their precious babies with them. I'd have completely freaked out as a kid.
You need to get out before her trauma becomes your trauma. She’s not okay right now. She shouldn’t be in a relationship.
Break up with him for his sske if he refuses.
Explain that he was clearly neglected and not taught basic hygiene or how to care for himself.
Either he fixes it or you break up.
Once you break up he will need to face reality and will grow several years in maturity. He will never be an adult if you keep enabling him.
Who knows maybe in a few years hes worth dating.
Generally when one person suggests opening the relationship, they already have someone in mind that they want to sleep with. It’s cheating with permission. 100% guarantee that if you had someone and he didn’t, he’d be crying right now about how unfair it is
Autism ?
Sit with them, and you don’t need to bring them a gift.
It is definitely not a “guy thing”. Source: am guy.
Out of everything you said, the biggest indicator is lying about being single. He is a liar, that is lying about you and your relationship. Every bit of that explanation is most likely a lie. Once you know your boyfriend is a liar, there is really no coming back from that.