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I’m in SAUDI and I seem more things here than I ever did in the west ?
Yeah, he gets attached and hurt easily. That's the reason why I don't want him to go.
That’s a tough situation if you still care about her then date her but not exclusively and tell her your not going to give your love completely
I see where you’re coming from. I don’t think he’ll completely change his ways, but you’ve been together for a long time, so I think calmly talking to him is a good place to start. Provide some specific examples. He may not do all of them, but perhaps asking him to do one or two things at first will be more manageable for him.
It’s also possible that he’s just so totally comfortable with you that he doesn’t realize that (example) walking ahead of you into a store while you catch up comes off as a bit rude.
Pick a couple of things and talk to him. See if he’ll engage back with you so you can work through this as a couple.
You have this 100% correct. She treats OP how she'd like to treat everybody, but does it to him because he lets her get away with it.
OP, you get what you put up with. And this is your fate as long as you are with her.
I suggest you both read the book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, by John Gottman and Nan Silver. Gottman did a lot of research on married couples, and followed up with them. He was able to find behaviors that correlated with self-reported “happy” couples, and other behaviors that correlated with marriages that ended in divorce.
Being “crazy for each other” wasn't necessary.
Your girlfriend may be someone who thinks the “in love” feeling is supposed to last forever in a relationship if it was “meant to be,” and I suspect she will always be disappointed. That feeling is temporary, and wears off. We just can't sustain that level of excitement and arousal long term. The 500th time your partner kisses you on the neck is never going to be as thrilling as the first time; it is still pleasant, but you know what to expect, so it won't have that electric aspect to it.
What keeps a long-term relationship happy is making the effort to include your partner in your life, to make sure you show them that you care about them, that you want them to feel safe, respected, valued, and comfortable, and so on. In other words, you choose to love each other in order to keep a relationship going.
I asked him if I was invited. He said no You can look at my other response to another reply. I did suggest to go with him.
Exactly what he says!
But seriously, though. Unless he's some kind of mastermind he won't be able to make up anything that would stick even if he tried.
For real, and the downvotes
Are we not allowed to care for others now? Love is not mutually exclusive, its the gift that keeps in giving
Thank you :’) I know I was being stupid and immature and I regret that, but it’s naked when I know my feelings were valid. I just wanted him to text or call and say “how are you?”
Not seeing any recognition? I said several times “I know it's not easy” or “I know it's tiring” or “I know she's tired” Which of these do you think implies that I'm ignoring the situation? And I'm not blaming her. As I said several times I know she's right but I can't do anything about it. We're living in a small town and there's not much jobs laying around. I'm already working in a minimum wage job, busting my ass out. And no, she doesn't have to do it, I'm just confused about the fact that she suddenly told me these horrible things and cut all contact.
Maybe don’t say the last part, that’s a bit mean imo no need to rub it in his face that OP wants to potentially date other people plus what I got from OPs post is that he is not looking for other people to date at the moment but more so needs some time for himself
Why do you assume she's lying
Honestly, it says something about Fred that you dated for 3 years but he didn't put in the effort to learn as much about your bestie as he could.
It shouldn't matter that Michael is “some guy he doesn't know that lives on the other end of the country”, he should care about his fiancé's best friend enough to ask questions and pay attention because Michael is important to you.
What's important to you should be important to your fiancé, and if it were this never would've happened ?♀️
Ask yourself if he did the same thing, would you want to know?
Literally just agree with him next time he does it. He wants to be coddled don’t fucking give him the satisfaction
Maybe you don’t need to be healed
He tried to let you down easy, you pressed and got the real answer. Don't ask questions if you're not prepared to hear the answer.
but I felt insulted and unfairly judged and I got really mad at him and I insulted him back.
He dodged an ICMB and is definitely better off for it.
hm on my opinion he likes you like a gf, maybe he thought you are in relationships with him.. and now he's jealous you. If I were you I'd clearly talked with him about his and your feelings.
I can completely relate as an introverted autistic lady who has dates some very socially outgoing people, it just wears you down to talk to so much even when you really care the person.
What I did to fill their social need but keep mine at a happy level was to have movie nights, if 5 nights a week you call make 2 of them movie calls.
You get comfy, grab some snacks and watch the same movie at the same time over a video or voice call, you're spending time together but the movie ensures there's less requirement to talk about much except the movie.
You don't even need to tell them why as it's just a nice date night idea 🙂 but it gives you a break from the social stuff while still doing couple stuff together 🙂
Was he sexually abused as a child? I feel like there may be something else going on with him emotionally that is causing this behavior. Definitely set some firm boundaries and maybe encourage therapy?
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Wow. They all sound like people you should cut off and let burn.
But better safe than sorry. And if you are alone and they try again, start recording them immediately so they can't make anything up.
In case this is real, what everyone else said.
Very well buddy but you’re on thin ice ?
Listen, if anything is gonna kill the mood, it’s his pet butt worm
You need a boyfriend that washes hand after scratching his butt and this bf is not it. Move on. Save your butt.
Got my first appointment next week!
I did talk to her about it and told her it made me uncomfortable, she said she understands my concern and is sorry she made me feel that way, and she just reassured me I have nothing to worry about. This is why I’m going to therapy really, I see that this is 100% a me problem, just wanted to get reddits thoughts before I begin!
I completely understand it must be overwhelming and sad.
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that’s really interesting to hear because my teeth are horrible and i’ve had endless cavities and lost teeth, but my gum health is impeccable apparently lol. maybe an inverse relation between the two?
like just recently i had to have my gums cut away so they could expose more of a tooth to place a crown and when i came back for a check up the dentist said it healed so beautifully he could barely tell there had been any work done at all. it’s the complete opposite for me with the teeth themselves, i had a cleaning less than 2 months ago and at that same appointment the dentist was like, but your teeth really need a cleaning lol. and my fillings are constantly falling out no matter what i do.
Move on she doesn't want to be with you anymore. Don't even break up just, block and ghost, as you don't have time for her!
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Kind of , but all of this was before I met her, when we met I was already on track to graduate with a job
Why do you still have her pictures and sexting conversations? Gross, you’re engaged FFS. She’s moved on, leave her be. You supposedly have, too. It sounds like your commitment issues are not resolved and that you are incredibly immature.
…are you capable of reading?
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Stop calling her his best female friend. She's his affair partner. You won't be able to properly deal with this situation until you understand that.
Your husband cheated on his pregnant wife with an affair partner he told you not to worry about while his betrayed wife was at home taking care of his child.
There are no combination of qualities he could have that would make up for that. He's just a bad person. You can't fix that.
Yeah…. 3 months later he taught his toddler to call him momma and she's convinced to ignore everyone that's telling her that this is way too fast and is instead talking about not using birth control to have 3 babies because “24 is so old” and she has to do it now.
This is what happens when you give manipulative people a chance.
and she passed it with flying colors
RUN!!
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She gave me an option, and I chose to not attend. So yeah, she should be cool irrespective of what choice i make. Thanks!
In the past I did and she mentioned it felt like I treated her less than human because I ‘ignored’ her, but I told her I didn’t feel comfortable being around her so gravitated to other friends
Sounds like there are lots of bavkstory and details missing. Is sex on birthdays a norm for you guys? Do you usually like this? Only playing Devils advocate bc those are important details. Did you console her in any way? What's the expectation when YOU want sex? Does she reject you like this?
As a trans person, I can say that’s an inappropriate time to disclose. I totally understand not saying it upfront because you don’t know yet if that’s a future between you and you’re just figuring out if you like each other. But to disclose literally while trying to have sex, it shouldn’t have gotten that far before disclosure. You have a right to be upset. Please don’t hold this against all trans people, we’re not all like that.
Yeah this will only end well im sure
Well, that’s good. Do you have a good guy friend where you could maybe offer to this guy like a double date/double hangout that includes his wife? Maybe him simply being honest with her could be good?
Like “hey wifey, I know this may sound weird. But I found a down-to-earth friend on Instagram. Yes, she’s female, but nothing has happened. But I’d like all of us to hang out. She’s bringing a friend of hers to make it 4 of us.”
I know that sounds great in a perfect world, and his situation may not make that plausible, but I’m just tossing that idea out there to perhaps make it feel less sketchy.
Yeah why not move the bowls? Or put the pills in the bathroom?
Although I do agree that it's a bit strange to dump the whole bottle out into your hand.
Your feelings are valid. Young relationships are weird because you are definitely not the same person you were four years ago, and you won’t be the same person in four more years. Neither will your current boyfriend.
What are the reasons you want to end your relationship? Is it just because you’re feelings have changed? (Which is plenty reason)
He got the crush after we started dating
The fact that you can't stop thinking about it, and it's messed your head up, says a lot about you and your character. It says you care about that child. And that's important! He probably views you as a parent. Or maybe just a play friend? Only you know the truth.
After reading your reply to several comments, I see that you felt there was no longer a connection to the mother and that she was avoiding you on purpose. Who knows whether she was just fucking with your head, or maybe she was spending that time with someone else? But the reason doesn't really matter. What really matters is she is using her child to hurt you and manipulate you.
So you need to think about what YOU want.
Do you love this child and want to continue to see him, spend time with him, and have him in your life? If so, there are ways to make that happen. But you'll have to deal with a certain level of contact with the mom, since the child is a minor.
Or do you feel you're not a father to this child, and you want a clean break from both of them? If so, going no contact and blocking her on everything is the way to go. Because this woman will always attempt to manipulate you, if you allow her the chance.
I don’t think you should leave him. If he wanted her he would be with her. The connections they have will reduce over time. He is in love with you. Just make sure you keep reminding him why that is. You need to show confidence in your relationship and trust in him. That will make you more powerful. If you start questioning him you will create problems and push him away.
But none of the girls he looks up are his exes. A few a has their numbers so maybe they were friends at some point. He actually did set up a trap. He got this girls number at the gym a few months ago and was texting her like he was single. Obviously I confronted him and he said he did that to trap me bc he wanted me to stop going on his phone. He ended up deleting her number but now he's constantly looking her up
That's a sure sign of insecurity.
Never ceases to astonish me that grown ass men are acting like I was at 18 with unresolved emotional problems
Because he's in a relationship and trying to keep the door open. Pls, block him and move on.
Have sex with her and another girl now. Take half a viagra and reclaim your manhood.
If that goes well and your feeling ballsy… and you want to conquer this fully.. try it again with another dude present (maybe take half a viagra just in case this time). Ooorr two girls and two guys present.. foursome?
Good luck, I believe in you. ?
Trust your gut. If it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. This doesn’t seem like a healthy dynamic, and you wouldn’t have gone through her phone if you really trusted her. I’d probably cut my losses and move on if I were you because you’re way too young to commit to working through trust issues and potential gaslighting. Her friend isn’t going away, and people should feel comfortable with their partners (otherwise what’s the point?). Also, even if you didn’t find anything truly incriminating on her phone, it’s not really cool of her to share intimate details of your relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you or his friends (your girlfriend’s) relationship. Venting to a close friend or seeking advice is one thing, but it’s different when they have sexual history and he’s clearly interested in her.
The vast majority of people are naturally monogamous
I just want to add to that statement. Monogamous relationships also have a better chance of having equal power-sharing dynamics and there is enough time for the other partner. It is naked enough to a couple to have enough time to make it to family functions, especially during the holidays add 50% more functions makes the difficulty go up exponentially. Then there is dealing with everyday life. Say if both of the other partners neds the 3rd partner's support at the same time. One of them will not be getting it.
Has it ever occurred to you that there might be reasons why he doesn't reply to your texts immediately. Here's but a few reasons why
He's driving He might not have heard the message tone He's working He's busy doing something e.g. sitting on the toilet He's asleep He's eating
I work as a truck driver. I might not reply to a text for an hour or two because I'm driving, or securing cargo, or possibly sleeping in the back. My partner understands that answering immediately isn't always possible. Your future relationships will suffer if you keep up this attitude
Cheating isn't a mistake. It's a choice.
It’s a gigantic issue and by your own account happens roughly once a month or a dozen times per year
You should consider professional health because this relationship probably won’t last
I think its time to discuss boundaries with him and set out your dealbreakers.
He's having sexual interactions with another person. Pretending he's someone else while he does it, doesn't change that.
If you're not comfortable with it, thats valid and you should say so.
Fair lol, I will miss him tho.
Show him these comments. So he can get his head out her ass.
.
You're probably right 🙁
There’s a waitlist for psychologists in my area.
OP, I am really sorry. This is a big betrayal. As a person who has felt shame about drinking, you might understand that he feels shame about this as well. Sometimes that level of shame drives people into deep denial. I would see if the two of you can meet with a family therapist. He needs to come clean about everything and describe why he has not dealt with this all this time. It sounds very similar to gambling in some ways, and procrastination can be a component of neuro-developmental issues such as ADHD. Gambling addiction and ADHD both are affected by medications, so it is possible there may be treatment options for whatever this is.
None of these comments are excuses, but the causes are probably a mix of irresponsibility and factors that make this harder for him than for others. Since the approach of reminding him, trusting him and being disappointed did not work, it will not work in the future either, you need a different approach.
If you love this man and want to make it work, you need to set up a system in which this specific set of tasks is not done by him.
Talk to an accountant about how this might work and make a plan. He could hire someone to keep track of the accounts part time and have record-keeping automated. He could have an accountant do taxes. The cost of these actions would be far less than the cost of not doing them. An accountant might know if there was a way to set up a payback plan to the IRS, a way to have some of his income sent to your personal account for use in your family and the rest put into an account for the iRS, or something else that can b done.
Have a financial advisor see if selling any of your husband's stocks would help. Have him stop buying stock until you are out of debt and sell anything that can be sold.
Then I think you will need to craft a new way to communicate. The lying is a huge deal and I would be devastated if I were you. It still could be fixable, but clearly not the way it has been.
Nah you can’t really do anything because if you push her to break up with him it might seem like you doing because you care for her as more than friends and that can cause her to cut contact with you.You just have let her realize what he’s doing on her own(assuming what you’re saying is true and her bf is being manipulative).Just keep being her friend and be supportive rather you agree or not with her decision to stay
His flight landed an hour ago and I told him. He giggled and told me to go the fuck to sleep.
Your hopefully ex GF is absolutely below scum
Your hopefully ex GF is absolutely below scum
Thank you for validating my feelings. It means a lot and I appreciate your bravery.
Your relationship sounds wonderful. True that I was not in my most calmed moment when we talked it, I will bring it out when we are in a better setting. Thanks for the advice.
I wasn’t there obviously so I don’t know exactly what was being said by whom nor what the tone was. But from your post it sounds like you were REALLY angry with him, you are reading him the riot act, he got defensive and was making some point to explain himself, and you interrupted him over and over but he really just wanted to finish what he was saying. This is an ESH situation. He is the AH for covering your mouth to silence you. You are the AH for repeatedly interrupting him, effectively silencing him.
Good on you for being strong enough not to just let that kind of thing go. That is really awful of him.
There is a lot of victim blaming in the comment section it's really pissing me off.
Have you tried couples therapy? It could help you rediscover each other and help him value what he has. Esther Perel's podcast 'Where should we begin?' is very good on this kind of thing.
Ha! You were literally in bed together and he left bc he wanted to have fun. Poor form on his part. All of the stuff about how he doesn’t plan dates or make an effort? It’s because he’s totally and completely selfish.
Save yourself another 6-24 months of being sidelined & break up now. He’s not a catch.
I still think you should pick up massage as a hobby and then do it to her as part of foreplay. You have the rest of your lives to learn every trick to her body.
The fact the masseuse got it right was basically down to a series of coincidences that just lined up.
Anyway, good luck. And remember, it's reddit. The majority get their experience from netflix or some kdrama.
this is not a good man.
They sometimes talk on the phone on those Wednesdays and sometimes do not.
Someone has to sacrifice something here, otherwise you go your separate ways.
Hisband is ok with his wife going on a singles vacation with her single friends to a
“CLOTHING OPTIONAL” bar
Haha ok. This is fake right?
This dude is not worth it. He’s also setting a terrible example for the kids. They won’t understand exactly what is going on but they will be effected by mom always being hurt and dad always being the one that hurts mom. Of course I’m not going to jump to divorce but you need couples counseling first.
You and the kids should be a priority. He’s clearly not being fully honest and that’s a huge problem. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Don’t date people who are mean to you
The man made a joke basically saying he’s about to take a huge shit and you got offended……………it’s not that deep whatsoever. This is making a mountain out of a molehill
Divorce darling divorce
I am really hoping this is a troll post. Leave this person alone and find someone else, ya weirdo.
It sounds like everyone is playing a different game than you.
Let’s call the name of the game “Happy Families”
The rules of the games are unclear, but part of it seems to be: -Contact each other regularly -Visit each other quite regularly -Act like you are a believing Christian -Hide parts of your life that don’t maintain a picture of the family that is following these rules.
The prize for skilled players seems to be: -Your ego gets stroked by the others in the family -You do not get put down by others implicitly or explicitly -You can expect support from others and can feel you belong within the family.
This makes sense of what your brothers are telling you.
You may have difficulty following unspoken and somewhat inconsistent rules if you are not neurotypical or have internalised rules based on what your family says rather than what they do.
If that is the case, I suggest:
Watch what they do as well as what they say.
When listening to what they say, reflect on what they expect to achieve by saying it, without assuming they literally mean what they say.
Say very little yourself and let them talk about themselves. Stroke their egos. Pretend you do fit in with the family and that you see yourself as being accepted (do not draw attention to the stigma they are used to placing on you and do not allow yourself to feel any shame for being who you are any more than they feel shame for their form of Christianity.
At some points you may decide to make new boundaries depending on how they play the game and what the rest of the unspoken rules of playing “Happy Families” is in the case of your particular family.
Lol omg, please rub your threesome in his face some more and break up. The fragile ego and hypocrisy of this dude. As a guy, I can't stand it when others want to pressure for a threesome and can't even handle the thought of it tilted the other way. It's fine to not want it, but the extreme reaction is so immature. Your bf is insecure and likely not on the same sexually level as you. Don't apologize for your past, it has nothing to do with him.
You can feel bad, have empathy and be compassionate whilst still having boundaries. You don't need to be his scapegoat. You don't need to be the person navigating him through all this. Only he can figure it out. Even if he needs to step away and eventually come back because he's figured it out that still needs to come from him…
But You still deserve a relationship with someone who loves you 100%,who will give back with equal effort you give them, who will care enough to be honest about their emotions towards you.
Is it possible that the wife was coerced by the friend to do more than she initially planned? From the post, it seemed like the clothing and style of photography stemmed from the friend.
When I was dealing with something similar, my husband simply told me that body hair is normal and our society has forced women to think it's not, he doesn't gaf about body hair because it's supposed to be there.
I'm with you guys – I've had my head in lots of strippers tits and sucked nipples, often with my partner right next to me, in the same boat.
I do not consider that cheating, the thought never even crossed my mind. It's a strip club. For me, it's much more about the context than the act itself. It's not like I met some woman at the grocery store and talked her into letting me suck her tits.
I hope all of the people calling this cheating and saying to break up have made it crystal clear that strip clubs are off-limits in their own relationships. Because this shit is tame and mundane behavior from all of my experience in those clubs.
Tell him.
“Beginning??”
Srsly tho! I’m not into the Daddy thing, but could at least have got this going as a little dom/sub role play.
I thought it was done and over with years ago. I've processed it and you all are right. It is something to be worried about and we need counseling.
You're either creepy or overthinking it. I can't tell which.
Honestly the only non-creepy way to go about this is to message her and say 'hey, saw you're back in town, let's catch up' and then ask them out officially after your catch up if you're still feeling it. Any more complicated than that steers straight into creepy territory.
I find it more unbelievable that folks are “in the middle of divorce” after 5 days. I've met the crazy type that'd go “pay for the coke and I'm in”.
Good luck OP! I’m glad you’re doing what fees best for you, and not what your ex is pressuring you to do
You’re a POS and a predator, the best thing your daughter ever did was get away from you. I personally would never be okay with a parent if they married someone my own age. That would be it for me and our relationship. Face it my guy, you’re selfish and your daughter made the best decision for herself. Enjoy not being invited to the wedding.
Bad sex happens, but just don't have sex with men who have a problem with wearing a condom, for your own safety. Now you're going to freak out that he stealthed you.
He sounds miserably exhausting. I have moments where I get very excited over something and do a little bounce or dance and my husband finds it adorable.
I think you're fine but he needs to get the stick out of his ass and stop being a wet blanket.
He’s not. I’m just in town. And he said he’s been just really busy
I’m trying. I’m trying to hang out with friends but I have no close friends or people I feel close to and my new friends I don’t feel comfortable it’s just a miserable experience . I’m at a loss at what to do.
I am so out of touch.
I mean no disrespect OP BUT… You are so biased that it has clouded your judgement. In fact you have no actually skills to provide the obvious help this family needs. the fact that you can explain away bad behaviour has me questioning you and I don't trust you. Do not have children, do not work with children do not work with victims, do not pretend to be a trusting friend if someone comes to you about rape… You display bad judgement and should not be trusted…. I'm don't with Reddit today… Probably this week. This post threw me off
yes he is isnt he?
Ignore that person. Even if she wants to know what is going on, she could have just asked and said she is worried instead of making up a wild BS story to get your attention.
If you really want to know what's going on go meet her, but whatever happens, she doesn't sound like a stable person.
There is nothing wrong with being in debt if you are able to afford being in debt. Is she able to make all her payments without missing out on other bills or life expenses? If so, then its probably not a big deal. If shes in debt but cant afford to make the payments or is late on other bills, then I would be concerned.
Having children together doesn’t mean anything. This woman is disgusting and definitely questionable at best for being with him
Yeah bro my husband would be out the door if I did this shit without his consent ??
Like come on. You mentioned that he knew you did naked shoots not that you touch other men intimately while you’re nude. Most men are not okay with this at all and the ones that are would like to know beforehand. Why would you send this to him? What was your thought process?
I don’t believe in “custody and visitation” of pets after a breakup. It’s always an excuse to keep contact with the ex.
My guy, you came here for advice. From what it sounds like you were being inappropriate with a friend while dating someone else. You made these “jokes” over text, no? She probably considered it sexting. And if i was your girlfriend getting those screenshots, I’d think the same thing. You were leading her on. Plain and simple. You can try to twist it to make yourself look like you did nothing wrong but the truth is you crossed a line while you were in a relationship.
You tell her him or me. She has to make a choice.
Thank you
That's not exactly financially sound advice in a divorce, that could really backfire in court. It's temporarily satisfying, but could really screw OP over long-term.
It ain’t you sweetie, it is him.
He needs to go to anger management training or therapy. Some times they don’t even know how bad it is but since he expresses guilt he knows.
The man needs to identify why he flies off the handle like he does. I hope you’re seeking therapy and help for your mental health as well. Your relationship can improve if he is willing to put in the work.
Change your locks, text him that you saw the videos and it’s over, and tell your friends. Then cry, eat ice cream, and grieve the relationship you thought you had—and the boyfriend you thought you knew—but didn’t.
I don't mean if she drinks a lot in general.
I mean if her drinking is getting in the way of having meaningful dates or time spent together frequently than there's an issue here.
But an occasional and she's hungover, i mean shit happens.
OP is upper middle class and he could be going to private or top rank public schools and likely plans on attending a top level university in the US. There are a lot more top 25 world universities in the US vs France / eu
With that behavior you won't achieve anything
If the friends wouldn't have issues in their relationships, they'd be honest with their partners about it. She sounds childish.
I think this too. His anger is twofold. He could have continued calling and told a white lie about his workload being less if Grandma asked. He didn't, and he's upset at himself for that. He's also mad at OP for overstepping and being the catalyst that caused his grandmother to withdraw in her final days.
That’s not realistic. It’s pessimistic.
A terrible world would not even have you considering it.
Don’t taint future innocence with it.
He’s 52 and is still a terrible person. Most likely he’s not gonna change. My advice is leave him. You’re young, you have time to find what makes you happy. Don’t stay with someone who doesn’t even care enough about you to listen to you.
Listen girl. This is fucked up. This is actually very much a valid sign to leave. Do not date a misogynist. They dont learn and they do not respect you no matter what their bias will always show through. If i were you i wouldve left.
You do not deserve to be dating a person like this. And its not often i tell people to break up. But i guarrantee youll be much better off without this person. A good relationship is like a safe haven. Not a burden.
I really really hope you leave. Do not put up with this.
To clarify yes I’ve got trust issues that I told him about when we got together and the women who were going after him knew all about me
I got no kids, tried the errands thing, turns into a :”you only call me when you need something”. So gave up on that too..
Sorry OP
Sounds that you are the house keeper and not the husband.
Moreover, you can be sure that she is cheating on you. I don’t know what you are expecting from this one way “ relationship”. She won’t change OP, she has no respect for you and she will continue to do so.
If you really know your value as a man/husband as you stated than divorce and go find a real partner
Let her know you’re at the end of your rope and you can’t do this anymore. Tell her exactly how you feel. Don’t blame her for your feelings, just explain them. Don’t walk on eggshells or be afraid of upsetting her. She will be upset, but you have to tell her so that she has the opportunity to turn around and make some strides to get better.
If she doesn’t make a turn around, unfortunately, it sounds like it will be best to end things.
Lol, you were never just friends but this is a lesson you now have the opportunity to learn only once. I've had to learn it many times.
Any time a guy says he wants to take it slow, he's not ready for a relationship. He didn't actually want friendship with you, and that's okay. He took the cowardly way out by blocking you but he made his intentions very clear. Look for these signs with future guys and use this as a teachable moment.
Short version.
Walk away.
Tell him he has to look like your favorite male character from anything. /s
'She won't look' lol Granted its not when she's up and about and the gap only sees the end of the bed but still However that issue will solve itself when the cat eventually passes (she's 13) or we move out together, whichever comes first, he usually stays at mine anyways so its happening often at all thankfully
I would have similar questions… weeks later!
AFTER hugging my mate close and acknowledging how terrible their experience was and reassuring them that I still love and cherish them and telling them how glad I was that they’re getting help and how brave they are for talking about it and asking what I could do to help and telling them how sorry I was that they had lived with such an awful and painful secret so long!
You ask the question as if the expected answer is that they have cheated. I don’t have a statistic but you seem to have a very narrow perspective. I have never cheated and I don’t think most of my friends have either.
Ewww no
You'll have to see them outside of that setting.
You'll have to see them outside of that setting.
You'll have to see them outside of that setting.
He's a misogynist and he's trying to control you. This is a conspicuous red flag. This will metastasize and escalate into other problems. Do yourself a favor and consider ending the relationship before he molds you into someone you don't recognize.
Is this the same guy that got you pregnant when you were 15? It sounds like it’s time to rethink the type of person you want to be with.
I'm sorry you are going through this. Yeah unfortunately guys usually do get screwed when it comes to custody and divorce. Well I hope this is something you two can work out with just a conversation. Doesn't really sound like she sees a problem though. If you can't do sex counseling it might be a good idea for you to get some counseling. That way you don't have to go through this alone. The counselor can help figure out a way to confront her in a calm manner that gets your concerns and feelings across. Again it's a shitty situation. I wish you luck with whatever you decide. If I can think of something that could be helpful I'll make sure to reach out
Dump his ass
When I was 19 I dated a 27 year old like this 🙁 i caved and caved and caved to everything he wanted because I was afraid to lose him, but I lost myself instead. I didn’t know what I liked, what I wanted, or who I was anymore afterward. it took me a long long time in therapy to start feeling like myself again. Love yourself more than you love him, I wish I could go back and tell myself that.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
My fiancé Mark (51M together 10 years) really blew my mind last night.
His daughter (23F Sarah) just completed a vocational program.
Mark is wealthy, practical, and I do love him a lot. But sometimes his emotional intelligence reaches 0%.
Sarah has been trying to get away from minimum wage jobs. But she’s shy, introverted, depressed, history of self harm. Her mother isn’t in the picture because Sarah isn’t as dedicated to religion/(cult)
Sarah found a vocational program that was reasonably priced and offered a valuable skill.
She asked her dad if he would help her with money. He said no. She doesn’t have a credit card, she can’t get financial aid because of his income, I also have a VERY high income. So I paid for it. It was literally loose change for both me and my fiancés respective incomes.
Sarah finished, passed an exam, got a license and now has a specialized skill. She told us last night that her final task was completed. She’s employable.
He said, “why did it take so long? That school sucks. For-profit vocational colleges are worthless. Why don’t you have a job yet?”
I’m so angry I’m thinking of leaving him. But I don’t want to leave Sarah behind.
I just feel awful.
The same way people did for all of history before the last fifteen-odd years. Jesus
Once again, this is about you.
It sounds like you've communicated your boundaries to her…and she has ignored them and made it all about her. That isn't a good friend.
You are allowed to have friendships on whatever terms suit you. I suspect you are already trying to compromise to some middle ground that already makes things uncomfortable for you. If she still wants more of you than you are prepared to give, then that crosses the line into negativity. If you have already told her all this, then there's not a lot else to do than walk away from the friendship. I would have one last attempt to get through to her before doing just that if she continues to be selfish.
Im confused. Elsewhere u said u dont leave the bed.
You were with him for 7 years. I know this behavior didn’t start after you had the baby. He’s always been like this. What were you expecting? Your in a rough spot cause he is absolutely going to claim that since he works he does not have to take care of the kid. You can try to talk to him about helping on the weekends but I’m not optimistic. So either be prepared for nothing to change or becoming a single mother.
Thank you this was really well put together, especially the first paragraph
Idk this sounds suspiciously like r/menwritingwomen.
If not, leave the poor kid alone.
This might seem rude, so I'm already apologizing for what I'm about to say even though I mean it with the best of intentions. But it's the truth and you need to hear it:
You are literally one of the biggest fucking idiots I have ever seen. Stop being a naive child and kick this asshole out of your life.
Either it’s his kink to imagine you with other guys or he’s just the jealous insecure type trying to make sure he’s the best. In either case, I’d shut it down clearly and firmly.
Try coming at it from an “I saw this live and wanted to try it with you” angle. Then direct and school him as you start to kiss. When you're pleased with his ability to do it how you like, reinforce and praise the learned skill, i.e., “That's so nude. You're such a good kisser.” or “I love it when you kiss me like that.”
I know “honesty's the best policy” but you don't want to bruise his ego and make him feel self-conscious every time he leans in for a kiss from now on. I think as far as little white lies go, this one's okay.
Yeah I feel like part of me is just letting him back because I still want him and wish things could be as good as they were in the beginning but never again. This game is getting so old and he’s never going to stop but I can.
that is up to you but it is what i would do at least 🙂
Thats ultimately not something u can help with OP. She needs to actually realize u love her and being around other women doesn't take away from that.
Maybe she should go to therapy bt behavior like this ultimately pushes partners away because it tends to get weirder and more ridiculous
My question was how to play naked to get if he already knows I'm clingy. Telling me to leave him isn't an answer to this question
He wants to explore people other than you. Being with one person since the age of 12 isn't the norm. Consider this the beginning of the end.
The best thing to do would be to talk to your boyfriend about it. For instance, say that it makes you feel weird because of the constant change in plans where he eventually ends up hanging out with just her. And if he tries to see the situation from your perspective he might understand where you're coming from. Best of luck! I hope your issue gets resolved.
Yeah, I do understand his side, to be honest. Just not the way he served it.
I'm childfree and my husband is as well (we also have a habit of rehashing crucial relationship points every now and then, just because we are getting older and, hopefully, more mature).
We, however, discussed every possible outcome before we got “serious”. Possible abortions included.
The thing that got me here is, mostly, threats. And kinda empty promises afterwards.
I do believe that people should be ready not to have kids but to become parents.
This is the case where, most likely, none are.
So, it's kinda natural for them to walk away from each other.
Can't say I didn't get the “ooof” reaction from OP wanting to find an older partner to have a baby with.
That's where it goes kinda “I wonder whether she wanted a baby with her BF or just a baby as per se, no matter who with”.
Jeez, you are projecting so much here. Sorry things were like that for you but if I even remotely thought that this was the case for this lady, I'd be saying it. Please feel free to try and make me out to be a terrible person, I really couldn't care less about your tactics.
a “backup”? The delusion. She has expressed zero romantic interest in you, that’s completely one sided.
If you can’t grow up and set your unrequited feelings aside, you can initiate ending the platonic** relationship.
You sound like a 5 year old, and not due to the English
I think you decided people were drunk enough but you got caught, “I was drunk, I don't remember,” it's a good pill.
You were alone for 5 minutes in a group of 8 people, both of you are unconscious, but you take your pants down in the bathroom and chat with the background.
kris heard you and laurada sees you tidying up
You should try very naked to get the man to have intercourse under the conditions you say, alcohol does not help with an erection.
everyone at the party tells your partner that you and Art are having an affair,
Just the two of you don't remember,
You have to appreciate your partner, he's trying to cover it up, he's protecting you without caring about his own image.
My husband realized that when I had a stressful day, I would lash out. He asked me what I had eaten during the day. It turns out I hadn’t eaten and had low blood sugar. Could this be the case?
Let him go.