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Feelings are always valid. But I'm wondering how clearly you've been communicating these feelings. If you've been with someone for 8 years, it's easy to fall into status quo behaviour. Something that may of bothered you but you just let it go for the sake of peace, now he thinks that your boundary lines are somewhere else.
Not spending Christmas together is his normal and what he expects. It might be why he's so surprised. You can't go with him to his family because he's not out yet with them. Fine. But do his friends not know? Is that why you can't spend Christmas with him and his friends? It's a little weird in my head that he's banning you from hanging with his friends.
He's offered you Christmas Eve, and for many people I know, Christmas eve is when they celebrate Christmas. Many more people create flexible schedules when they have large families and go see different people over a few days. I'm doing Dad's family Christmas Eve, Boyfriend's family Christmas Day, then Mom's family Boxing day, we still have 3 birthdays and then new years with friends. The date of Christmas is less important to me than the overall spirit, but that's just how I was raised. Your boyfriend might be surprised you are not willing to celebrate the holidays on different days.
I suggest a calm, thorough, sit down conversation. Explain why spending Christmas together is so important and hear what he has to say. Be prepared to lose Christmas day with him this year with the understanding next year he'll focus on you. If you can't come to a mutual agreement, than maybe your values are too different and you need to reconsider the relationship.
I don’t understand
Asking is not how you get custody. You don’t just stroll over to your ex wives house and say “how about I get full custody?”
It’s a whole process and courts routinely decline. it costs money to challenge court decisions, so that’s really why. The courts almost always initially give custody to the woman.