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It's more likely if the guy told the GF, she wouldn't yell at OP, she'd just know she needs to delete all evidence, text messages, etc. on her phone so there is no way OP can ever find out for sure.
Thanks for this sound advice! I'll take it to heart.
True. But, don't feel comfortable posting a pic on a social forum. I'm 5'9, 170, medium build. So, don't think very threatening. I do remember when I was 20 a drunk lady at the bar told me I looked like Richard Ramirez. Sooo, that could be a factor.
There’s this called STD tests that actually tell you if you have one.
I get my girl off everytime we fuck I know because she gets incredibly tight and extremely wet and hot so we never had that issue
Ugh, this is kinda what I’m worried about to be honest. It’s not exactly easy to parse where exactly the prices come from, but we had such a high bill this summer I don’t want it to happen again…
Thank you
I was spanked when I was young, I spanked my son a total of 3 times when he was younger and each time I had to walk away and cry. After that it never happened again. I had to find another way.
How, specifically?
If you keep choosing your family over your husband, he will resent you and eventually you’ll be divorced
This was no mistake my dude. You were just collateral damage.
Do not waste your time on shoddy people.
The only friends i have here so far are his friends/partners of his friends so not really
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Never hurts to ask. I say go for it!
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yes you should. if she is understanding and actually wants a serious relationship with you then she will stop talking to her ex. If she starts an argument then it's clear she doesn't really love you
There is a huge difference between making new friends and going on a date. She specifically wants a 1 on 1 intimate meetup. 7pm at the beach? Get real. This isn’t her trying to make a new friend this is her trying to find out if this guy is worth leaving her boyfriend for. If it’s just a new friendship there shouldn’t be any issues including her bc or others.
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Tell him you downloaded Reddit and searched his profile just to see what he was interested in and saw the subreddits he was commenting on. Ask him flat out to see his phone as his comments were very concerning. If he won’t give you his phone, then you have a pretty good idea that he is hiding something from you. If he does show you his phone, make sure you search all his apps, or just Reddit. Also, if he has an iPhone take a look at the pics stored/shared on those apps (Settings/iPhone storage/“name of app”/photos)
In the meantime, check your cell phone bills and credit card statements to see if there are any phone numbers that you are unfamiliar with that he is communicating a lot with and charges that seem unusual.
Alternatively, if you aren’t ready to confront him, set up a fake Reddit account (using a fake email address) and send him a direct message. Say you saw a couple of his comments on the affair subreddit and you are intrigued. Tell him you are in the area and are looking for someone to meet up with. If he shows interest ask for a spicy pic. This will let you know if it’s him and how far he is willing to go.
I wish you luck!
OP, I fully agree that you don't have to do all this stuff for your daughter.
To be fair though, your daughter is just scared right now. She's heard from her friends how much work it is having a kid (which you know full well) and seen from the friends with parents who either want to or are forced to parent their grandchildren that she can be a mum and have it all too…
A frank discussion about what you're willing to support with and what not should do it, and an honest discussion about how much you need a break after raising your mentally disabled son.
I think the way to move past it is gently, and to try and separate what is fear, and what is just entitlement…
I’m so sorry op. Please try to look at it this way.
This find is a gift. You now have the information you need to make a sound decision on what you should do for yourself and the pregnancy.
He’s clearly lying.
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Thank you, I couldn't agree more. I appreciate the responses and the perspective – especially pointing out what you thought could have been a red flag. I really want to be supportive and not be the cause of more problems.
even if he’s from a different country though? he’s leaving in a couple days…
Their relationship might get better, but even if it doesn't she will still be much happier when she's not constantly being dragged down by his piss-poor attitude.
OP should leave ASAP for the sake of her own mental health and for the sake of her children. Living with two, or at least one, happy parent is far better than living with two miserable parents.
Well then she should have had the abortion.
She made the choices that she made. It's a harsh reality, but she seems to look all over the place at the fires she starts and goes “this is fine.”
Something similar happened with my bf. He accidentally clicked on his profile that he was 27 when he was actually 29. I asked him about his birthday on our first date, and when the dates didn’t match up, I asked about it. He gave me the explanation and that was it. I asked to see his ID to confirm, but after that we didn’t have any problems. 6 months is kind of a long time to keep up this lie, but I don’t think it’s the end of the world. Hopefully she will just laugh it off. But it’s best to come clean now, rather than later. And you only lied about a one year difference, if it were a 10 year age difference, that would be a much bigger problem. Don’t be too hot on yourself. You made a mistake, just own up to it and try to move forward.
The fiancé is trying to get you back for not wanting to be her friend and not responding to her advances. She’s probably trying to alienate your friend from the entire friend group because she can better control and abuse him if he doesn’t have a support system. He’s just too infatuated with her to see it.
She’s nuts! There’s nothing you can do. He’s falling for her BS. Let him.
Dude. If you taught so badly that the police arrested you and you have caught like this before? You are actually doing yourself and your kids the biggest favor by having this insanity end. This relationship isn’t healthy. It should be over.
If it sounds too good to be true it probably is. You haven't met this new guy in real life. You honestly have no idea what he will be like , what he's like to on-line with, his real personality. People can so easily hide things, their name, their real identity.
Why his he single? What's his job status ? Has he ever asked you for money? Did he encourage you to divorce? Does he feel bad to be involved with a married woman.
Yes, it was 100% shitty to have an emotional affair instead of talking to a lawyer and getting a place to online. You didn't need to cheat on him to do any of that. You didn't need his permission to do that.
Don't you find it odd he would message you once he knew you were married? Isn't it odd that he barely knows you and instead of doing short visits he's going to move to your state? How is he employed?
Because paying his fair share when you can is not the same as pulling his weight in the relationship. What is the scenario if he loses another job and doesn’t immediately get a new one? OP is a full time student and works part time. They are struggling financially. And it’s not because of OP.
I’m sorry but there’s almost no universe in which the police will take this seriously.
A hidden camera, however, is a good idea.
Honestly man just stay away.
No he probably got told to write it by his therapist or similar.
Please. Dont be so stupid. You know what kind of preteens post on reddit.
Why do they have to be the one to miss out when the ex has changed the 'rules' set?
It shouldn’t take three years to make a decision like this.
“Do I want to go through some paperwork to change my last name” is actually two separate questions. One, “do I want to change my last name to my husband’s” and two, “do I want to do the paperwork.”
You stalled and delayed until the decision was essentially made for you. That is, now your names are presumably on more things together and you would have to jump through more hoops to change them.
Ask yourself this question. If there were no paperwork involved and you could just instantaneously change your last name, and have everything magically and seamlessly change to reflect that, would you do it?
Because it sounds like the answer is no, and has probably always been no.
That’s why your husband is mad. He suspects that deep down you knew the answer all along and were stalling until it was convenient to give that answer.
You are not the father unless her OB is very incompetent or the baby has severe growth restriction. They measure gestational age two ways: 1. First day of last menstrual period, which can be off if a woman doesn’t track it closely but not typically by this much; 2. Size of the fetus on ultrasound/size of the uterus on physical exam. If the baby has severe growth restriction it could be measuring WAY small and so the doctor would get the gestational age wrong, but typically there are signs that alert to this process. So unless the OB is terrible at their job or you are wrong about when you had sex this baby isn’t yours. Demand a paternity test.
I think you need to consider how you’ve always had this boundary and have made him aware of it very early on. He’s agreed to it and needs to respect it. A healthy relationship demands that mutual level of respect. Also if he says he can’t control it he needs to seek professional help if possible and you guys need not watch it together at all. Also consider how he also dismissed your feelings when you brought up how uncomfortable you felt. Someone who loves you would hear you out and not highlight how easy it would be for him to continue his addiction out of your site. Finally you need to consider how often are you willing to have your boundaries tested and how often are you willing to have these conversations before enough is enough.
I just wouldn’t be having a child with someone so determined to get what he wants despite what it costs you mentally and physically. It does not bode well if you DO have a child with this guy. If you are honest with yourself; I think that fact is a huge part of your anxiety.
Wow, no do not call the police. They will think you are the problem. And they would be right. She has a right to be mad. You are completely wrong on this one. These are not “personality changes.” Her mother was an immigrant from Kosovo. There are ethnic Albanians in Kosovo. They consider themselves to be Albanians. She wants to explore her ethnic background. And that should be acceptable to you and everyone else in the world. She is in fact Albanian-American. Or at least Kosovo-American And you can not cancel that for her. If wants to connect to that heritage, she should be free to do so. Why are you invalidating her feelings? This connects her closer to her mother and her heritage. What is offensive and embarrassing about this?
Irish are upset that someone who has some Irish ancestor from 150 years ago but it's mixed with so many other ethnic backgrounds that it is not relevant to their lives claiming to be suddenly “Irish”. This is not the same. She has a direct connection to Kosovo-Albanians, and she probably has close relatives there, unknown to her.
You ought to apologise to her for invalidating her feelings on this topic, and try understanding that all Americans who are not Native Americans came from somewhere else. And the genocide was and is a serious issues, especially now the this is happening in Ukraine. If you are embarrassed by her ancestry, you need to find someone else. But don't blame her. She s normal.
I agree, he needs to break up with her. And then he needs to attend therapy because he has absolutely no right being in a relationship.
He didn't warn her, he threatened her. And then he carried through with said threat and continued the attack when she dodged.
I don't need to suppose anything, it's states that gf couldn't stop vomiting, which sounds funny but carries very serious risks, from the potential cause to dehydration and ending up on an IV. If that happened to my husband you can bet your ass I would be in the ER with him to support him, talk to drs, find out what's going on, etc. Because I, ya know, care about him.
She is not your friend. You don't want to hurt her, but she doesn't have any care about hurting you. She won't stop. Even if clear boundaries are put before her. Your bf not putting a stop to her behavior is a big red flag.
Mate, shes lying. The crying was a weak ass attempt ar emotional manipulation, shes just unhappy she got caught.
I’d be looking for another job since your manager isn’t managing and you can’t do your job properly.
My cousin who is a neurosurgeon makes around $200k
Ok, that seems low though? I always thought they made like $500k or more. Just considering what it takes to become a neuro surgeon.
Why? I am not saying it won't be boss' fault, but if you step in a cage knowing there is a tiger, did you really do nothing wrong?
Unfortunately no.. which again I probably messed up on. Was hoping there was a kraken game or something but nothing was really going on that night.
I think you’re right though, too much emphasis on the car, not enough emphasis on making it special for her.
I don't understand why she even brought that up.
What relevance does this have to you when you weren't there with complaints of your husband being adamant on having a biological or any child at all?
What mother would advise an open marriage? Bonkers
There’s not really a better way to say it than this. OP, my advice is to apologise for your behaviour and cook that girl the best damn meal you can muster up and hope she is understanding of your shortcomings.
I only briefly told her this, but not as detailed as I did. here. I don't want to overwhelm her, but I think communication is key.
I'll see her next weekend, do you think I should wait until then or should I assess the problem right now? We text frequently (every day), or is it inappropriate to talk (or rather text) about a topic like this via phone? I'd like to get this off my chest as soon as possible since it's bothering me quite heavily.
He’s telling you what he’s willing to do, so it’s now up to you to decide what you do with that information. You can’t force him to get it. He’s choosing to, for right now and the foreseeable future at least, either risk a tear or not have sex.
If you’re not okay with that then you should decide if you want to stay or go.
And there you go!
Embodiment of her breakup with him energy, being confident to walk away, will actually make him shape up or let you go.
Either way you can finally choose yourself and stop choosing him, cause his ex always chooses herself. Hence why it was easy for her to walk away.
“He is the love of my life”. Youre 23, you don’t know what love it
Try to get to the bottom of the issue.
I don't think OP needs to get to the “bottom” of anything. She hits him, and you're telling him to figure out why. Ridiculous.
“You should become an ex” got me good lol
The problem with the nickname is you may call him that, but everyone he knew before you will likely still use his old name so you will be triggered. So, definitely therapy.
OMG you need new friends. No you don’t have gay tendencies and and really who would care if you did. Your friends are being foolish – sometimes you deflect because in reality they think shes hot. At the end of the day do you really care what they think ? If you do that’s the problem – your GF is doing something for her not for the discussion of your friends.
True. Maybe I should cry in front of a therapist so they'll say nice things to me ?
Put a bandage over, paper tape it, and then GO TO THE DOC. tell her parents you have a minor infection.
LDRs are not good.
If someone's line of thinking is “I hate myself because I'm ugly and nobody can love me the way I look”, your still going to have these underlying thoughts after surgery. Not saying nobody should ever get cosmetic surgery but it's addressing the top layer of issues when there are deeper underlying mental issues pushing this.
I guess you need to ask yourself why that is. What about it makes you uncomfortable?
You need to tell her that shes changed since the engagement and youre having second thoughts since shes not the loving person you wanted to marry anymore. If shes dismissive when you try to talk to her about it you need to make it very fucking clear. If the intimacy is dead as well, dont expect it to go better after the marriage. Dont overthink for her and make excuses for her like “maybe shes stressed etc”. If she wont tell you whats wrong its on her, not you.
And if she doesnt find whats wrong and keeps being an asshole… Seems to me she put on a mask to find a husband/caregiver and now that she has one she doesnt need to pretend anymore.
In any case, if you backup from the engagement you just need to explain what happened to everyone and they'll understand. You dont have children, youre not married yet, and everyone will understand.
You probably don't know her cause she isn't that special then.
Either way your boyfriend doesn't have to bring you along to everything, nor does he have to let you meet everyone he hangs out with. He's a grown man. He's allowed to do what he pleases.
Copied and pasted because apparently I didn't respond to the thread oops apologies
Wgat exactly does he have to plan for other people. They know when and where they are invited and what they are doing. If they want to come they can plan it out themselves. The site is paid for and everything else is up to them.
Also meeting with friends doesnt necessarily mean he needs to feel special at all. Especially not that he needs things on top of that. If he does not want a party then he does not want it.
I'm sorry this MAY be the case. It also could be falling in with the NFT crowd… I don't know many, but I know what it's like to suddenly feel “desired” by many people so I suspect she may be having an overblown ego moment on top of it all. This happened to me when I was 20 and started working in (what I thought at the time) “glamorous” nightclub jobs.
Discussing sex in general almost feels illegal here
My 4 year old grandson’s wiping skills are so much better than that!
Not a bad idea.
What did you try? The difference between twice a week and once is small. Have you tried twice a week? What happened?
“Obnoxious crime”
This crime wasn’t obnoxious. It showed that he’s not only willingly unfaithful but he’s also willing to assault women to get what he wants. If I were you he’d be kicked out of the house, regardless if he was the best person in the world before that (which is sounds like he wasn’t with how frivolously he spent money). If you stay with this man he will know he can do that and you’ll look the other way. Also I hope you get tested because if he’s willing to do that what makes you think he isn’t on his way to cheating if he hasn’t already?
You should start value yourself more and leave. Do you even trust her enough now? Do you believe that she won't do it again in the future? She only told you after you pushed her (multiple times, not just once). What if the next time she does it better in secret and you don't find out?
Just read those questions over and over again and hopefully you'll walk out.
She had a really bad day by the sounds of it and you said she had other stuff on her mind. Sounds more like it was just the straw that broke the camels back. You said this sort of behaviour was a one off. I'd suggest actually getting her some flowers, chocolate etc. Something to cheer her up after a stressful time. If the behaviour becomes more of a common occurrence then definitely speak to her about it, but for now, just accept that she had a really stressful day and everything got on top of her and this was how she let that stress out. For a one time occurance I don't think it's that big of a deal.
I cringed terribly