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I had a difficult time cumming from my exs blowjobs. My current girlfriend can do it in less than 5 minutes. It was definitely the exs fault.
I was with someone like this for almost 5 years. He was clumsy and rough and always horrified and jokey anytime he hurt me. Turns out it was a combo of autism and OCD. I wouldn’t give up on him just yet but it also seriously upset me too, and he wasn’t even that much bigger than me. I would escalate how seriously you talk to him about this issue because I know how upsetting it can be. He would even roughhouse my dog when he was staying with me beginning of COVID and totally freak my dog out (he’s a big German shepherd, so no harm done obviously). He was a bit ADHD too I think because he was also super sweet but would forget stuff and get totally distracted.
Anyway yeah, a really really serious sit down helps, and also repetitively reminding him to be gentle. A therapist told me once that boundaries, even for non-neurodivergent people, take multiple reminders before they stick. It’ll be a different matter if after multiples he keeps doing it. The same way I’m careful at night when my kitty sleeps with me, he can train himself to be careful with you.
It is slightly concerning that he isn’t bothered by spraining your ankle though. I have a little tiny flag flappin around in my head at that
I don't see how those lines will do it either. Tell you what, your next reply, why don't you shape it out so that you mention anything about the boyfriend / age the age discrepancy?
Like I'll start with “Why not actually talk with your sister? Why do you need to deliver the ick? Does that work with you? Is that how you want to be convinced?”
And then when she looks at me confused because we never brought up the bf or that he's clearly a pedo then I say to her: (you go here)
I think finding someone who loves you and who you love is a really rare and amazing thing that you should not let go of.
You sound pretty trashy too
She won’t like it but she’ll appreciate it down the line. He’s going to tell her that you’re a crazy stalker though so it’s best if you show her proof (pics, texts, call logs etc.).
Even if his responses are the way they are because he is autistic, you can still break up with him over it. You’re allowed to have expectations and right now they aren’t being met.
So are you implying that people can buy insurance on anyone they want to without the person knowing and take the cash?
Because I don't recall that being how it works.
I had to provide so much documentation signed by me to get my insurance.
Even though you love and care for him, you need to be truthful with yourself about his response to instantly block you right after an argument. This is a HUGE RED FLAG!! He's behaving like a child and has no interest in resolving this conflict. And his insult regarding your gifts being “crappy” – again, he's behaving like a spoiled, ungrateful child; this, showing that he is emotionally immature. Clearly, he is not mature enough to be in a relationship, much less the commitment and responsibility of purchasing and maintaining a house. So, in my opinion, if you stay blocked or even if he does unblock you, this should be the end. If you allow his disrespectful behavior early on in the relationship, then he'll think it's okay, and he'll just continue to be disrespectful.
Or there's too much stimulation. Much harder to last with her on top I feel. At least usually.
JFC. Going to someone’s room and wanting to be groped aren’t the same thing.
She’s probably had some issues with it in the past and just wanted to be sure you understood. Seems reasonable to me.
While she just may not like texting, it is also trouble she has dyslexia or vision problems or any number of things that make texting difficult that she’s not ready to tell you yet.
Sorry to hear this OP.
I fear the worst on your behalf – my guess is that this is (so far) probably a bit of an emotional affair rather than a physical one, but either way, your husband not talking to you is not ok.
Wishing you the best my friend.
Mom and congregation should butt out. Tell them all in one go, your wife included.
You needn't regain your wife's trust, because you never lost it.
MT sounds unusual, but your wife has no reason to part with him until he's done something wrong. And should have no problem to dump him in case he does. If she still decides to part immediately because the whole matter been blown out of proportion, that is non issue as well. I wouldn't, because that would be yielding to Mom's manipulation.
As SWGoodToes just said, no. However that being said, if you yourself don’t want to get a divorce or do want to fight for the marriage, couples therapy could be highly beneficial.
I personally get this way from time to time, but I never say it out loud, just because of some trauma that I grew up with/experience. Therapy has helped/been helping me more than I ever thought it would.
Hmmm no I understand that, but at the same time if you felt like you could never get a gift to compare you might just stop trying
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I've been trying to leave, what kind of a crock of SH&T IS THIS? BITTER OR NOT, SHE NEEDS TO PUT ON HER BIGGEST Girl BRITCHES AND GET OUT. Otherwise, ITS JUST PROLONGING HIS AGONY. HE WILL MOT GIVE YOU HIS BLESSING TO LEAVE HIM, GIRL. get a darn clue, don't you see? You are prolonging it, it's agony for him. Clean break. Big girl pants. Adult behavior. Come on now. Don't be dumb..
I had a burning feeling from penetration once because I was dry af. Despite trying to use some lube, it'd wear off fast because he couldn't turn me on. Rubbing against dry skin inside can also cause tears. Once it was so bad, I was bleeding a bit the next day, just from the dry friction the night before.
Emotional manipulation. Not even your boyfriend, why the fuck do you even bother?
I'd treat it like Neo when Smith told him he was free of The Matrix, where he's, like, “Congratulations,” but he's wary, and by his demeanor he indicates he probably doesn't want to continue the conversation. Like, it can be a nice thought, but it doesn't necessarily mean dick given your history. It's my understanding that the beginning of a marriage can be a confusing time, a, like, “liminal space” or whatever where you're trying to figure out what this new time in your life means and getting terribly involved with an ex wouldn't typically seem to help matters. I would say on the face of it, it's not a good look.
He is a trans man ?
The time spent wondering is awful – good point as well! Thank you for the input!
That's a good point – he doesn't have to respond if he doesn't want to/if he is already in a relationship. I'll keep you posted if he responds! Thank you for the advice!
Get yourself a lawyer and get a court ordered paternity test on the basics that, if you are the father, you don't want to miss the opportunity to support the mother of your child and your unborn baby through this crucial time in your child's development. But, given that she cheated on you, it's too traumatic to be involved without knowing for certain. They'll make sure you get your answer as quickly as possible.
Yea I can tell you with certainty this isn’t the last you heard from old Ben, personally I’m probably fighting him lol.
…… Genetics are fickle. They literally teacher lessons on this in high school biology and even then it left my head spinning.
I'm petty right now (6mo pregnant and have a 1yo – so I'm hormonal) so if he wants to be stupid, I apologize but that's what he's being, then tell him “that's fine, you want to send our child off cause of genetics, then it'll mean you are sending us both away. You'll be going to court for child support, divorce, custody battles”. Save EVERYTHING!!! Anything in writing that he says this over, if he starts in on a tangent verbally, record him. Get signed letters from anyone who's heard him.
This is very childish and immature and I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this but I'd rather see you prepared for the worst then go into this with rose colored glasses … Cause what happens if you child is born with blue eyes and they change to brown later down the road? Or vice versa?
…… Genetics are fickle. They literally teacher lessons on this in high school biology and even then it left my head spinning.
I'm petty right now (6mo pregnant and have a 1yo – so I'm hormonal) so if he wants to be stupid, I apologize but that's what he's being, then tell him “that's fine, you want to send our child off cause of genetics, then it'll mean you are sending us both away. You'll be going to court for child support, divorce, custody battles”. Save EVERYTHING!!! Anything in writing that he says this over, if he starts in on a tangent verbally, record him. Get signed letters from anyone who's heard him.
This is very childish and immature and I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this but I'd rather see you prepared for the worst then go into this with rose colored glasses … Cause what happens if you child is born with blue eyes and they change to brown later down the road? Or vice versa?
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You can't. When relationships reach a point this chronic, 99% of the time they doomed (and any efforts to salvage/save the relationship, just end up delaying the inevitable).
Your wife wants to sleep with other people. And she wants to continue keeping you around for the stability and support that you provide. This isn't a marriage any longer for her, it's a relationship of convinience.
If your wife still cared about your feelings, she wouldn't be trying to force you into this soul-crushing dynamic.
You are better off separating and finding a way to raise your children together that doesn't involve you having to be in a marriage that exists in name-only.
cold turkey could kill him, bad idea. that level of alcoholism is gonna require some rehab, or at the minimum professional treatment, for it to be successful. withdraw is a bitch.
do not date an addict-yes you want to help them, no they will not change for you. they must want to change themselves. until he starts treatment, wait for that. you’ve waited this long, it’s not gonna hurt you to make sure he’s following through with what he says he wants to do. trust me-it will save a lot of heart break.
If that’s the norm be abnormal.
Thanks man. Great points. I will still try to prove her that I can change, because I really love her and care about her. With my reaction to this thing last night I think I proved her wrong. She expected that I would start a fight, how could you etc. But I was calm, loving, supportive. Idk anymore. I have million scenarios in my head fighting eachother
“Wasted.” + “Helping you to your car.”
Fake story. He'd help you to an uber if this was true
Listen to your gut brother. If it seems shady then it is
I added them to the post. It's typically being tired or sick which I understand but the amount of times per month it happens is ridiculous
She showed you who she really is, why would you trust her?
Girls like her always start with tears because they know that's the easiest way to get away with anything. Up to you tho.
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You've both been out of work for a long time, but you have jobs now! Things are looking up. How much are you bringing in between the two of you?
He's not interested in you
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I’m sorry you’re going through this. To be honest, from everything you’ve said here, it would be a great idea to break up now and just be done with the situation. She is throwing up red flag after red flag and it’s only going to get worse. Also, it was a good move to tell her mom to check on her, that’s exactly what you should have done.
You need to tell your husband he has to end this incestuous relationship he has with his mother and if he refuse & get mad… end this marriage. Seriously. Gross.
Don't not marry this girl it will only get worse
verified account, voice messages, facetimed, not a catfish, that´s the only things I can say with absolute certainty about him and his intentions as of yet.
Sorry I should’ve gone into more details. 3 months after we broke up, he sent me a video saying how “he just made out with the hottest chick.” He came back to my country afterwards, which was when I let him know what he did is toxic and I just want to stay as friends now. He left my country after the winter break, and I still got texts from him like “I miss you ngl,” and just stuff like that that I’ve been getting up until now.
Him saying he wanted to “watch a movie” above didn’t mean going to the cinema, when we were together we would do that before we get intimate. He meant to watch a movie at one of our houses but “didn’t know how it would logistically even go down.” At least that’s the impression I got.
From the title alone break up
Of course you couldn't argue with reason so you choose to attack the choice of words. Nice job potato tittz. /s
Don't just ask. Sit down and talk properly. Ask him whether he has an issue with the way you are. Sounds like he has the propensity to be supportive, but something is getting to him.
He's not talking about it because he knows he's doing something wrong, but he can't express his emotions. He sounds conflicted. You sit him down and say,' You can't avoid this converation'.
I bet if you said that it hurts that he's doing this and it feels like a rejection, he will come around. He loves you, but he's struggling with the need for his family to conform. You gotta give him the 'this is me' speech.
I think what I'm reading from the context here is that you're either still living at home or your parents are covering your living expenses while you're at uni. Is that correct? If so, I honestly wouldn't tell her anything. I'd keep making excuses and let her think you're doing as she said. When you're fully independent and she can't interfere with your life, you could come clean if the lying bothers you.
Personally I don't think it's a problem to hide your private adult life from your parents, and you wouldn't have to lie about it if she would respect you as an adult and keep her nose out of your business. I don't tell my parents who I'm sleeping with, and they don't ask. It's none of their business.
Yeah, Dr. House would be great (though I wouldn't mind it if a doctor is a bit nicer than Dr. House, hah).
Hm, I dunno if my mother had any trauma. I know she inherited her OCD from my grandmother. Honestly, my mother should have never had children – I had an older sister who died when I was a teenager because she turned to drugs and alcohol when she couldn't handle her mental illness anymore. I never heard about transgenerational trauma, I will bring it up to my therapist.
I don't feel super-comfortable writing openly here about my meds so I will keep it vague, but basically, all SSRI have a specific and very likely side effect that makes one of my absolute main compulsions impossible to do. And since side effects always seem to kick in after 2-3 days and any sort of positive effect needs weeks or months to happen, they just all… failed because I said “Nope, doesn't work” after 2-3 days. But yeah, when it comes to mood changes… I had my current medication in a much higher dose in hospital and it made me just so apathetic. I didn't care about any of my hobbies anymore, it was all just “meh”. Super-unpleasant experience and I'm glad that lowering the dose changed that. It's crazy and a bit scary how pills can change us and how we feel so much…
Honestly, I am waiting on that brain surgery progress. So far, I have declined, but that's because it still has so many side effects, success is not guaranteed and, quite frankly, the whole apparatus is super-scary (they put the electrodes on your brain, but the control panel gets put under your collarbone, so then they need to connect all that by wires that run down your neck. And that's where I said “Noooope”). There has been progress during the last few years there – like, ten years ago, they still needed to cut you open every two years to recharge the whole thing and now they can do that without cutting you open. If it gets to a point where there will be no more wires in the neck, I might consider it, who knows. But yeah, would be much nicer to find something which doesn't require my skull to be opened up. I do talk with my psychiatrist every three months, though (he needs me to come in to be allowed to prescribe me my meds) and while we did try some stuff, it was definitely not OCD-related. More like “Johanneskraut” after my mother's death to stop me from spiralling into depression and things like that.
Just leave something in between the doors when you go out so that they can close while you're out
says it's bait but deleted the post, don't trust it
Or if more people were just decent people they wouldn't cheat in the first place, it's not about it being easy, it's about character.
There are salons that will do a more intensive treatment. That might be worth looking into. Second, she needs to keep her hair in a French braid or similar until this has cleared out of the daycare. The head lice won’t stay at the daycare forever unless your gf keeps bringing them back.
Thirdly, get a tea tree conditioner. Keep her using that until she knows there are no more headline at the daycare. It will (along with the braided hair) reduce the risk of her ending up with the lice again.
Then to be blunt, you’re trying to support someone who won’t do the absolute basics of looking after themselves, and it’s doomed to fail. You can’t do enough or be good enough for someone who’s suffering from a mental illness that they’re not even interested in treating.
You need to give him an ultimatum: get treatment, or the relationship is over. You’re 25, you should be enjoying life, not being subjected to rules and being cursed at or yelled at (both of which are abuse btw) because you can’t on-line up to a mentally ill person’s impossible standards.
Obviously given your living situation, breaking up would be tricky. You need to start making a plan to leave if he won’t get therapy and medication.
Your other friends are idiots.
First off I don’t believe in having male friends that you go out with like that when you’re in a committed relationship. It is a form of emotional cheating. The intimacy that would be in the relationship is taken out of it. Sing people, socially, or in groups is one thing having lunch every once in a while is OK but when you’re going out at night like that, there’s there’s a problem you need to address it with her. Even if she’s not having sex with the person and believing it dangerous when you’re doing that you have a few drinks with somebody really care about it’s late at night talk to her. And I wouldn’t believe it necessarily but I also wouldn’t automatically assume she had sex.
It's not controlling to put up a boundary over something that could be perceived as flirting with an ex
Make sure you are with a partner that feels the same way about things as you do
I watch basketball then act out playing because I like basketball. Am I a basketball addict?
No. You’ve lost all sense of reality. Dude has kinks and he watches those kinks because his wife doesn’t want to participate.
Give her a break and don’t let her return
OP, were you 17 years old when this 33 year old man started trying to seduce you? He groomed you and has been abusing and manipulating you for 13 heads now; you have every right to divorce him and be done with it. He took advantage of you. He also sounds like he’s deflecting, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s been cheating on you the whole relationship. Please look into the cycle of abuse and find yourself both a lawyer and a therapist; you’re going to need them.
Trust your gut, it’s hot to work on something if you are going your own ways
But why accept it Just to give it away. That is very rude and inconsiderate why not just return the exchange it?
Take responsibility for your actions you may not of bought them but no one force you to drink or shove your tongue into your friends mouth. Women today don't take responsibility for there own actions
That would actually be the best thing to do because abusers tend to react violently when you leave a relationship. You can't just announce that you're leaving. To do so could get you killed. They view their victims as property. People mistakenly think that they're safe once they leave a relationship. However, the most dangerous time for a victim is right after they end the relationship. The abuser feels like they have nothing to lose.
Thank you, I think you're definitely right in that we need to talk about it some more, and maybe creating a mental list of his efforts and qualities that I appreciate will help… I'm housesitting alone with my dog next week, and hope the time alone might help me gain some space and clarity in what to say I actually want out of the relationship – and hope that we end up wanting the same
Thank you, I think you're definitely right in that we need to talk about it some more, and maybe creating a mental list of his efforts and qualities that I appreciate will help… I'm housesitting alone with my dog next week, and hope the time alone might help me gain some space and clarity in what to say I actually want out of the relationship – and hope that we end up wanting the same
A real mother would stay and handle it for the sake of their children. Your wife is a soul less person. Go ahead and stay with her. She'll cheat on you again.
He wants to fuck you until his wife comes over. That’s all. Continue ignoring ??
Ya, I'd be out.
Not because of her previous relationship, but because she's bringing her ex into your relationship.
I'll never get people that stalk their ex's on social media. Checking in every once in a while, sure… but stalking is just plain being hung up on them.
Well, first of all, stop making passive aggressive jokes about his proposal if you don’t want him to feel inadequate about it.
Second, you still have no idea if he bought you this ring, maybe he was sending it to someone else for feedback, so take some deep breaths and IF he gives you this ring, find a polite way to tell him it’s not your taste.
No, you need to move on.
And you need to protect that child.
TBH, I’m reluctant to get a lawyer involved until I absolutely have to because I don’t want to escalate things needlessly, but I take your point.
See that right there. I wish he reach the Aha moment and not have a fit.
yea I just want to help her or give the help she needs. She hurts herself if its bad like hitting herself in the head, banging on things, being verbally violent not at me but just venting to whatever is going wrong, cutting with little things like scissors etc.
I’m posting this somewhere else bc mods have only let me see one comment of 10
I'll Google that for sure thank you. And just verbally being violent ig that's how you would say it. Screaming with no filter towards me. Whatever comes to her mind she says and will bring up anything “your not helping me just stop” ” one time last week she said something along the lines of “, your lucky I love you so much or I'd punch the shit out of you”. For that, I told her she will not treat me that way even if your upset. She's never been physically violent towards me but if she's cleaning or something and something happens she will just start being really sloppy like throwing things, and setting things down with force. Tossing, punch the walls.
Don't do that!!! The person that knows is going to find a way to tell your soon to be ex husband. That you are so easy tongo with the wrong way means that you have not learnt your lessons.
Is the 13 in your username your age, because that's how you sound lecturing everyone
I'm proud of you. I hope the rest of your pregnancy is a s stress free as possible, considering, and that you can get this idiot as far away from you as possible when you feel ready xxx
Why would I lie about this? What would be the point of coming to this thread to lie if the medicine didn’t work lmfao
Yeah, but your wife didn't ask you to turn those opportunities down because she wanted time to travel. She wants you home as much as possible because you have two! premature infants and she needs your help.
You got a new job offer in less than two weeks, you could have gotten another one easily later. Instead, you left her stuck at home with PPD (which fucking sucks & medication will only do so much) and two infants. It's nice that your mothers are there, but she didn't make those babies with them, she made them with you. A lot of people don't have other options, but you did. You could have stayed in your old job until the situation was more stable.
You prioritised you career and your happiness over your family. That's your choice to make, but you'll also have to on-line with the consequences of it.
Um… OP is a woman. For sure she is not the biological parent.
Pee on him to assert your dominance, then laugh your ass off and tell him to lighten up, it was just a prank.
Take your dogs and move out bro. The bluff has been called and she sounds like a nightmare. Get out while you can and still keep them. They will show you more love, acceptance and loyalty then any women will.
My opinion is you stop dating your wife. A lot of husbands do it, we get caught up with work and real life, and we forget that special attention we gave our wives when we were dating. Yes, she is a wife and a mother but after all she is still a woman too. Plan some romantic alone time or setup a nice spa day for her without the kids.
Management generally doesn't allow tenants to look at cameras unless there are things like robberies going on. But it can't hurt to ask.
Just under a year and it’s a blissful relationship eh. Crazy, you said it. I’ve been alive for decades and I still don’t know myself properly, you’ve been with him less than a year.
I don’t buy into these posts, especially when people say things like “but I’m crazy, no red flags, blah blah”, but if he’s homophobic and you can’t wrap your head around it then why are you here on Reddit posting about it with you know everyone here is going to tell you to leave now and be thankful you only invested a year?
He has already checked out the relationship but wants you to be the one to break up, so he's not the bad guy to his friends.
The lies. Starting out as a liar is the biggest red flag regardless of anything in your past / experiences. It’s just not normal human behavior to lie as a front when you’re trying to find someone. He should’ve told you how old he was with one or two messages, “hey btw I’m actually this age I just put that in there blah blah..” Instead, he baited you then came out with the truth. He seems like the “I do what I want then ask for forgiveness later” types.
She cheated, you found out and you gave her zero consequences. So she knew you’re a doormat with no self respect, she’s comfortable cheating again with someone else and lying to you. It’s premeditated. She’s not going to stop. You either get used to your wife sleeping with other men or you take action.
Glad someone said it ????
Honestly forget trying to make it happen, he’s trash.
That’s very informative! Thank you for your support.
I’m not going to pile on you about what you said. I’m sure you feel bad enough already. I have an issue with people who pull do the type of thing your fiancé did. It’s ALWAYS after some type of major commitment. She’s allowed to change her mind but why now? Ring bought. Venue booked. Invitations sent out and vendor’s locked in. And now she drops this bomb on you that changes the course of your life. It is manipulative. You’re locked in, emotionally and financially, and she changes the dynamics in such a huge way. If she had told you within the first 6 months you may not have stayed. She knew that.
Invite them to meet one another, you can be in the middle’
He can find other things to rhyme about that don’t disrespect you or make you uncomfortable. For fuck’s sake, Macklemore rapped about thrift store clothes and won awards for it.
If he won’t listen, then maybe it’s time to let him be gangsta somewhere else.
I hate that all these comments are telling OP what to do about the harassment… she clearly came here to figure out how to navigate this with her BF.
Two weeks is absolutely a short trip, what world are we living in where it’s not? Sure it’s a huge ask if are the only caregiver but in this situation there is a support network. If my partner couldn’t stand my being gone for two weeks I would find someone less codependent.
Well so if you are almost 20 and did just became 26 and have a relationship together, you are from a different planet nowadays you are saying?
Do you think he will be more open in a few years when they are older?
Not as runny as his diarrhea
I think a break might be good for both of you. Your mental health is very important and many times it's hot to learn to manage it and navigate the intricacies of a relationship.
I won't lie, it does seem that a permanent break is coming, but it might be easier it you take some time from each other and see how that goes first.
Student loans can be refinanced. Not sure about that amount though. That would take some serious research.
It may be easier to find a woman who’s more interested in your GF than you and who’s ok with activities where you and GF are having penetrative sex but doesn’t want anything from you herself.
I’m starting to think we are getting trolled. Her account says she’s married
You have no family? Or just no family that lives near you?
Maybe she can do some guardian ad litem work or work with young kids in mentorship roles. There’s ways to be a positive role and be very involved in children’s lives without being their parent. Big sister catholic programs or other things like that. You don’t need to be catholic it’s just a mentor shop program.
On the other hand you could try to adopt, 40 is pretty late to have kids and may not happen even with medical intervention but at the same time It could be easy. Never know until you try. Some people have no problem.
This is tough and you will really just need to talk with her what she wants and if she’ll regret it. Maybe a mentorship role could help.
The family, yes. His business clients, no.
OP, your wedding is exactly what she says – a show event intended more as a networking opportunity than a family celebration. And you know, that's fine, maybe that's needed in your line of work, but you should level fully with her about what it is, and ask for her help in this. Because that wedding isn't for you and her, it isn't even for your family.
Instant breakup for me
He was wrong for not telling you. Very wrong. I wound t want to date someone who kept such important info from me. You are straight. That’s it. Time to end it.
I'm not, its over. I'm here asking if I should tell his wife
Dude. I mean really? My partner hates my ex (for good reason) but he doesn’t interfere in our coparenting AT all. Your gf has issues. Major major issues. And those are on her to sort out. If she won’t then she’s not worth it. And your son is a teenager, not a moron, he can see your gfs behaviours and attitudes. That is NOT showing him what healthy loving relationships are like. That’s setting him up to be abused.
By your answers to other comments, I would say you should just marry her on paper and focus on school. She will be your roommate. Shitty situation for everyone involved, but at least you can a physician.
If you don't want to do it, forget about your dream of being a physician. Sometimes we don't have many choices.
Honestly all you can do is move slow, be consistent, bear the weight.
Because unlike you and your ex her mother doesn't have love or intimacy convincing her it is a great idea to get back together. All she has is the stark reality of your past behaviour, the reality it isn't the first time, and the fact she likely had to be there and watch her daughter suffer in the past. It speaks to her being a good mother that she would be hesitant to endorse taking that sort of risk again.
Because honestly, right now I don't find your argument that compelling. You've taken some great steps, no doubt, but I think you should have spent longer alone and away from your ex to allow some of that change to consolidate and so you could approach any new dynamic from a better healthier place. You are now going to juggle therapy and reconciliation and I think that just makes it more likely one or both processes will be compromised.
Yes exactly!
Any friend I’ve made who said they don’t have any friends or that “everyone leaves”, always ended up showing me why everyone left, and I just became their next victim
That glosses over so much so thanks for the non-advice
So this is about the dishes and standard daily chores and not the things that need fixing in this new house? I am confused because the context of your post suggests it's not about the dishes.
In all honesty, and without exaggeration. You dodged a cannon ball.
I mean, look, it's one thing for him to flip on you out of nowhere like that.. it's another to scream at you, threaten to call the cops, steal your money and attempt to steal your belongings.
Maybe for a second we can make a pseudo excuse and say that someone told him a lie about you that he believed and so he broke up with you. But would hat warrant that abominable treatment he showed you??
Hell no. He showed his true colors, more than anything. And one day, for one reason or another.. you were going to see this dark side of him. And in the worst scenario.. you'd be married with children to this horrible horrible man.
You seem like a very kind, and well adjusted person. So I doubt very much if you'll struggle to find a decent partner. My only advice is to contemplate the man that was, and try to see what was missed, so you don't “repeat him” so to speak.
In any case. You will need time to grieve this relationship, whatever your ex became. Don't begrudge yourself that time. And don't feel guilty over having dated him. The best we can do is look for a partner who lives up to our standards and try to build a life with them. You've done all you can. So there is no room for regret here.
You've got this OP! Stay strong.
Yes , however why is nobody here suggesting to at least have a conversation with her about this. Take what she says and how she says it into account before making a decision.
This is a pretty serious mismatch in values, not really just a difference of opinions on a political topic. “Agree to disagree” only works on small stuff like whether or not you like the same breakfast foods or whether you think Aunt Sally’s stories are funny or boring. Your boyfriend believes that a whole category of people don’t deserve respect or compassion just because of who they are. A difference in basic values is a very good reason to break up.
I wouldn’t be with someone who’s interested in opening up our relationship. If you’re asking about it, it’s because you have an interest in it. That’s a deal-breaker.
This is the same as you saying you want mono relationship after being in an open relationship ?
Could there have been red flags that I have missed?
Well the fact you're 18 and he's over 30 actively trying to get with teenagers is a pretty giant flag .
You broken up a few times in 6 months, from what she said you seem to be broken up again. Take the hint and stay broken up, it will be better for you, you'll eventually see that you dodged that bullet.
WHY would you go back she DOES NOT love you or respect you. Or she would have acted the same way you did.
You I have a contract and you need to fulfill it, she is not woth it dump her, don't go back to her.
If she moves in all 3 of your lives will be NOTHING but drama. Addicts active in their addiction not getting treatment for their mental illnesses bring chaos with them wherever they go. Just a fact, used to be one myself so don’t @me over that statement lol
Your daughter is an adult living in your house, so I guess you have final say. I just don't understand why you couldn't get her on board before throwing her into this?
Nothing wrong with prioritising your sister, but surely you'd want to have you daughter on board before just saying hey I'm upending your home life, it's final.
She's petty and juvenile, but you havent played your cards well with her either. General advice, you need to get her back on side and get some empathy.
You and your sister may need to sit down with her and explain the difficulty of the current situation and recognise how much it sucks for her, how much youve upset her life. But also that your sister needs your daughters love and support during this time. You need to do this as a family, with everyone on the same boat.
It honestly could be a good teaching moment for your daughter about sacrifice for loved one's. I think it's recoverable, but yeah you could have played this one so much better if you treated your daughter like an adult and discussed earlier. Best of luck!
Yes. Someone who takes marriage seriously. Unfortunately, women today don't which is why marriage is off the table for me. I'm happy just having a girlfriend.
I’m so sorry, bro.
Absolutely unforgivable.
Keep it civil. Make plans. Get to the gym and spend time with friends to keep your mood up.
No matter what you decide to do, your kids will be fine. You don’t have suffer the insult of your wife’s infidelity just to save face.
How long ago did it change? You’ve only been together 9 months. It’s possible he didn’t have issues when you were still new, but now that you’re no longer new he’s going to porn more and more.
Dunno, seems to me he ought to be more concerned whether you are okay than worried about his “image” and whether he was embarrassed. You tried a street drug, got very sick … and he's “frustrated” because he thinks you made him look bad?
Jesus, guy needs to get over himself.
Yes indeed. And to keep looking at it so I don’t let him twist my mind again to think I’m wrong, overreacting and that it’s actually my fault he had to lie to me because… so thank you ?
“why do women enjoy dating/marrying men who do not make them as happy as they wanna be?”
What I learned is that you can apply survivorship bias also to relationships. What OP is complaining about is not as important as what she is not complaining about and keeps her beeing with him. I bet it is finance.
Counciling is the obvious answer, but in the end, is it really all that important to you?
Just tell them. Then ignore any negativity. You don’t have to buy into any of that, and you don’t have to defend your life choices.
Why are you trying to get back with her while you are trying to move on?
Just don't tell them. Not really any need or reason to go out of your way to inform them.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
As the title says, my boyfriend wants to be committed with me but doesn't want to be legally married.
For some background, we have been together for five years, and his parents are divorced and he claims that if something were to ever happen with us, the court would be unfair in what each of us recieve. He also claims that not being legally married doesn't change the relationship, that we can still be “husband and wife” just without the papers. He has also said that he just doesn't want the government to be involved with his personal relationships.
I, however, have two parents who are both still married, so I am having trouble seeing it this way. I would be okay to not sign the papers and still have a ceremony, but I am a bit worried without that legal fallback.
Basically, I was wondering if anyone is or knows someone who is not legally married, and I would like to get some other opinions on this thought.
Hi! There's no issue regarding his size. For porn, yes occasionally. He frequently reads really sexual manhwa / manga (I do too, I don't see this as a problem) but now that I think about it, could it be he's overstimulating himself?
What part in that comment reflects badly on him?
He did but it sounds like OP is waiting for more
The pizza came with sausage. The sausage also came that evening.
I hate to tell you this, but it’s obvious to me she doesn’t love you nor your children the way you believed she does. This isn’t love. At All. She would have beat the brakes off anyone who had some shit to say about you or your child if she loved you. This was the opposite. She made sure you felt judged and revoked your invitation before anything even happened. It wasn’t out of kindness. It was coming from a place of judgement from her and wanting to preserve some bizarre reputation she thinks she has. You are better off without her, I assure you.
Growing up with a narcissistic parent: I’m glad you’re doing everything for your child. It’s not pleasant in the slightest. I had several issues growing up, still struggle today. Beware, she will fabricate evidence that you were the unhinged one to try and keep her son and her dignity.
You screenshot the evidence including the current conversation. Then you sit her down and ask her if they are in an open marriage and if they aren’t you hand her all the evidence and information you know. Let her know you support her and then let her do what she wants with that information. If they are in an open marriage then there is nothing to tell.
^ This is exactly how the abuse started in my last relationship
Straight up horrible advice.
Sorry to disappoint it's better to use biological terms as one needs to point to specific gender.. of not done properly the idoitc thinking that men are women, women are men will confuse everyone So i tend to use mae and female
Everyone on this thread is sharing their personal stories and opinions. It’s more than obvious and I stated it.
My man please enhance ur life by dumping her, she’s a deadbeat living off of u, your finances and mental health will flourish by getting rid of her
The hate that we have hobbies but expect us to enjoy thier hobbies. That relationship is over she doesn't appreciate you or the things that bring you enjoyment if you stay it will get worse
He pseudo cheated on you in my opinion. If he can't be mature around other attractive women…as in minding his own business and putting you first and always…..he isn't boyfriend material. Period. My boyfriend pretty much ignores women when he's around me. It's the right thing to do. When he is away and traveling he will tell me he seldom talks to his friends girlfriends. And I'm OK with that. But meeting new women and being interested in other women and what they are doing is a hot no for me.
If she’s giving ultimatums over texts with someone you barely have anything to do with anymore then it’s time you guys have a serious conversation about what you both need from the relationship then you can decide how you go about it from there
You are living in cuckoo crazy land
Am praying for you to get a partner that needed to be ask where were you,if you have problems he must say here i am let sit down and solves our problems ,if he wrong he have to say sorry forgive me and the one who respect you too
Your little girl needs you, and i know that your hurt by this but please find a way to make this work.
Your little girl needs you, and i know that your hurt by this but please find a way to make this work.
I’m not sure I understand your question, but no I don’t like inconsistent beliefs. However I don’t think this is necessarily the case here
Agreed.