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Sorry what is NC?
He wasn't driving when I threw the bottle. He started driving after I threw and started swerving in anger. So to stop him because it was unsafe, I hit his arm
Since you want a break-up I would:
Contact your apartment administration and ask if they have another unit ready for lease. If you like it ask if you can get a week of overlap to move. Don't tell him anything until it's all lined up.
The week you have two apartments you move ASAP. Try to do it in one day, without his knowledge. Don't tell him where you are going. Just say your current apartment needs to be emptied by Sunday and make him sign a notice, as advised by others.
This way you don't need to deal with him during this time when the apartment needs to be vacated. Both of you leave this apartment at the same time with the least amount of friction.
Personally I would pay extra for this solution. Best of luck!
More went on during and after my daughter was born and still going on. I want it all to end. It’s exhausting.
This is what journaling is for. Conversations are two way, monologs are for the shower or the diary or a walk around the block on your own.
I would try to find the way to truly get him to understand how rude a lecture is. You could be anyone. You could be a dog. It's belittling and hurtful to be used as an audience. You are his equal, not his tutee… and even tutors care if the student learns and the student has agreed they want to learn, this is not that. It's so disrespectful. It's dehumanizing. And it will hurt him to hear that but he needs to really hear it. You should source others and workshop how to get this information to him. I suggest starting with “hey we need to have an awkward conversation” so he is fully ready and a bit scared. He needs to be scared for this. But then be reassuring too. “I love you and I love your enthusiasm, and I don't want you to change anything about yourself. Just change where you point certain activities.” They need to be directed to a journal, to peers who want to hear it, or himself. Tell him you've asked yourself “do I need to be here for this?” “If I left would he notice?” “Why am I here for this?” Anticipate some of his responses. Will he claim he wants your feedback? But you don't want to give it. Well he claim he wants to connect with you? Point out exactly that it's the YOU missing from this. He wants to connect with anyone and your ears are here, that doesn't make you feel connected. It's not reciprocal, either. Do you treat him that way? If he says he wouldn't mind, pull up a topic you know for 100% sure he could not stand 6 minutes of conversation about: crochet, Real Housewives, art history. And then ask him why he would want you to torture him with 90 minutes diatribes about how Andy Cohen talked down to that one Real Housewife in 2008 and how wrong it was. You love him and you wouldn't do that to him so why is he doing that to you and acting like he's the victim here?
My child wasn't really involved in any way other than they went on a fun trip. We do this a lot with friends and family so it didn't look like anything to the kids. I know that I didn't really know him, I thought that the trip would be a good place to get to know him and it was.
Yes my siblings feel the same way. He is an abuser. He has zero respect for anyone or any morals. He scream at everyone he beat my brothers and has fought my sister and he has pin drop anger. He also beats, chokes and hangs my dog bc he knows how much I love her. He is terrible
You didn’t even get to check.
Also, her story is logical but you’ve got a bad gut feeling. That gut feeling will not go away, considering it has now dragged on this king with no answer.
No one will be able to confirm your suspicions but personally, I think this situation is sketchy enough I’d end it. Probably would end it if I saw my girl getting spit-roasted too but that’s just me.
Honestly, she could just not be interested in you sexually and turned to fantasy erotica. I would seek couples therapy and perhaps, amp up the romantic stuff on your end.
Or just 50 shades her and tie her to the bed. Jk don't do that.
Sounds like you have a high dependency on drugs and alcohol. If you're lying about it and can't stop for a couple of weeks then you may need to sort out an addiction. For your partner, this is really important because there's only going to be one priority in your relationship and that'll be feeding your addiction. You've admitted as much in your post which seems to summarise as “I lied about the amount of drugs and alcohol I have been consuming, and she wasn't interested in dating an addict but I think I can carry on as this isn't a real reason rto break up, so how can I lie to her again but in a more convincing way.” I think you should let her know you are going to sort yourself out and you'll be in touch when you have. This is going to be a slog. Good luck.
I have a friend who's notorious for this. We call it “multiple levels of cascading context”:
He”ll start off telling an anecdote that is related to our topic, but in the process fork off into multiple layers of sidebars about different aspects of the story.
I have finally gotten to the point, after 25 years of friendship where I can say “Dude, I love you, but go faster”, and he doesn't even flinch
Yeah, so that's why I consider asking him out on the last day of my treatment. I will tell him that it is my last day and I don't know when I will come back so I just want to meet up with him out there as a friend. I think it would be more appropriate.
This isn’t real lol, why do people write this shit
It sounds like he might need help…
I did this until therapy.
Now I try to notice, step and redirect the conversation back to others.
I would suggest that you suggest he start a vlog or tiktok about his lifestyle choices. He'll learn by trying to talk to an audience to condense what he says, keep it active and interesting and to edit. He may find an audience.
Put on your robe and wizard hat.
Seriously though, I’m a wife of 11 years. I’ve read disGUSTANG smut for the majority of it. Sometimes your body is tired but you still want the release, and the quickest, most low effort way to do it is by yourself. There is nothing inherently wrong with reading smut, the problem is the lack of sexual interest on her part. I wouldn’t jump to conclusions yet, she may be going through something and in a rut, but the only way you’ll ever find out is to ask her yourself. Good luck OP!
Agreed. Chrater cheat… because they can. The end.
But you can see that physical affection has a more profound impact. You don’t want just verbal affection.
I make sure to let my partner catch me staring at her when she gets out of the shower. Or little “Oh! Treat for me” If she takes her clothes off around me.
Huh? I’m not saying she should lie about it.
I understand but she didn’t leave him. They are together and miserable and since she isn’t in this thread to advise the best thing we can hope for is that OP is able to change his ways for the better and try to bring some happiness to her life.
If she were here instead of him I would be advising her to leave the relationship. She deserves to feel desired, safe, and comfortable in her relationships.
So its normal and i am just overthinking this?
I get the latest jealousy, because it can be frustrating to watch an ex partner immediately do the thing they wouldn't do with you, or have a new partner who is the exact opposite of you.
I agree with the other commenters – you need to cut contact. You're not giving yourself the space to grieve or move on. I also agree that she told you to make you jealous/rile you up. There's no way she thought you'd have no emotional reaction to her sexcapades.
To help you feel better, here are some of the many reasons she may have slept with him that have nothing to do with you:
she was drunk and horny, he was available she wanted to feel young and desirable, as she's approaching 40 he had a feature she always found attractive (dark skin, red hair, amputated limb etc) she had been rejected by another guy that night and he made her feel nice she wanted a notch in her belt she wanted to brag about it to her friends she caught an outline of his pants and thought it looked great he bought her a drink and she felt obligated he was charming and sweet and she thought “why not?” she was drunk and horny, he was available
you need to confirm if they hooked-up before / were a couple as its sound strange & I am suspicious on why / maybe she likes & wants him too.
She’s sleeping and none of this bullshit matters. Jesus Christ she endangered herself and others. Who cares about anything else?
I think it’s very reasonable to move out with friends before cohabitation with a partner.
I’d just tell her that you want to practice a bit before living together.
Do you really think women can just “waves hand” forego unwanted harrasment? You are living in a bubble! Your fiancée is afraid to be more vocal about her boundaries because she KNOWS the situation will escalate and it can become very dangerous for her. You need to support her and be more understanding, not paint her as some flirtatious easy woman. Jesus I'm mad on her behalf at how you're treating her. YOU need to do better, not her.
Northern Ohio is the outer ring of hell. She won’t leave, so you need to decide whether or not you want to live! in hell.
Exactly, even in the days of proper buttons on phones, I don't think I ever received more than one accidental text or phone call in a row. Touch screens aren't as vulnerable to this, at least the ones I've had aren't. Usually needs to be actual skin touching the screen to do anything.
Ask yourself what “more information” could possibly make you feel any better. When someone severs a relationship it means they no longer want you in their life. Their reasons for feeling this way don't really matter at that point.
You know, most people look at a history of drug/alcohol abuse with a matching criminal record as major red flags, not little mistakes from their past. You're discovering the reason why.
But since you're here now, the only advice I have is to start thinking of your children and yourself. Do whatever you need to in order to move forward with your life and become independent. Don't wait for him or try to change him. He is a lost cause – always has been.
To be fair, everyone told him this (the grooming thing) the first time he posted and he didn’t listen then. Maybe they’re just trying not to repeat themselves.
Exactly I just don’t want it to look like that like I said stupid guy fantasy
You're not exclusive and you've only been dating a few months. She's out for drinks with a mate so just leave her be until she's back home or the next day. Making plans etc requires thought, she'll probably need to check her diary etc and to reply properly. She doesn't want to do that when she's out. You're massively overthinking it and being a little needy. Just chill and speak to her the following day.
She’s not even on BC? This is a baby trap waiting to happen.
This sounds a lot like depression. It can warp your mind and you hear things from people that they've never actually said. A lot of the behavior is similar to what you're describing, at least in my own case. He needs to be honest with his therapist and try medication. It helped me a lot. Either way you need to sit him down, tell him he can't speak until you're done, and lay it all out for him. This needs to change, you can't live! like this, you're worried for him etc. Make it clear he needs to get serious about getting help. If he refuses, there's not much else you can do. Cross that bridge when you get to it. I hope he wakes up and gets himself some help. Good luck to you both.
He should have that in savings. Trust me when I say that it’s a red flag alone that he doesn’t. If you give him a dime you’ll never see him or it again.
You mentioned she doesn't want to have her hormones messed with.
Maybe she can look into a copper IUD, it isn't hormonal and I think they have those that last 5-10 years.
What? Lol no. That’s not a thing.
I had a good friend years ago, former Navy Seal sniper. But the pain in his eyes when I learned of his 3-year-old daughter that was taken from him by a drunk driver…I can't even imagine. You're absolutely right to stand up for your convictions. I'm sorry for your pain and loss, but you are definitely justified in your decision.
Nope. They've discussed it, he's gotten a vasectomy, they've tried therapy, and she's still neurotic over it.
I’m sorry but this relationship should have an expiration date. He’s clearly cheating again and will continue to do so. You deserve better
As long as you’re prepared to face yourself and change for the better, you won’t. This is 100% within your control.
I understand. And I am sorry you have to deal with such blatant sexism.
But knowing how your police operate there, why not a) file a formal police report accusing him of theft (they can't NOT let you file it). Because even if they don't act on it, having this legal action taken makes a huge difference if he escalates later or lies about you to the police.
And b) since, it's your car, legally, and you have papers to prove it, contact a lawyer, and ask them to act on your behalf. They can have a locksmith change the locks, or speak to the dealership or any number of other workarounds. Sure, this will cost you, but if you're able to do it, it would be the best way that avoids direct physical confrontation with your current partner.
What do you think?
Thank you alot for actually staying and responding to this thread still It makes me feel a lot better man. Ive been playing the new resident evil non stop, she broke up with me on release day of the game……
Sounds like he is having trouble accepting your 12yo's gender identity. That's my guess. His family didn't turn out like the advert so he emotionally bailed on it.
Well he's the one that changed.
So you deserve to know why.
Feelings are circumstances preventing you from communicating directly when this is clearly more important to you.
Get you and your babies out of that relationship!
Looks like you found out why he didn’t want to know. When a partner gives you a boundary, it’s best to assume they know what they’re talking about. Not sure what else to tell you, unfortunately. Best you can do is probably tell him that if the relationship is going to end over this, it’s better to end it sooner
Tell her you want to play too.
What is the cost of living where you're originally from? If you both moved home, would a cut in his pay lower the standard of living?
Please explain to me how that joke is funny.
Then go watch Jigsaw by Daniel Sloss on Netflix. He tells actually funny jokes about relationships.
Not when both parents hate each other. And OP clearly doesn't plan on staying married or on good terms with the mother.
Having two parents doesn't make them better off if they aren't on the same page about raising the child or even like each other. You're just setting that child up for a shitty home life and a bad example of what partnership is.
Leave him. He’s gaslighting you.
Right reddit I forgot.
Because it isn't a viable solution in the long term. Her leaving would be assuming they would still be together which means it's only a bandaid solution to the real problem. As is explained after: “Someone mentioned moving back yourself and that certainly could work, but feels more like a bandaid solution as I can't see what's gonna change in that time. One of you might miss the other so much that you decide you would rather live! where the other lives.”
Christ.
OP, you have a problem
If you telling us the complete truth then you need to tell your BF about what happened immediately. You also need to do something about this guy. Short answer is to kick him out. He crossed a boundary knowing your in a relationship. There is no coming back from that. If you don't tell your BF and he finds out another way then your relationship is done. If you allow this person to stay over, no matter how you tell him that he cross the line, to him it would be like your just saying that for your BF's sake. He will do it again.
I just want to point out that your bf is totally okay with you making the enormous commitment of BUYING A HOUSE IN A COUNTRY WHERE YOU DO NOT HAVE RESIDENCY, but can’t give you a timeline for marriage/children, nor will he even help you obtain residency??
I don’t know the laws in his country, but in many countries you can’t own property unless you have residency/citizenship, so…. It sounds like he’s trying to get a house of this relationship.
This is it. OP, you can’t even admit what you did was wrong. “Mad at me for caring about his health.” REALLY, GIRL.
sounds like she needs to grow up and go into the real world. you said shes a teacher so yeah..high school to college back to school. she never grew up.
Can you get a nurse part time or someone to help with the cleaning ? It all shouldn’t be on you that’s a lot
I forgot to mention that we're in a LDR
This sounds like a basic compatibility issue that he's not being honest about. To me, it sounds like he wants you to stop doing this, or at least that he's resentful that you want an entire weekend away from him every month. Tbh, I wouldn't be able to date someone with this habit either. That doesn't mean you should stop! It does mean that you and this guy are probably not going to work out. Either he'll accept these trips and bury his resentments about them, or he won't and you'll break up.
I mean, I don't have much going on right now going on. I can't go out much because my parents are a bit strict even when I told them I need to leave my room, I need to breathe. Take a walk, or hang out with my friends but, they said I go often and I'm not allowed. It's either u need to study or just focus on your exams. So, I legit can't do much. The thing is I also know when he goes live!, he isn't doing anything so, I don't know why he isn't texting me.
It sounds like he may be the one with a mental disorder for being that concerned over someone elses fucking body. Dudes with that kinda mindset arent worth a shit. Absolutely no goddamn reason he should be worried about anyone but himself and you, does he think he is god? wrong by whose standards. Immaturity speaks
No.
I don’t want to not have him in my life? I just want to know if it’s possible for the relationship to be successful like this.
I’d definitely not have a kid now! That’s for sure. And if he actually going to pressure me into having a baby right after college it will be a nono for me. It’s all talk from him now, doesn’t mean I’m willing to give a birth in order to keep him with me.
You know the answer. Move out. She doesn’t want you there and thinks you are a sinner.
I saw that. Are u coming up with details besides we'd make it work, bc thats pretty generic. Do either of u have genetic issues of concern?
Good for them. I hope it’s a true romance and they on-line happily ever after I mean it makes sense that they compatible and you’re compatible.
Girllll…all I can say is that you have a terrible taste in men…or at least have a habit of making weird choices when it comes to dating.
This is the 2nd one that's a controlling ass.
I mean he has every right to feel some type of way about how you interact with others, but this level of jealousy and having outbursts even is crossing a line.
His actions may stem from some trauma, someone could have cheated on him, don't know, don't care. It's not your job to fix him. A man is not a project.
You shouldn't have to change your whole personality to be with him. It's not healthy, you shouldn't loose yourself in a relationship.
I don't know if you realise this, but form your post it seems like he slowly started to isolate you from others, which can be an early warning sign of an abusive relationship. What if his next outburst turns physical? – He gets annoyed at some very normal things, so there's really no telling what will set him off.
Please please please for the love of god, get away from this man…
I’m sorry, there’s no come back from this. She’s not showing remorse and was very willing to continue the affair before being caught and then continue lying after. What’s left?
From your comments you seem to be moving to a divorce footing and I wish you the very, very best with that.
Post Malone is sweet, does he make you pay for dates?
You need to let her go. Leave her flowers and lunch at her door? C'mon dude that's really pathetic. I get the sense that she felt smothered by you.
Congratulations on the job offer.
When someone wants to be with you they will do whatever it takes to get to you. Your the one making all the effort and now after just 4 weeks, he wants you to give up amazing opportunity? No
Take the job.
Am I the only one who thinks the fainting is fake, and is a manipulative tactic by the MIL to get her way?
Would you feel better if you send it? Do it. For your sake. But sometimes ignore and block is better.
She doesn’t deserve an answer
lies almost every day
Break up with this person. Don't date someone you can't trust. Reading the rest of this I'm not even sure why you're continuing to date this person.
None of your choices led to you deserving this.
Unfortunately some people do this — keep backup plans on the back burner so they never have to actually deal with themselves if they find themselves alone. Most don’t admit to it because of how shitty it is.
You both are very young. Yes, this is absolutely garbage behavior. Seems to me like you’re far more mature than she is.
If you don't tell her someone else might be a lot more rude about it. Still probably not the best idea tbh
You fantasise about divorce. Is this really because of your body, or because of how your husband treats you?
What on earth are you even doing there?
Trying to buy someone the moon who wouldn't even get you a croissant from the backery shop?!
She has luxury tastes that aren't yours to fulfill!
I would postpone any other spending before your med bills aren't paid!
Same goes with going even deeper into debt for a house for princess!
And even more so for that delusional wedding you can't afford right now!
Stop being sorry she doesn't chip in. Rather stop chipping in yourself!
wouldn't he ask for the ring back and end our engagement??
Why would he? You're sticking around and giving him the benefits.
You should have bailed on him sooner. You gave up your prime years as a woman and don't even have a ring (and the recourse that goes with it)
Offspring sang a song about you and your girlfriend. “Why don’t you get a job?” You should go listen to it, maybe it’ll give you the courage to do what you already know that you need to do…
It's creepy. Its implications of 'the good virginal woman' is just full-on 'hail the patriarchy'. She did mention a religious bent in the family so it could be part and parcel of that – but then again religions are best known for incest. It started to sound like “Handmaid's Tale” to me – always a red flag.
That's crazy and unstable
I didn’t have feelings for him, I just didn’t ever take a step back to see what I was doing. I did think he was attractive, not more than my bf and I never wanted anyone else. I wouldn’t have cheated I was just mindlessly going through life and I know that’s wrong
Yup! My gf and I are talking about adopting, and even if we've been together so many years, they still require 3 consecutive married years. (Which is weird, unmarried, we could do it right now.)
I'm really unclear how you 'love' someone who you don't have time for.
It really sounds like you both don't want to admit you're single and are using each other as an excuse.
You should consider what you think a relationship is, what you want out of it, and if that at all resembles what you have. Odds are you should just concentrate on yourself and your career for awhile and when you're happier with yourself more, and more established, you'll likely be able to draw someone for a relationship that you would prefer to have.