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The way that he's apologizing for it is making me a little nervous. If I was over 270 pounds heavier than my partner and a foot taller AND I'd already hurt them before I would be so pressed to be careful around them.
The fact that he's not changing his behavior after physically hurting you is a little scary to me.
as u/thankyounext42 said, document it and show it to him. Both of you will understand the gravity of the situation this way.
We've had sex yes, same thing she cums then shes tired and were done.
Didnt mean that maliciously just thats what happens.
With my bf for 11 years. It was a problem from the start. Took me 11 year to figure out it was a dealbreaker. I felt all kinds of guilt and shame… falling out of love with someone because of not enough sex. Now I wish I hadn’t wasted my sexual prime with a guy that didn’t want to fuck.
I (29M) had dated a lot when I was younger. Tbh take your time. No need to rush. So many people your age are playing games. The whole hook-up culture was severely over rated and it made my outlook on relationships unhealthy, to the point I had to get therapy and soul search alone for a few years.
You will find the right person at the right time, trust me. You seem to have a good intuition (the ick feeling with that situation ship) and a good head I'm your shoulders, so follow your heart. I found my forever at 29. You have plenty of time to find Mr. or Mrs. right.
Is his car a lot more valuable?
I’ll have to tell you that almost every guy watches porn. However, if I was your boyfriend and know that this habit bothers you. I would never do it if I truly love you. The fact that you send him daily nudes and him saying that your nudes are getting old to him meaning you should stop wasting your time.
Commenters.
Omg I am so proud of you! My problem is I don't have the slightest motivation to do anything for myself, let alone finish if I start it. I am pathologically dependent on people but would so much want to become someone like you, kudos
This whole thing screams of fraud. First line in, she had an accident and THEN took out a policy. I don’t know of any policies that cover you for an accident that has already occurred at the time of taking out a policy. (This is an assumption on my part btw) If this is what has happened then she’s lied to the insurance company and defrauded them. THEN she collects on the policy that is supposed to cover you. Defrauded them again. Report her. Get a lawyer if you must but if she defrauded the company in the first incidence for her own accident, they may cancel both policies altogether. You would need to take her to court to see any kind of money because I suspect the insurance company might want to chase her for repayment of both payouts.
It's probably because most customers don't generally strike up random conversations with female employees at stores unless there is an ulterior motive. And women tend to get hit on a lot in stores where people just assume because they're being helpful and nice (it's their job) that there is interest on their part. It's an easy way for them to prevent these conversations from dragging on.
You’re right, and that’s completely logical. But i am so hyper fixated and concerned about breaking his trust. Idk why
Fight for the relationship and stay with him or call it quits
Not really-what I’d care about far more is a work ethic/ambition/drive/plan. You’re in high school. Nobody expects you to be rich or have a huge place (honestly it’s impressive you’ve got an apartment). I’d care if you were lazy, had no plans/hopes for the future, and didn’t want to improve yourself.
And as a side note, choose somebody with a work ethic like your own. If you’re willing to put in the work and you’ve ambitious, choose somebody similar, or you’re likely to come to resent each other.
Depends. Is he a long time boyfriend that has a friendship with your brother and is close with your family? In that case to me the joke is just a joke. But since your brother is offended I’m guessing they’re not close enough for him to tease him like that and your boyfriend should maybe just apologize
One of the most important things in a relationship are boundaries and they can change or new ones can be added as the relationship progresses, that is completely normal. And either he can respect those boundaries or he can leave if it doesn’t work for him. Boundaries are essential for keeping yourself in a relationship safe and respected and letting your partner know what he should or shouldn’t do in order to be in a healthy relationship with you
Leave him cause that isn’t cheating. Your boyfriend is a possessive shithead and you deserve better.
That’s what I’m saying man, jumping to cheating based off something so minuscule is crazy
I know everyone is hating on you right now, but you know, yolo.
Yolo dude.
If you're really that into the idea that you're ignoring everyone saying no, then I say why not?
Worst you end up with child support and a kid that wishes you were around more. Whatever dude. Child support isn't that big of a deal. At least they exist with the consent of both of their parents.
Go make a baby yo.
Hardcore YOLO.
Bro, use a burner account. People will hunt your post history and lynch you for it.
I'll just post paternity test and karma
if someone told me my nose was attractive I probably wouldn’t want a nose job, however that is not the case with me… tell her you like it and be genuine, but if she really wants it let her.
Phone the helpline o800 who gives a shit
I liked the amygdala part.
Wow, I feel awful for you. In the US (have no idea where you are) I've really never even heard of this, and I've had Indian classmates and stuff. I guess my idea on it is that a lot of their parents are doctors and engineers who really don't have time to put up with arranged marriages or bend over backward for familiy members on the other side of the Earth
Your not close to the alter as your friends suggest! Your as far from it as possible!
It's not normal.
That is a POS move.
Be a man. Don't share women with a buddy. That's some weak ass shit. No sloppy seconds.
Don't worry about having a female “friend”. The way you feel will always be the way you feel. She will fuck Chad after Chad and always keep you there as Mr dependable, Mr emotional tampon, never giving you the shot.
I'd forget about her. Remember, men gain value over time (if they work at it) because women want physical and financial security. Women Lose value over time because men want youth and beauty (and submissiveness, older women like to fight about dumb shit cause they're so far gone) .
Your situation gets better if you care only about yourself, work on yourself and you'll ATTRACT the correct women. Not chase them..don't do that. Build your value. It a better option that racing the age clock trying to tie down another human (woman's game).
There are billions of women. Billions. Work out, learn a skill that's sexy (sax, guitar, MMA, foreign language) and fucking DISTANCE yourself from both the friend and the chick.
You need men with the same goals, men who view the world as “i don't want that woman if you want her that bad, I'll go get those over there”.
Not a man who's gonna Weasle in and try and fuck your wife while youre away at work.
Not necessarily.
Last night I got drunk. I'm now nursing a sore throat and potential lost voice from yell-singing Christmas karaoke songs with my friends. I hate Christmas music normally. I'd never even consider doing such a thing if I were sober, especially as a trained musician who knows their vocal limits.
Clearly not as serious a scenario, but this idea that every drunken action is some secret desire bubbling to the surface is just… Not correct.
If your contact was so superficial, how do you jump meeting her when you are in town? Seems very suspicious.
Texts can be deleted and your wife knows this fact.
With even a modicum of acknowledgement of why a woman might not to move to a red state where she has less freedoms under the law and more social scrutiny from conservatives. He comes across as a bit tone deaf and callous (or at least do to me). He’s not the one losing power in this move, she is.
Doesn’t mean he can’t ask her to move or break up but he gives no consideration or even awareness of what she’d be giving up.
No it's not. You don't know anything about her family life. Some people's families are extremely toxic and harmful. She may be happier where she is, further away from her family, for any number of reasons.
Neither of them is wrong here, they just want different things. There's nothing wrong with that, and neither needs to be the bad guy.
Yep, my dad gifted my brother and I one for Christmas one year. Granted I don’t know if mine is charged, however it’s in the back of the car anyways.
Ye feeling wanted is nice but it will wear off. Even if u breakup with ur grilfriend and get with that other girl it will wear off. That doesn’t mean that the person in a relationship don’t love each other anymore. It’s normal. It is nice being wanted and stuff but when u get in a relationship the completely feeling wanted part will wear off. And if the only thing why y want to be with that girl is being wanted then it will last half a year in max. Because after that time that feeling will go away and the only thing why u wanted that girl is gone aswell.
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The reason she might be telling you is because she has moved out of the crush stage, when they go for drinks, she is sharing thoughts and personal stuff that you would only share with your SO. She is in close contact with him (none work setting) and maybe even creating an emotional attachment.
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I would suppose OP comes from a family that treated each other well. And doesn't understand some of us came from controlling, emotionally, physically or verbally abusive homes. And doesn't understand sometimes you go LC or NC because that is the only way to be healthy. And would never subject your child to that toxic life.
She gives me a “I want a safe way out before breaking up” vibes
She may not be cheating of you but unless she told you that she was poly there is no reason to continue the relationship at all as “kinda falling for” is the way of the cheater to emotionally cheat without feeling guilty
A puppy on sale?? You need to re-home that poor dog and never ever get a puppy again. You should be blacklisted from buying a puppy ever again. You're not home, she's incapable to even do the minimum. That poor thing!
So, as you actually took the time to read my comment and ask for advice, I did read the rest of the post, and I likely have misjudged you in some ways which I will attempt to clear up in this one.
1 – Was a red flag because it lacked context. The “finally” comment came across as if it was only her responsibility and that it was “about time she did her job”, that's why I took it as a red flag. 2 – Whether she is on her period or not is irrelevant and is often seen as an out to tell a women that she is overreacting. If you took note of it now, I went with the assumption that you've told it to her before, and that's a very simple way to find yourself in an arguement. 3 – You basically explained it with the last line, but I will thank you as you've just taught me a new word (juxtaposition).
I was definitely harsh on you in my judgement as context is everything in these posts and we only get one side of it, personally I have to try and view it how I would from the other perspective.
The undiagnosed and potential mental health issues are quite something, as that is a lot (in my unprofessional opinion about to finish my Psych Degree, not my masters) for a therapist to think she may have at one point without consulting or referencing her to a psychiatrist.
As for tonight, please update us as to what happens because I would be genuinly curious if that is the case (again).
As for how you can do better, I'm not a perfect man, but I am a patient one and that's what I would preach in this situation; along with being a little more mindful of how your words may come across to someone with those potential diagnoses (as once again, I am not a professional).
Aside from that, if the same thing occurs tonight as it has prior like you've stated, I would recommend seeking a psychiatrist for a professional opinion on what the therapist has commented on, as if that is the case, it will be something you both need to learn how approach if you want to stay together.
As someone who has a close friend with all the aforementioned diagnoses, I hope it all works out.
If being your father meant everything to him, he should have been there when it mattered. If he can’t understand that your stepfather has been your real father all these years then he doesn’t deserve to be a father anyways
With an attitude like this I’d question rehoming the wife. She doesn’t very pleasant or mature.
EDIT: I’m obviously joking. Sorry, just people who can’t treat animals well rarely are good people.
Lung and bronchus cancer Colorectal cancer Pancreas cancer Breast cancer Prostate cancer Liver cancer
Not sure why that article would claim it’s the third leading cause. It’s #5.
Yes! I have had ons, and guys there treated me better than this.
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I’ve had 3 bfs in 15 years. One 5 year relationship and one 6 year relationship. So, that may be why I feel like 10 is a lot. For more context, there have only been a few days between each of his gfs and I guess I felt like a healthy person doesn’t make every person they go on a date with their girlfriend. But this is good perspective. Thank you.
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Someone being in therapy is a red flag that they are undesirable as a partner?!? What century are we in. Shane on you.
There is nothing you can do at this point. Whatever he asked of you and with you not able to follow through has changed the dynamic or the work atmosphere. Rember in the workplace
1) He is your boss. 2) He is not your close friend he is an acquaintance. 3) When push comes to shove, he can fire you. 4) Let it be for now. 5) What lesson have you learned from this?
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Get yourself checked for STDs.
that's my concern 🙁
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This is a very good description of how alot of men feel. I would also add that alot of men feel that sex is a really important part of a relationship and feel like it's part of the womans contribution. They will feel that it's a symbol of how important they are. So if a women has sex earlier or more freely with someone else that will feel like they are more important to the woman. Most men know that women don't see it that way but men do so explaining how women think about it won't help.
It's always at the six month mark that the mask slips. That the honeymoon phase settles, then real life attitudes kick into gear.
She needs to get professional help to stop associating you with her dad. You're both not the same person.
Lies and deception have no place in a relationship. You definitely don't want to be marrying someone (in a few years) who takes pride in spreading lies, either.
Our bodies naturally respond to red flags for the sole purpose of protecting us from entering messy situations. That list you wrote? Keep it handy. Never make excuses for red flags, either.
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I do. Have to online with this now
Short answer: Yes.
When both people are drunk and have sex, it can be that both did not consent or also SA, but if only one is drunk without the power to consent and the other person is completely sober, it is SA . You could even say they plan this, probably your first “friend” must have bragged about what he did to your other “friend” and then he tried to do the same when he had the chance to.
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Good about your boyfriend.
See my other post ?
He's seen a psychologist
I think you're being a bit paranoid here. There's no reason to believe he would want to catch up on “lost time”. Why would he do that if he has the greatest time with you?
And plus you are guiding him into this first relationship, trying to make it as healthy as possible. You're amazing you know that?
You seem to be made for each other , who knows! Just make the best of it!
If I was sure, I wouldn’t be asking for advice.
As the parent of a kid questioning their gender, I take complete offense that your BF would be so callous and cold to you by first not letting you know until it was “time to do the deed,” but also that they still pressured you to have sex after that came out. This person is not mature enough to have a relationship with and is not worth your time. You deserve better. You can’t drop a bomb the size of Hiroshima on someone and not expect some fallout. You need to run. I’m so sorry kiddo.
Holy fuck could you imagine if some tired wife asked her husband to make her a meal for her birthday, and he just showed up with his pants down begging for sex instead? And then on top of that threw a temper tantrum when he didn't get his way?
“You came at him as a fan, and he responded in kind” I must say, I´m impressed by your skills of logical deduction (sarcasm – wasn´t sure if you could read between the lines.)
Yes, it’s possible to have a happy, respectful, loving relationship. AND for you, ngl, it’s going to be a lot of work on your part.
With your background, there are probably hundreds if not thousands of little behaviors that are destructive. You would benefit from therapy and even then it’s likely to take a lifetime of practice and learning to get to where other people start from.
That’s not to try and discourage you, rather – it’s totally worth the effort. But it’s something you have to commit to in yourself.
L is the one person among billions who knows why L does the stuff that L does. You don't seem to like L. I think the better question is – why do you care so much about the goings on with Ls personal life (that have nothing to do with you, unless…) that you came to reddit to ask random people why someone we don't even know does what they do?
I'm trying to figure out how asking how someone's brain works fits into asking for advice on a relationship.
My advice is to disconnect from all things L since you put them down, don't think much of them, etc.
If that's how she behaves now, she'll definitely wreck patients' lives later. Who goes through people's meds and then pressures them to share private info. That's fucking criminal dude.
Ditch the asshole!!!!!
Give me a break she’s She’s 27. Stop infantilizing grown women.
Also happy cake day!
Wow it sounds like you’ve never tried a substance in your life. That’s not how many other people online their lives, and it’s not your decision. Unless she asks, keep your opinions to yourself or you’ll come across as a totally annoying, controlling square.
If she say something like this, you're completely allowed to let her know it ain't about her. It's not about being or not in a car with you, it's being with ANYONE during a time I need to relax. I prefer taking the bus. Period. Not “I'd rather take the bus than be in a car with you” just “I'd rather take the bus”. It.is.not.about.her.
Thinking you’re a furry animal is very much a mental illness
thank you!! It's just what he said makes me feel like I'm not being responsible to him. Also I feel like compared to what he did for me, I'm not doing nearly enough (although he said he didn't hint this). But that makes me want to think about this relationship more, about how I realized I never gave commitment a good naked look before jumping in the relationship.
End your relationship with your boyfriend. That relationship has no chance of being repaired.
Tell your mom everything. She is best suited to help guide you through this horrible time.
I’m terribly sorry you have to deal with this.
Ooh let me be your partner! Imma tell you I fantasise about fucking your mum.
What is wrong is that you both are at 2 stages of your life. He is ready to settle down and you are going to want to explore and grow. Dating him prevents you from finding people in your own age group. But you are young at if it works for now, there is nothing wrong with continuing as long as you promise yourself that the minute he stops you from doing something you want to do (like college), he controls your friendships and isolates you from family and friends, talks about marriage, or tries to get you pregnant you leave him. Because he may be a groomer.
If he wanted to do the right thing, he wouldn't be trying to low ball you
Why do you even care? Why are you following her on social media?
for religious reasons, your wife will let your kid go without food? It's not like she has to cook meat every time.
If shes cooking for the family and they want meat and she refuses to cook it, she shouldnt be a mother.
Call or text and tell her “I want to apologize for what I said the other night. I only got four hours of sleep because I had a morning appointment, and I just wasn't in the right head space for having a convo about your friend's guy problems. I lost my temper and said several things I dont actually mean, but I was telling you the truth when I said I was just too tired to deal with any of it. If it happens again, I'll tell you right away that I'm too tired to talk about anything heavy, and ask to put it off until I'm better rested. I love and respect you, and I feel terrible that I ended up hurting your feelings last night.”
Please don't put it off. The longer you wait, the longer she will stew in the aftermath of the fight and blow it up into something bigger than it deserves to be.
It’s normal and healthy for middle aged people to date college aged kids ?
When they lose themselves in fantasy is also tell tale sign.
Okay good for you. Thank you, i know it will?
Bruh because that’s essentially what you said, she was fired and he threw her to the streets.
She’s not asking that her partner be her therapist but a partner, who is there to support you when you need it because that’s what a relationship is. Supporting each other, and when wanting to be in a deeper committed relationship, you need to be sure that in case of a job loss or medical issue that the other one will be willing to be there for you in any way.
I think so too! My friends said that he's probably not interested but I feel more leaning towards giving him the benefit of the doubt as well.
thank you for taking the time to reply, i think that’s the best choice too.. i just needed the reassurance.
Every house I’ve lived in, the indoor locks have a simple key, where the end resembles like a flat head screwdriver. Unlocking them is trivial.
If it's okay with both of you, it's okay.
Realize you may be judged by others, but you'll have to address that as it comes.
I think you forgot to switch accounts, on another account you were a 19f with a libido problem
This has been going on for 5 years? She might be depressed because she's not doing anything, not contributing anything and you're enabling her.
I should rephrase: I don't want to break up with him cuz I hate the idea of a not having him by my side breaks my heart but that I know i should break up bc of reasons you stated in your comment.
If you want to even think of having a good relationship with your kids, as others have said, you'll have to disobey your husband. But, to be honest, after 30+ years of you blindly supporting and following this homophobic and ableist guy you married…. if I were your kid, I'm not sure I'd want to foster a relationship with you.
I'm close to your daughter's age and, if you were my mom, watching you kowtow to this man for the entirety of my life? Any sort of meaningful relationship is not a possibility. To be blunt, as long as you're worried about being an obedient wife, you can't be trusted to have your kids' best interests at heart.
Your relationship is over. You crossed a line and then lied. He owes you nothing.
Take this as a costly mistake
It sounds like you need to talk to her more or maybe just let it play out a bit. She's not wrong for having an issue with you smoking, but I'm not really in a position to tell you you're wrong for doing it in your circumstance. Maybe you can eventually find a healthier way to conrol your urges, though? Crossfit or whatever? Or at least switch to vaping/gum/etc.
Congrats on being sober, though! Don't do anything to jeopardize that.
I'm sorry you've been made to believe you are only worthy if you please your mam sexually. You should never put another person's pleasure above your health and safety. You're comfort matters, please tell him you cannot continue.
Id break up with you too. You fucked up and aren’t taking any responsibility for it. You chose to get that drunk. No one forced alcohol down your throat. This is your fault. You still have to take responsibility for your actions even while intoxicated.
You may have been too drunk to know what was going on when you kissed him (a lot to unpack just in how you explain and minimize that part) but you chose to keep drinking and get that drunk. No matter what, you should have told him as soon as you found out. You broke trust twice. Once when you cheated and second when you lied(not being honest and avoiding telling someone is still being a liar) and even if we follow your broken logic for the first trust break being “not your fault” the lie has no excuse.
No future with someone dishonest so no point talking it out.
I wouldn't even bother trying to convince her. I would be stating that since she seems to be back in communication with this person and keen to go on a trip with him, the marriage is now over.
Take the L and move on. I know it hurts. I'm sorry you are going through those feelings right now.
But you are correct, no answer is an answer. If she wanted to talk to you, she could. I have been busy before with work, family, travels, etc. If I had a man who was on my mind during those busy times, I still made time to talk to him. If I felt I may be too busy to talk, I gave him a heads up and a time frame. You have to communicate. And if someone doesn't, it's typically because they don't want to.
Finnish current president have about 28yr younger wife. They got kid when president was 69yr old.
Wow there is a whole lot of information and misinformation going around. Yes you need to have a talk with him about whether or not he actually wants to have kids and what that is going to look like for you. But for your own peace of mind you need to figure out your fertility situation. As someone else said, you need to figure out if you are ovulating. I was not and it took me about a year of going back and forth with a doctor and a naturopathic doctor to get that sorted before I could even start trying. I'm now 7 months into trying. Whether you stay with him or not trying to conceive is a whole journey that doesn't start with unprotected sex.
She asked you to communicate when you want sex. You communicated that you'd like sex, and she's now calling you gross. You didn't cross any boundaries, but it does seem that you're not compatible. It doesn't help that she says one thing, but means another.
I’d simply break up. You have a sex drive. That’s nothing shameful.
Yea you’re right. I also don’t feel bad for supporting her, it’s just a bummer that’s it’s impacting our relationship
He is seeing someone else. I don’t care what he says. This is how people treat you when they’re done using you.
I told her that she was difficult, her constant problems were annoying, and that I felt she was using me
If this is true then you should break up as you are evidently not compatible. If what you said is truly the case, it sounds like she is overly-dependant, high maintenance and a user.
However, if what you said was you lashing out emotionally in temper and these things aren't true then, well… I don't know if someone can come back from something like this.
I have a gut feeling that you chose those things for a specific reason. Either they are 100% true, or you chose those insults specifically because they targeted her insecurities.
Yes, it’s crap – but I suspect he’s usually like that and it’s up to you whether to stand for it or not. I’m not going to go full “look at the age gap” but he’s a literal teenager.
No that’s not your point at all. You are saying a persons boundaries are caused by insecurity
It’s not. You are saying OP only cares because she is insecure. No. It’s her boundary. And he broke it. Even secure people care about their boundary being broken
One night a week is not obsessing, she is being ridiculous.
I will say, as a woman, if you want kids, there is absolutely a ticking clock. Pregnancy is risky at any stage, and people need to plan these things ahead. Especially if you want to juggle a relationship, motherhood and a professional career.
That said, you both need to sit down and discuss what both your timelines look like, because then she can decide if spending time with you will get her what she wants.
There is nothing wrong with either of you wanting different things, but you need to make sure to have these conversations early, especially since you don't want to online together nor have kids in the next year or two
I will say, as a woman, if you want kids, there is absolutely a ticking clock. Pregnancy is risky at any stage, and people need to plan these things ahead. Especially if you want to juggle a relationship, motherhood and a professional career.
That said, you both need to sit down and discuss what both your timelines look like, because then she can decide if spending time with you will get her what she wants.
There is nothing wrong with either of you wanting different things, but you need to make sure to have these conversations early, especially since you don't want to online together nor have kids in the next year or two
I hate to say this buddy, but stop sleeping with you before you find yourself baby trapped. All the signs are pointing at a situation you won't be able to get out of. She is on a VISA, you've only been dating for 2 months, and she's already pushing the marriage, and kids. That's a bad, dangerous sign. End it before it's too late. Also be prepared for her to come back claiming she is pregnant. Proof from a doctor, and a DNA test before you do anything.
Do it with humour – tease him about it. Make him feel silly.
Just do the test, you're not hiding anything after all xd
I'm sorry if that came off as condescending, I was a bit snappy because your comment about “he could work full time, because full time in Europe is nothing like the hours we work in the US” really sounded like you look down on European work culture.
Yes, you can force her to get a job by making her single again.
i want my baby but i don’t want to do it alone
The copium is strong here.
Wherever you are, the organisation would not be opening itself to possible culpability resulting from assault charges by requiring coed rooms. Its too damn risky for them and much cheaper to pay for extra rooms.
You are being lied to and you know something is shady as you bring your question here. Stop being so passive and do something about your concerns – discuss them fully.
You're 23. You're in your prime dude. She did you a favor. You can now truly enjoy life as a single man
I would handle each person individually. People can learn and grow, so while she may be more likely to end up in a toxic relationship, she’s not destined to.
If you see signs of toxicity or issues, deal with them quickly.
OP wants X. GF wants Y. It’s not a compromise if GF has to accept X. It’s not a compromise of OP has to always accept Y.
A hybrid of “Hey, sometimes I can do this, and sometimes you can do that…” makes sense here.
What we’re looking for here is Z. Which maybe looks like once a month OP leaving her apartment on a specific day for her GF’s comfort and the rest of the time GF works around OP’s planned outings.
OP offered GF X, not Z. That’s not a compromise.
You kay never have been in a relationship before, but your boundaries seem very reasonable to me. This girl is NOT the one you want to have your first relationship with. Now that you know who she really is, you can move one.
I’m sorry it worked out that way for you, but sometimes we just learn who people really are through unfortunate circumstances, and it’s disappointing.
While communication is great, don’t you think he would have said something to her directly if he actually wanted to discuss it?
Sounds like he respects how she feels about it, and is hashing out his own feelings with a therapist. I find that to be incredibly mature, it’s clear he cares about her wishes.
I’d personally not bring it up unless he does.
But you can’t relate that because she’s 21 . Lol
T is making an issue out of nothing and trying to make herself center of attention. She sounds like a shit friend. Glad you and your boyfriend have talked more about this and all is fine between you two.
Well, I think he feels totally insecure in the fact that he’s probably not had a threesome and then to find out that you did have a threesome with two other guys. He probably feels incredibly inadequate now, and the fact that somebody that he looked at and one way now he sees you in a different way for having had sex with two guys at the same time who seems like adding another person’s bedroom, more times, and not ends up in disaster, and typically asking to bring another person into the bedroom, kinda ends in a relationship quite a bit
Okay. I agree. I still feel terrible, especially after she messaged me: “You pretty much proved what I already knew. No man is going to fight for the boys and I. That dream is gone.”
That hurt. She’s definitely tugging at my heart strings and trying to make me feel bad.
Ask him to turn up the heat and turn on the water heater? Have you told him how uncomfortable you are?
Have you considered offering to split his utility bills since you are over there all the time?
Being bisexual does not give someone the right to cheat on their partner.
I second all of what u/Misty-Afternoon said
This is definitely not a good man. Sounds like he is the only one benefitting from you moving in with him
I would not give up my living accommodations for something like this. You will pay more and do more and get what in return exactly?
She knows she didn't want kids but that you do, and waited till you were signing invitations to your marriage to tell you, after 5 years. Bro, this isn't the one. You both are not compatible on a metric that is absolute.
But I don't know how to verbalise how much I didn't mean it.
Your chances of her believing you now, are close to nil tbh. You went nuclear.
Walk that stage! Invite your friends to the grad ceremony. Congratulations ?
Tell them you will attend his next wedding.
Dont they organize graduations on other dates? Or can you organize a self organized graduation to celebrate? I would suggest go to the wedding. Its not worth blowing up your whole relationship with your family.
I would tell her you'll support her for a 2 week vacation with friends and then after that she needs to be back to the reality of parenting responsibilities or you'll cut her off financially. Youve been very kind and this is ludicrous.
whiskey….
tango….
foxtrot…
over….
You’re 28, you have a lot of life ahead of you. There’s no reason you need to settle so early on. I got married at 34, my friend is getting married at 48. SO much can change just within a single year alone.
Don’t settle. Find someone who loves and appreciates you for who you are, all of it.
When my ex-wife would suddenly get a new book or music interest, completely opposite of what she usually liked, it was
always
tied to her having some sort of attachment to someone else.
Yup. When I've seen women behave that way, they are ALWAYS unfaithful at heart. My ex was the same way as OP's wife. Hence, she's my ex now, do to her unfaithfulness.
There's a great quote from Doctor Who about this:
“You know when sometimes you meet someone so beautiful, and then you actually talk to them, and five minutes later they're dull as a brick. But then there's other people, and you meet them and you think 'not bad, they're okay', and then you get to know them, and their face sort of becomes them, like their personality's written all over it, and they just turn into something so beautiful…”
It hurts to see comments like yours because they are biased but I agree with you that cheating (which I am not committed to yet) is wrong
you must be hurting a lot since virtually every comment is like mine….once again cheaters will say anything to justify their cheating…you are most definitely cheating, it is called emotional cheating(which you know very well you are doing, otherwise you would be doing it in the open and your wife would agree with it)..anyways, step out of denial and stop being an intentional douchebag.
. It’s more about being gaslighted and the only one trying to change in the relationship.
you are absolutely gaslighting her and certainly trying to change the relationship and not for the better of your two, just for your selfish needs..lol…end your marriage and then go find your catfish and marry her (once you get her away from her other partner)….what a crack of shit. Free your wife from your lies and deception. She deserves that at least
What if you broke up and became one of those “other people”? Do you think he would still be an okay person to coparent with for the rest of your life?
Get a lock for your bedroom door. Whether it's a doorknob that requires a key, or a padlock. Install it immediately. Advise grandmother that you do not have the energy in the morning to talk until after your coffee. Then make it very brief. See if there are any places with sublets available. Any communal houses to rent with other women. Something has to give!
Do you have data?
If this is a scam, then Jane is earning money with the video calls. The video calls cause John to give her money.
That’s a very good effort-for-money scheme.
You don't sound crazy and this is a legit question ….
Honestly, I wouldnt add her, if it were my house, I wouldnt want to lose half on a divorce.
I’d guess it’s a portfolio number or maybe if he does his books it says net worth at the top with all funds in it
O
Why is that crazy?
He has to want to get over it. He should be the one asking this question, not you. There's almost nothing you can do to help him, he has to want it from within or it won't last
My husband and I? Yes I thought we had good communication.
Didn't even need to read your thread.
You do nothing about the other guy! You break up with your Girlfriend.
Yeah, I tore once during sex and my husband was horrified. It was weeks before we got back to anything because he was afraid he'd hurt me. But this is ready to go 20 minutes later? The gentility.
This totally reads like a virgin or maybe someone with very limited partners wrote it. If the dicks shorter he’s not going to take 3 minutes every time he puts it back in. It happens a lot., maybe every few strokes. Can you stop acting like an expert in something you clearly don’t know about? It’s like you think he has some sort of guidance system.
When I was being raised I was taught to check pockets. I felt that was crap, because like you not my pockets not my problem. I have rarely checked pockets in my 15 years of marriage, do things occasionally get washed from a pocket, for sure, but I never loose sleep over it. Even my kids learned fast to clear their pockets.
I posted this as a reply, but in case it gets burried:
No, that's not how it works. Financial fraud is financial fraud. You can “give” someone your credit card. They can't “use” it without your permission. If they do, they are committing a crime.
Unauthorized Use
When a person uses a card without a card holder's permission, this is illegal. Under U.S. law, if the person reports unauthorized use, he is only responsible for a maximum of $50 in charges. Either the retailer or the credit card company will be responsible for any charges made without proper authorization. However, if a spouse's name is on the card, it will not be considered an unauthorized use.
This isn't a shared line of credit. If at any time you write a check, or use a credit/debit card, in someone else's name without their permission, even if you online with them, it's fraud.
OP, call your non emergency police line, they will tell you the same thing. What she did was criminal fraud.
I agree. Even if it was an immediate family member (the dog is his family) he doesn’t have 5 minutes to touch base with his supposed girlfriend?
I mean, I’m sure he’s spending time talking to other people…
I wouldn’t put up with that.
Your situation is a bit dicey tbh. It's not very clear what's going on with your bf. Let's start with the fact that watching or following female streamers isn't innately wrong or suspicious in itself in anyway. I follow a few myself, though I don't watch streams very often, but I also have zero interest in them outside of their content.
But your bf seems to take this a few steps further. He clearly has a strong interest in, at minimum, starting friendships with some or all of these streamers. Even so, that's not strictly evidence of ill intent. But the flag starts to get redder, so to speak. And I say that, because we know that a LOT of guys who will do that, are seeking attention from the female streamers they're showering in attention to begin with. And many of those guys also wish for something romantic to occur between them.
But having said that, I don't know that he is pursuing a romantic/sexual goal through his behavior. But I also know that it is a bit suspicious.
It's one of those situations that you're just not likely to know what's truly really going on. It may be perfectly innocent. But it also may be a sign of a lot more that would destroy your relationship later on. I think this is a “trust your gut” moment. If you feel too uncomfortable about his behavior towards female streamers, then you have your answer. And if you feel you can tolerate this while keeping an eye out, that's also reasonable.
Have you tried it?! I want to make sure it’s worth the price before I do.
Fellas is it gay to have sex with a woman
Remove him from your SM.
Send him an email saying that you don’t want contact with him outside of work. Tell him to stop using work time and resources to pressure you to spend time together outside of work. Tell him it was inappropriate to call you ‘beautiful’ and all commentary on your appearance needs to stop. Tell him that you will not discuss this in person. Don’t give him an explanation on why. You don’t owe him a personal relationship or an explanation. It’s not workplace age discrimination to decide you don’t want outside of work friendships.
If he argues via email, in person, or complains to others – document that via email and go to HR.
Keep in mind he probably has a history this. HR will probably just tell him to leave you alone. But if he’s faced complaints in the past actions will be more serious.
I mean, op's wife probably had no conception of how far niche fetishes can go. If you said niche fetish to me, I would probably think oh, feet, messy foods, bdsm, furries. I might not be thinking of more taboo gross things like scat and waterworks. I would really not be thinking of the truly hideous places “niche fetishes” can go like online animals, rape, snuff, children. She may have realized that the big grey area she didn't really put any thought into could actually be black as all hell.
Having seen the poo now which she didn't consider before, op's wife might be wondering how far has this man's career taken him and were there ethical limits. It's worth another conversation (assuming there actually were ethical limits).
She shouldn't have told any family about the poo though, that's unconscionable.
Sorry to hear you are going through this!
I'd advise couples therapy as it sounds like a very complex issue
Yes yes and yes!
This needs to be said more!
Girl why you want to be someone’s mommy? You deserve a partner who makes your life easier. Go find one.
Is his opinion based on his religious beliefs?
telling you they feel kept in a box for your enjoyment
To me, that sounds more like trying to lay a guilt trip on OP.
It's not as if OP did anything unusual. He dated someone casually, and then they had The Talk and agreed to be a couple. He never forced anything on her.
I think it’s probably best to go your separate ways. It sounds like he’s looking for reasons to end the relationship by saying you’ll hold him back. Honestly, having someone there to help emotionally support you while going through a challenging curriculum is such a great help, it shouldn’t be viewed as holding you back if you have a good partnership – which it doesn’t seem like you do.
PS. If you’re in the US, law school admissions decisions for next fall are already coming out. He’s almost definitely too late to start applying to start school this coming August. He won’t go to law school for another year at least. He’s just making excuses to split up with you.
Lol no that was just an example of how people can be influenced. I mean some judges are fucking crazy though so maybe sometimes.
Dude, go get some damn therapy! You've posted this same shit numerous times over the past 3+ months.
She may have been toxic, but if your obsessive behavior is any indicator, then you both dodged a bullet.
Step one: call a lawyer
Step two: file a police report
Step three: find a therapist
Step four: file for divorce
because i personally view high fashion as a means for the wealthy to flex on people and separate themselves from those who cannot afford it. it's gross. maybe i've missed the point and miscommunicated, but I'm talking about Hermes, LV etc. etc. high end fashion that exists to be expensive. High end mechanical watches ala Patek/Rolex etc.
i do like nice things also, if they are well constructed and have a tangible benefit. one example is high end outdoor gear that confers additional weather protection. but i will never be on board with buying something that's more expensive for the sake of exclusiveness. Which is how I feel about that kind of stuff.
She isn't your girlfriend. You are her side piece/rebound.
I am sorry, buddy, but accept it and move on. You will be better off.
It’s not lack of sex, it’s lack of intimacy and caring that seems to be the issue. She not only refuses to put any effort into doing things for you, she actively negs anything you do enjoy. It’s almost as if her sole purpose in life is to drain everything pleasurable out of yours.
Well yeah, surely this makes sense to you. Seduction relies pretty heavily on tactile exchanges and at the end of the day FT “sex” is really just embellished masturbation. What you might be experiencing is the difference between being male and female. A typical guy your age doesn't require much lead up while women are always more complicated. It's just pretty difficult for most people to get all that naked and bothered over the pixels on a screen.
My daughter had the only car in the household, I am able to manage getting to work by walking, I only used her car for when I had to get groceries.
I didn’t offer my room as it’s extremely cluttered and small, I use it also as the home office so it wouldn’t of been practically to sleep my sister ans her two sons in.
I don’t have any advice but your valid for feeling uncomfortable. It’s not as easy as “oh just trust your wife”. My spouse would never put me in a weird position or make me feel uncomfortable or not be willing to hear me out about feeling uncomfortable. Trust your gut
He should not be touching you, making comments about your appearance or sending you kissy face emojis.
That guy is a creep and should be reported.
Yes plus no doubt the texts are at the top
she’s blocked. she made a new account to message him on insta
Yeah, I think since she's going back to wherever she took that picture OP doesn't like, she wanted to take a look through their phone to see if she might find anything that would give her a good excuse to do it again.
I think no matter what, this situation was never going to end well for OP. I think the wife was just trying to find the key to freedom. It was already over when she decided to ask, this was just a formality.
But then, none of us know the situation really, nor do we know either of the people involved, and all of this is just speculation.
Thank you for your opinion. But may I ask why? Because it’s a sign that they are not mature enough to date people in their own age? Or the genration gap?
Funny you didn't mention Muslim or black countries.
Yeah, at the very LEAST boyfriend is enjoying the idea of having Taylor and OP vying for his attention way too much and he’d rather prioritize that ego boost over his actual partner’s discomfort.
By both lying to you, and about you, he left you no choice. Make it clear to him.
Break up with him, unless he admits to both things from prior paragraph. Then he needs to explain to all people he has lied about you, thst you only fislike her in reaction to her constant disrespect to you. Then he needs stop sering her. Tell him you wouldn't ask it of him, but he has vhosen her over you one time too much.
He will refuse do be prepared to just leave him.
Stop talking to her all together. End the friendship.
Always negotiate from the strength of a better offer.
This underpaying is done to women a lot. I (58M) wanted to lay my then 28F post doc what she was worth, but it took 4 months because all the (oddly women!) in HR didn’t see it as being worthwhile. She’s the best performing in our college, and now finally paid the best (noting, I’m lucky to be able to afford it, but that’s a different story).
The moral, negotiate from strength with evidence, and understand your worth. It seems they could afford it, so …
Communication is key. You need to talk to her about your needs. My wife and my body types are the same as yours; I'm naked, she's cold. Let her know that you like cuddling, but you get overheated and need to keep it short.
My child sometimes frustrates the shit out of me. Obviously, if I didn't have said child or they didn't do something, then I wouldn't get upset.
HOWEVER
It is entirely my job to control my reactions. They are MY reactions, not hers. It is not my child's fault that I get upset or I lose my temper.
It is up to ME to work on it and be the parent she deserves and be a better person. And because I want to be better, I am working on it.
It is never her fault like it is never yours.
On the bright side, you guys are still young. You had a good relationship for 2 years. He’s chosen to end it. Ok. You still have sooooo many years ahead of you.
Glad he told you this now and didn’t cheat or wait around 40 years to tell you this
She says it was jsut talking, but she lied about that “conversation” even taking place so why wouldn't she lie about what happened.
What the, who does that
Thank you. You are right. I told him I didn’t want to decide for him what he should do, but that I would appreciate the support and feel safer if he decided to stay with me. I take accountability for not saying straight out that «yes, I want you to stay hear»
“she's really into me” She hardly knows you.
I never stated I didn’t understand his dislike for those actions. I do obviously know why he doesn’t want to be treated like that, I just asked for his sake and my better understand, why it can be thought that that is a better action than the rather , SO I can understand it like that to.
Not only is it disrespectful to you, it is disrespectful to his friends as well.
Have to say if we were all reading this and it was a woman, everyone would be backing her.
I'd be more worried about him changing his mind again about what he wants to do then him lying to your face. He's 26 not 18 or 19 how does he not know when he's capable of handling at this point. Obviously nobody knows what they can handle until they're in it but you have an idea of your boundaries. so why would he suggest being a firefighter if he didn't think he could handle it. What is he doing for work now? What are his next steps? I don't think you should have your whole life figured out by 26 but some picture of what the future is going to look like should be in place. what happens when this next school dream he doesn't think he can handle? what happens when you have kids and he decides he needs to switch careers again? He seems flaky and dishonest on top of that.
Tell him you’re going to call the friends wife anyways.
Gifting the same gift again implies:
the giftee expressed joy of getting that exact precise gift once. In a way to make the gifter think, he liked more of that kind.
You really sound biased and ill intended towards OPs girlfriend.
What is kind of funny here is that there seems to be a lack of communication.
But it's mutual. He never seems to have expressed his pleasure to be gifted her art only being lukewarm!
Where he doesn't sound like the one to really probe to see if she actually WANTED baskets of bath products, jewelry (what kind of jewelry? Plated stuff is nice, but that's not what could be called jewelry) or stuffed animals.
Reddit would be in an uproar to tell her “a man taking time, money and effort to craft something with his hands is an absolute keeper and tgat she should art lessons to.be able to reciprocate” is more like it.
You seem to project your own dislike on that poor girl, which doesn't help that much.
He always talks about everything it's just the important stuff he doesn't tell me about
So you found out your woman lies to benefit herself
Told you at the beginning you were the only one when smashing another , singing the praises of another
Yeah trust done , relationship done
If you want to try and salvage something you could talk to her but you know she lies so it won't mean much.
When you finally leave this dope, try not to take his crap as normal into your next relationship.
JFC how many red flags do you need? Get out.
She is not minding her own bussiness.
Don’t let this a**hole who has not intention of committing to you ever waste any more of your life or your fertile years. Leave him. You deserve better; you deserve happiness.
I'm kinda used to be around females. Most of my closest friends were female in my teens, I was raised just by my mom. I have one older and one younger sister…. I have been in 2 serious relationships. Both “long” (4-5 years) and the last one I really loved her, I still do and we are very good friends now.
So you've had women friends and have someone to go to to understand the female perspective….
Finally, I don't have friends, which I think is part of the problem. So I don't have anyone to talk about this.
Sorry, this doesn't make sense. Did you mean to say friends who are men?
I would really like to know what do you think about this situation? and also what can i do to try to feel more confortable and calm around her so I can do a better job in a professional manner?
Stop letting her touch you. Just move out of the way. Keep an arms length distance from you.
You're her boss. Treat the situation as though she was a man. Be friendly but professional to her. She does not fancy you. There's a professional power imbalance. Don't go there. Do not take her for lunch, after dinner drinks, anything like that. Don't friend her on social media, don't phone or text her personal phone at any time.
I would suggest that you focus energy on your social life outside work. Spend time on your hobbies and socialising with non work people.
I would straight up end it. That’s too sneaky for me. I would feel like a chump hanging out with them. Lots of girls to choose from.
Honestly, why don’t you just ask her and have an adult contact about it?
In my opinion it sounds like that’s her boyfriend then you are her side thing and that’s why she’s not sharing you as much or at all because she doesn’t want people to see.
Since you are having trust issues, you might want to start reading her messaging. If she is loyal you won't find anything, or deleted messages.
If she is crossing boundaries you'll want to know that as soon as possible.
Yes exactly! I think we’re still just young and learning how to communicate in healthier ways than we have in the past. Thank you for your response it was super helpful!
whatever you do, make sure you put your back into it
Stopped reading after the 2nd paragraph, he’s opening the door for you to take your freedom by the balls. Get your boots on & strut out the door.
Not trying to put you on the spot and make you feel embarrassed, just trying to put things in perspective for you. Your hope for this relationship is that he be a completely different person, from an outside perspective it just seems like a major waste of your time and energy.
I can listen to you if you want to vent out
And what’s wrong with that? Love has different forms. Be an adult.
It’s not so terrible for the MOTHER to say that to the child. Because it’s kind of true – the love of a parent for their children is the strongest of loves. Anyone who looks at a parent interacting with their child can see that (well, a decent parent, anyway).
But for the person to say it to their partner? Red flag, and they should run!
Why be with a man who doesn't support your decisions and what you do with your own body?
It does sound like you have different values. I think you need to accept that your man is very very conservative and does not respect that women have autonomy over their own bodies. If that's important to you then you should not be with someone who thinks that way