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Sure, food for thought. But lets not be stupid. A bunch of young dudes going to Thailand. It's not just for the cheap food. Its up to her but she clearly isn't comfortable with it, and that's ok! He can do what he wants. She just needs to have enough self respect to actually stick to her boundaries.
She was obviously just having a fun night out with friends. Then you go up to her while she’s drunk telling her to choose you or the fun she’s having. Seems a little crazy to me. You could have went to see if she was okay then joined the fun or left after seeing she was fine. Seems very weird and controlling of you.
She BADLY needs to see a doctor about this. This is going to cause her a LOT of problems in life and she’s going to have an extremely difficult time maintaining relationships. It’s simply not normal behavior to dump someone every time you get into an argument with them. Honestly, I’m not sure why you’d put up with this. When she’s NOT having one of these mood swings, and she’s in a good mood, you should literally insist that she sees a physician about this if she wants the relationship to continue.
He’s obviously insecure about her touching herself. He doesn’t feel disgusted or threatened by it. He pretends to sleep to catch her doing it. That’s what insecure people do to validate their fears, and it’s extremely unhealthy.
Yes before it’s too late, she’s keeping you as the “settle option” when she’s tired of getting with people she’ll go to you, the last option, cut all contact with her and heal, trust me, she sees you as the last resort for when she wants to stop being with a lot of men, so please leave, good luck my guy
There's no burden of performance anymore, not that complicated. This is a common problem when one person gets too comfortable in the relationship.
In this case your GF has gotten comfortable. It's a “breach of contract”. It would like if your GF met you and you were an ambitious go getter and suddenly became fat and lazy when you moved in together.
In such a situation a fire must be lit under their ass metaphorically.
It’s time for a little offense with defense. I would tell him the next time that he says that to the children you’re going to add him and tell him that he’s bad mouthing you because he’s maladjusted he’s angry and bitter and he’s lying. You do that enough he’ll stop because he doesn’t want that done back to him. You are letting him do this to you. Your kids will know you.
It means a therapist who won't be negative to the OP about sex work. In therapy, sex positive means generally not judgemental about sexuality and sex work, educated about sexual health, and can work with the OP on disentangling their anxiety from their desire. They usually have extra training in sexuality and sex. It is a fairly normal term in therapy circles.
This is a bit dependent on a few factors since you haven’t mentioned much in this post about where you both are at with your feelings.
Have you discussed boundaries with what the limitations of your FWB situation looks like? Are things like dates or romantic interactions on the table or is it limited to simply sexual contact?
If you’ve had conversations about where you both view your FWB status, how frequent are these conversations? Do you check in often enough to gauge his feelings alongside your own, or is it left mainly unspoken?
If you don’t feel as though you can open up to him about it, why not? What prevents this in your closeness to each other?
I’m currently in a similar situation to you with a man I’ve been seeing consistently for about 6 months. I definitely see him as someone who could be a future partner for me, but it’s just not a good time for either of us. We try to have one solid conversation about “where we’re at” every month or so just to ensure we’re on the same page with our feelings and if we are still interested in continuing to hookup and spend meaningful time with each other. It’s helped us resolve any discrepancies in how we view our time together and our role in each other’s lives.
I really do believe that the best way to have a FWB is to be communicating consistently, staying open about any possible interest or disinterest in exclusivity, and this eliminates a lot of unnecessary hurting if you both have misaligned expectations. Be open, honest, and remember that you can’t force someone to want to commit to you. You’ll never know though unless you talk about it. If he doesn’t reciprocate, I’d suggest moving along. In my experience, it’ll only hurt in the long run to be sharing sexual intimacy with someone who doesn’t reciprocate the same love you have for them.
The only two options I would take is either just say thanks or ignore completely.
You need to move on. It isn’t your business who she dates and calling what he did SA just cheapens that term for people who are actually assaulted.
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Was you husband in the delivery room with you? Did you see your baby when she was born? I remember distinctly certain features of each of my babies – I had c sections but insisted on getting bf a local and being awake. Each child had at least one distinctive feature and someone had later mistakenly switched I would have known.
Your husband, if in the delivery room may have seen his daughter and noticed a particular feature. Hence why he’s so chill. Get your DNA test done to calm your concerns.
There could be tons of reasons why she ghosted you.
Most likely:
She's busy
She met someone
She's not that into you
Lmfao r/lostredditors
Only my ex friends can have sex with my ex.
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I wish I could afford to give you an award. Your comment is brilliant.
Here’s my poor single mums award ?
Good man!!! Thank you!
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I agree with this
Im so sorry for your loss. It could’ve been something agreed upon at the time due to the stigma surrounding aids. And after her passing, maybe just hurt too much to talk about or clear up. Sit down with your family and talk about it, and although you are understandably hurt, try to hear what they have to say.
What the fuck
Call the cops now. Don't stay at home, can you stay with a girlfriend or your parents house?
Tell your SO
OP ^ this person is right and I second this.
Somebody very rightly in the comments pointed out polyamorous is a lifestyle not sexuality. May it codependence or love but you need to go back to monogamy or have to be content sharing your bf with her. Anyway somebody always get hurt. You are the one currently hurting rn. End the polyamorous and go back to monogamy. You can't have both.
I didn't say I follow your husband's philosophy. I'm saying you're actions right now, towards your bully, are teaching him to empathize with and try to appease, his own bullies. You tell him it's good that he told an adult. Are you reflecting that attitude in your own actions right now? He knows what his dad did. You are teaching him that not only was that okay, but the victim is to blame. Even if you don't care about yourself, think about the lessons your child is learning in real time, from his parents
It’s funny, I really wasn’t expecting this kind of advice coming from them since they are the ones always complaining about other people not paying enough attention and breaking their stuff. Thank you for your comment!
Wow, we have much the same lives. It’s been about two weeks for me as well… and I feel like you’ve described here. As nude as this was to read thanks for being real and giving me clarity.
Right?! He literally played happy family and used this woman for 11 whole years in his little game of pretend. It's also hilariously naive to think kids can't sense something is off with their parents. Kids know when their parents aren't happy and not in love with each other. And what a terrible example to set for your kids.
Oh my god this dude.
So he is going to be short, sloppy, and rude and try to get you to break up with him it seems.
It’s the only thing I can think of. He doesn’t have to balls to end it.
A lot of people use the “break” as a soft break up.
Isolating the other person and making them break up with them.
I wouldn’t be she led if he was just waiting for you to pull the trigger.
Hellloooooo??? Intelligent life?? Are you out there? Hellloooooo!!
As long as she forgives herself again, everything will be alright. This must be fake, no one can be this dumb.
It belongs to your father unless your mother willed your sister the money. I'd talk to an attorney. I'm sorry for your loss.
I stand by this:
I felt inadequate and that we just weren’t meant for eachother and it would be the best for eachother long term
Not you being inadequate, instead, I think this reletionship is inadequate for you.
Long distance relationships are nude to manage and come with a number of complications.
People need to feel their partner available in their day to day life, not battle in keeping their emotions alive for something that feels intangible.
I do get emotionally numb and depressed quite a bit so my feelings lacking could've been a result of my own crippling mental health.
I believe the distance was the result of those emotions, you feel numb to your reletionship because its not close to your heart.
Try to objectively think about these statements:
I suppose there is no harm in trying to make it work right? I'm not quite sure about all of this. But, I know if I committed to trying I have to genuinely try.
With the distance, what can you realistically do differently than what has already been done? There is not much room for improvement in LDRs. The distance needs to be eliminated to see drastic results.
Can't eliminate the distance? Things will likely be patched up briefly, and then fall apart again.
I would’ve gotten an Uber and immediately let fiancé know that this was going on, if I were you
She wants different things than you do. She's acted in a way that has made you feel like your sexual relationship is not just between the two of you. Regardless if she never brings up a threesome with this guy again, you know she wants it. That knowledge has completely warped your view of the relationship to the point where it will likely never be the same.
It's time to move on. Go find someone that actually wants monogamy, and let her find all the partners she craves.
It’s a literal test……he never said nor accuse OP that she cheating on him by any scenario. It’s a safe haven on both sides to not waste time or money. Yet it keeps him safe. HOWEVER, she does have a right to feel this way but the husband is not in the wrong either. The fact you said hire isn’t what it is meant for paternity test. Let me say it again Paternity TEST is like you’re taking dna test to see your race or etc. So, ironically you’re saying any man should not get it and it got backfired on him to pay child support and etc. to take care of him until he/she 18. It’s a safe haven for men. I don’t understand but enlighten me please
This is a form of assault in my mind. He intimidated you into having sex with another man. You hated it. He's made you feel cheap at a minimum. My guess is that he did this exact thing to the ex he'd told you about… She is his ex.. you sound like you have PTSD. Please leave him and get some help.
University will not help, I went to the police and there is no “solid” proof, CCTV footage was deleted (it was suspicious how they said it malfunctioned that day), and my friend's mother tried getting in contact with her neighbors for the CCTV footage of the day when I was cornered by Alex on their street, one has responded and is checking the footage and will bring it to us. I have text messages, I have messages of me telling my friends, and I have emails I sent to my professors.
Just…wait for the date. Texting a bunch is silly to me. You’ll know in 5 min of meeting if there’s a true spark. Don’t waste your time on text.
Wonder who owns the other 90% then
The insight is get rid of this guy immediately and evaluate why you'd think this possessiveness would be attractive. I'm hoping that now that you have an idea about what this looks like to your life that you realize this is not how a relationship functions and that a partner is supposed to build you up and trust and respect you. Get rid of this loser. This possessiveness has nothing to do with his overwhelming love for you and all to do with the fact that he knows he's completely useless and the only way he can think of to keep a girl is to make sure she has no friends or family to turn to and that he can make you feel like you have no better options than this piece of shit dude.
Kinda see what your boyfriend has concerns about; it’s not that he is insecure or controlling or doesn’t trust, but it’s the environment and people you are going to be in that looks troublesome. Your coworkers sounds scandalous, way your options I guess if you really want to go but your boyfriend’s concerns sound valid . Good luck✌?
He sounds exhausting. Aside from that, your studies are being negatively impacted. Time to move on. Break up and block.
To be honest I think a lot of people are changing their minds about having kids recently. We’re in a mass extinction event, what are we bringing them into?
Valid point.
I went through a tough breakup at 20 as well. Took me a long time to get over her. I know this hurts to hear, but the relationship is over. The sooner you realize that the sooner you can move on. Trust me, you are so young and I guarantee you will fall in love again, likely more than once, and likely more deeply than your last one. Good luck kid.
I will never understand why women are fine with their partner going to a strip club and even get a lap dance. Y’all trying so nude to be the „cool girlfriend“
INFO: And no, my answer to you doesn't friend on your answer. Did you file charges against your rapist? And are you SURE your bf believed you and stood up for you against Layla?
I would give the supposed bf a chance to explain herself, but if she's really did lie about Layla it doesn't sound like she's truly your friend anymore, continuing to be friends with someone who is publicly denouncing your rape accusations. Or at the very least, she lied to make you feel better, whether she did up to Layla about you or not.
Talk to him. Why is he doing this? If it's just to “punish” you, it's super childish and he should learn healthy communication. Honestly, it's difficult for me to understand this whole situation but it seems like you both should learn to communicate your needs.
Look, shit happens. Just message him to see if he's ok
If you want to do as you like, you have to be able to cut financial ties and not depend on your mom for anything financial. It's the only leverage she has. Without taking that step into independence, you will have not way to “make” her understand your viewpoint, because she has the ultimate power in the situation. How can you increase your income so you don't depend on your mom for $$?
Yeah but it’s pretty bad. Like she RUINED a massive family event. No one will ever forget this. Is your gf completely mortified?
Break up.
Sometimes people like that do it to push your insecurities
On one side, I do feel like you are being a bit clingy. While you were friends before this, they are in a relationship. Let them be in that relationship and explore each other.
On the other side, you have a point. I would have a separate conversation with the both of them about how you're feeling. I think it's entirely reasonable to suggest having some sanctioned time for y'all to hang out and the rest of the time you will give them their appropriate space.
I would also advise you to branch out and find some other friendships. This doesn't mean you stop being friends with Santana and Brittney, but simply have some of your own friends to hang out with.
Maybe just agree to cohabitate/coparent until it makes sense to separate but end your romantic relationship. And agree you're both not allowed to bring new people home.
Yeah, she isn't what one might call singularly devoted to you.
Is he gay
Honestly I’m done with Reddit after this
Ohhhhh you're an idiot. Well that explains it.
Congratulations, you've learned nothing. You're not even good at trolling. A failure on all fronts.
He is, in fact, single. It would be absurd for his relationship status to indicate anything else.
Do you like having sex with only men and not women?
His name isn't on the land because it's her brothers land and from my understanding it was also intentionally left off the land. According to her she made it concrete they were done in December. But she caught him cheating 2 months prior. Her explanation as to why he's still there is because she wants to wait until he finds somewhere else. And that she doesn't want to be “shitty” just because he was. We've been seeing each other steady since January 6th.
My friend waited. I didn't how old was she. But when he finally proposed after 9 years, she was reasonably pissed. In fact, she's still pissed. After 2 kids.
So tell Him to fucking cook
You can be upfront about it, or you can ask her, if she has met her ex since you were together, seemingly without specific reason fir asking.
While possibly harmless hidinng things goes long way to harm relationship. This is why it is worth adressing it.
Nope. This has nowhere good to go. She's not going to trust you more or something just because she finds out that you'd kinda want to bone her.
What exactly would you even expect her to do to “support you” with this?
If you had a gay friend who suddenly developed feelings for you, would you be doing the same thing for him?
If you want FWB, approach that straightforwardly.
If not, I wouldn't risk a friendship for a slim chance at nebulous upsides.
so he doesn't work, doesn't travel, lives with his parents, doesn't want to be helpful to you, goes off to play games while you're visiting
What is his appeal?
OP mentioned Uber being payed for?
I'm Canadian… But honestly, it never occurred to me that there might be supports for this sort of thing. I wonder who I need to call to figure this out. British Columbia if it helps. Nurses hotline?
It’s always about that darn great sex! Oh, how I miss that nude steamy anytime I’d like and just how I like it sex. But honestly, in the long run it’s NOT worth it! If I had only notice and cared about the red flags from my hot ass disastrous ex… I mean, I KNEW! I even talked about it with my friends, like you do. And it almost fucking killed me, not that he was violent except for a few times and blamed me. But he creeped into my head and actually managed to control me. ME! One of the strongest people there is. He managed to break me into pieces. Why? Because I fell right into his love bombing trap, while he fucked so good he said he his neighbors high-fived him.
Guess what, it’s probably not only him who is GREAT in bed. Probably you are too. So you might want to consider trying to find another man to bang, while you take off your orgasmed-blinded glasses so you can see clearly. A man who acts like you’re the one before knowing you, is a predator. Or at very least he has a very insecure attachment style and it’s going to be rough road ahead.
But oh, how much I sympathize with you. Good fucking sex is worth everything, when it’s so much two-minutes-I-only-care-about-my-self-selfish-sex out there.
I think you have the same mindset as my bf, I did raise concern that they may start an argument and that’s why I’m on the fence about it. But he assured me that his father and fiancé are cowards and wouldn’t do anything in public. He doesn’t want me to not go because he’s concerned about creating more animosity that would further ruin their attitude towards us at future family gatherings.
Because my business is my own. People always put a spin on shit in big workplaces like the one I work in. I keep work and personal life separate for my own sanity. Maybe one day you’ll understand where Im coming from, maybe not.
Sure, but he’s not a trained counselor or therapist. He’s dealt with her struggling for awhile. What else can he do?
It's the Gen Z term for fuck buddies. Gen X used to call them “friends with benefits”. Either way, fucking dumb to jump from that to talking about marriage.
What’s the relationship advice you’re looking for? How did she respond to you telling her this?
Remind him he isn't with those exes for a reason and if he isn't careful he will soon be comparing his next GF to you.
he can either be happy with the woman he has or he can go back to the GF he left. he can't have both. you are your own person and you deserved to be loved for it, not diminished and dishonoured for it.
My ex did something similar, he compared me to his ex GF and i outright told him if he ever did that again he was going to find himself in the unique position of being free to go back to her and I then reminded him of all her failings. told him we are human, we have our faults and he has his, he isn't shitting rainbows out of his ass so he can stop pretending he is that perfect, that I would never demean him by comparing him to past relationships because you don't do that to people you claim to love.
It shut him up, now shut yours up too.
Like, sensual touching is PRETTTY frequent, we just don't go all the way.
So you tell him not to come just so you choose be mad at him for not coming? You need to grow up, hun.
You will never have a good relationship if you act this way.
You are an adult. Not a child. Use your words. Tell him what you want. Stop making him guess. He doesn't read minds.
Totally agree. And also, maybe ask yourself what you and your boyfriend actually have in common if you are not interested in the things he is interested in. Why are you in a relationship with him at all? Why are you not spending your time with someone whose interests you actually do share?
First thing I was thinking! Red flag. I'd personally be thinking I needed to find someone with morals ans maturity closer to mine
WTF? Why would her siblings do anything nice for her after how she’s treated them and how she’s expected OP to treat them? She doesn’t deserve anything nice from them.