Sometimes I'm too exhausted to do anything other than a kiss hello with my BF. But it doesn't bother him. If it did, I'd reassure him there and put effort in to make him feel better about it.
If it bothers you and she knows, she should really try to put some effort in, just to alleviate the negative you're feeling. She shouldn't be telling you that you need to be understanding. You're both in the relationship, so both sets of feelings matter.
If it's sex not just affection, that's not really something that applies to the above. Hugs, kisses, and cuddles are low enough effort to appease you both. Sex is too high effort when you're exhausted. Expecting that can be a tad unrealistic on your part.
She could be thinking you're trying to have sex and shutting that down instead of the affection.
Have a chat with her. Express your feelings and clarify that you just want the affection and that's all, no obligation for sex.
If you do want sex, plan it. Give her a night off from the kids and responsibility. She's still got the new job stress, but at least she's got a break at home. Let her take a nap while you handle the kids for a bit. Give her what she needs and she'll be able to give you what you both need.
You sure are a stupid toad as drunken state says sober mind/thinking. So you really were thinking of leaving her. I bet you are now being treated “coldly”, serve you right anyway.
You want to make up to her:
# Then TOTALLY STOP all boys night & drinking – go out ONLY with her around & if she can't go then YOU DON'T GO, capish!?
– stay sober NO MORE ALCOHOL anywhere!
– start a couples plan/schedule – write/draw up: date nights, movies nights, vacations, house chores, grocering times (to do together), visit local museum & state library etc
## YOUR WIFE WILL ALWAYS BE PRIORTY & COMES FIRST, you will comply to her boundaries AT ALL TIMES.
You have an opening here to have some kind of limited relationship with this person. But if she's still dealing with medical problems she's never going to have the time/energy for how things were before. So if you can handle seeing her without all the demands inherent to a heavy dating relationship, go for it. You've already been put on notice that she simply cannot let dating interfere with the extra effort she has to put in just to get through school. If you're going to do this you're going to have to be okay with whatever time she has to give and to not get huffy if she can't always be there for you. In trying to be with her again you're tacitly agreeing to the employ the light touch necessary. Because if you start stressing her out about your desires it's all just going to fall apart again. Her health will always be more important that you. Don't forget that.
You’re right, it absolutely does happen. But there’s nothing here to indicate that his wife has a serious chance of being assaulted by this man at this party.
I’d say it is much more likely that OP is actually worried about cheating and is claiming he is worried about safety.
Thank you!! I appreciate it
Sometimes I'm too exhausted to do anything other than a kiss hello with my BF. But it doesn't bother him. If it did, I'd reassure him there and put effort in to make him feel better about it.
If it bothers you and she knows, she should really try to put some effort in, just to alleviate the negative you're feeling. She shouldn't be telling you that you need to be understanding. You're both in the relationship, so both sets of feelings matter.
If it's sex not just affection, that's not really something that applies to the above. Hugs, kisses, and cuddles are low enough effort to appease you both. Sex is too high effort when you're exhausted. Expecting that can be a tad unrealistic on your part.
She could be thinking you're trying to have sex and shutting that down instead of the affection.
Have a chat with her. Express your feelings and clarify that you just want the affection and that's all, no obligation for sex.
If you do want sex, plan it. Give her a night off from the kids and responsibility. She's still got the new job stress, but at least she's got a break at home. Let her take a nap while you handle the kids for a bit. Give her what she needs and she'll be able to give you what you both need.
You sure are a stupid toad as drunken state says sober mind/thinking. So you really were thinking of leaving her. I bet you are now being treated “coldly”, serve you right anyway.
You want to make up to her:
# Then TOTALLY STOP all boys night & drinking – go out ONLY with her around & if she can't go then YOU DON'T GO, capish!?
– stay sober NO MORE ALCOHOL anywhere!
– start a couples plan/schedule – write/draw up: date nights, movies nights, vacations, house chores, grocering times (to do together), visit local museum & state library etc
## YOUR WIFE WILL ALWAYS BE PRIORTY & COMES FIRST, you will comply to her boundaries AT ALL TIMES.
– ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS –
You have an opening here to have some kind of limited relationship with this person. But if she's still dealing with medical problems she's never going to have the time/energy for how things were before. So if you can handle seeing her without all the demands inherent to a heavy dating relationship, go for it. You've already been put on notice that she simply cannot let dating interfere with the extra effort she has to put in just to get through school. If you're going to do this you're going to have to be okay with whatever time she has to give and to not get huffy if she can't always be there for you. In trying to be with her again you're tacitly agreeing to the employ the light touch necessary. Because if you start stressing her out about your desires it's all just going to fall apart again. Her health will always be more important that you. Don't forget that.
You’re right, it absolutely does happen. But there’s nothing here to indicate that his wife has a serious chance of being assaulted by this man at this party.
I’d say it is much more likely that OP is actually worried about cheating and is claiming he is worried about safety.